Don't Invest in People Who Don't Care

Post Reply New Topic

I understand that the people who we care about but who don't care about us has an impact on us. Maybe those people are friends with our relatives, maybe those people prefer being around our friends more, or maybe those people are in common with us that it just makes sense for us to get along. Well, if you invest your mental energy on uncaring people, all your energy will drain out and you'll feel sad and lonely the more you keep on investing your mental energy on those uncarring people.

When we think, our minds can be our worst enemy as much as our best friend. I understand that we all need self-reflection to look at our mistakes to make ourselves feel better. If you are getting better because of thinking about the past, then thinking about the past is fine, but if you are feeling down, sad, lonely, and aloof because of one person out of the many people who care about you, then you need to think of someone else.

It's hard to stop thinking about other people; I don't blame anyone for complaining about it. We always want the true reason why those people who don't care about us won't talk to us, but in the end, it'll always be a waste of thinking, energy, effort, and trying.

Words to live by. Thank you.

Wise words.

Zach Goodwin, I have been known to fall into this very trap with people who I like but don't necessarily like me back and then get bent out of shape over.

Examples-
1. There is a guy who I used to have a huge crush on who disliked me all the way around. However, would only flirt when he wanted something. For example, he used me to help give him pointers on a fanfic. Then when there was no more content, he disappeared. The next time I saw him, he just rolled his eyes at me and just ignored me. When I wanted to talk to him on skype, he used he said my voice kept hurting his ears because it was too "Grating" and how it wasn't my fault. I ended up having to let him go because he kept driving me nuts.

2. I have extended family on my dad's side who send me a holiday card every year and I have attempted to write them several times but got no responses. Rather, I feel like they were obligated to send me a card in return as I sent them cards. I recently decided not to send them anything else and as sad as I am, I am not chasing them anymore.

Honestly, I can say I feel better in letting these people go

I certainly understand about people who seem to treat us badly but we continue to engage with. Mayne there is a reason, i believe that we actually out energy in them because they have a fulfilling prophesy about ourselves. Like me asking women to date but constently grtting turned l, because they are the wrong women for me ask, but is fulfills my belief that I am unlovable.
Summer_twilight, I certainly appreciate what you went through amd got to say that is some good self reflection. I had a the same reaction with family members that gave me cards, except i felt wronged because they never wrote back.

Redbrick 1, One of the things I learned that this with the guy who I chased during my 20's is that other people were always trying to set me up with other people who had autism and others with a disability. Before him, I ended up getting to know another male with Asperger's who some co-workers tried to set me up with. Then I moved out of state and had to let him go though I wasn't ready.

Then I met this other aspie who I thought was interested in me when he wasn't. Yes, he welcomed me when I joined an adult Asperger's support group. After that, he ended up connecting with my a female ex-friend of mine by talking to her the entire time and inviting her to play Dungeons and Dragons. Not once did he ever ask for my number though he gave me his email and invited me to a forum.

When we did interact, he just ignored me most of the time, get frustrated and pace, or get up and walk out of the room. He also never took any interest in me or what I was doing in my life as well. Rather it was all about him and how:
1. I found my calling and he didn't and it ticked him off
2. I was higher functioning than him
3. Everything I said amounted to small talk

I finally let him go and since then, I have felt better because I have learned there are so many other amazing people to invest my time in who want to spend their time with me along with bringing me up.

Plus he's someone who is so bitter that he's not using his degree careerwise that he's been stuck in a loop being a whiner and a quitter.

"I can't do that, my autism doesn't let me."

So yeah, he was drama

Summer_twilight: yea that sounds like it can be toxic. Did you like being set up with people?
How did it work out, the set ups?
I had a blind date once, it did not wprk out so well.

"People care about people that care about them", in order for me to be liked, I have to like. I look at other people who are likeable and the one thing they have aside from being outgoing is liking others. They seem to actually care about others around them.
I thought I cared, but in reality it was that I cared about what they THOUGHT about me.
I am trying, trying to ask people about them, listen and respond. I dont always get it right.
And people may not respond to way I want them to. And i have to be ok with that.

One of the things I have learned is that it is okay to reach out to people who don't like you as a way of showing kindness where you let the ball be in their court. If they want to respond, then let them. If not then it's time to look at all the people who are reaching out to you by getting to know them.

In my case, I decided to stop sending holiday cards to my aunt and uncle because I am tired of playing games with them. In fact, I wrote them a letter said that I felt like they were obligated to send me a card as a common courtesy rather than take an interest in me though I was interested in them. Like the rest of my letters, they didn't bother to acknowledge what I wrote so I am not reaching out anymore.

I also was also friend's with another woman who had other disorders in addition to autism and her mother was way too protective and treated her like a little kid. She also disliked me because she was jealous of me being in her daughter's life. Though this woman was nasty by constantly putting me down, I had tried to win her over and it didn't work. I finally had to realize that she wasn't someone worth chasing.

Summer_twilight:
I had parents of friends who put me down, mai ly calling me a person of lpw intelligence. And yes that is a person that you should not pursue.
Also did that destroy your relationship with your friend?
I assume that is the reason for the meanness