Seeing coworkers or acquaintances at the store

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emmasma
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30 Oct 2017, 12:52 pm

I hate running into people I know when I'm out, even when it is someone I like. There's the whole time when you are walking toward each other in the aisle, at what point do you say hello, or do you just smile. I'm super awkward with greetings verbal or physical. even if I just smile or wave I obsess about it for hours afterward because I know it came of as awkward or rude.
I just ran into this person I sometimes work with 3 separate times at Walmart and it was so awkward. I actually like this person and now I'm upset because I know I made it very clear to keep away from me. I freaked out.



shortfatbalduglyman
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30 Oct 2017, 2:14 pm

Likewise

Furthermore there are a lot more precious lil "people" that I hate and fear, than like

And I would rather avoid them all, then encounter them all

For that reason, oftentimes I purposely avoid locations where a lot of acquaintances go.

For example, at a certain Trader Joe's, a lot of acquaintances have seen me there.

So sometimes I just go to the other grocery store. Even though it is much larger, almost never saw anyone there

It's awkward. Like should I avoid them, and hope they do not notice (have done before)

And if I say hi, then what?

That it? .....



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31 Oct 2017, 3:41 am

I have problems with this too, but in my case it's because I have prosopagnosia. I just can't connect a person and a name if I see them in an unexpected place, especially if its someone I don't see often... like that one time I ran into my landlord in the grocery store. I had no idea who he was until he said it.



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31 Oct 2017, 5:26 am

I don't have prosopagnosia, but I get disoriented in a lot of these places, and then I am slow to recognise people. I hate bumping into people too.


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emmasma
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31 Oct 2017, 5:32 pm

shortfatbalduglyman wrote:
Even though it is much larger, almost never saw anyone there

It's awkward. Like should I avoid them, and hope they do not notice (have done before)

And if I say hi, then what?

That it? .....
I actually prefer a large slightly crowded store to a small less busy one. It's easier to just blend in and not feel like everyone is staring at me. Never know what more to say than hi, and end up feeling like a jerk if I cant think of something more. Not sure how to end it gracefully if we do start talking. It just never ends up with me not feeling crappy.



xatrix26
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01 Nov 2017, 7:31 am

emmasma wrote:
I hate running into people I know when I'm out, even when it is someone I like. There's the whole time when you are walking toward each other in the aisle, at what point do you say hello, or do you just smile. I'm super awkward with greetings verbal or physical. even if I just smile or wave I obsess about it for hours afterward because I know it came of as awkward or rude.
I just ran into this person I sometimes work with 3 separate times at Walmart and it was so awkward. I actually like this person and now I'm upset because I know I made it very clear to keep away from me. I freaked out.


This is super hard for me as well, even IF there's an NT that I like, it's always awkward and hard to engage in any kind of conversation. And then, oh God, they start with "small talk"... Shoot me in the face. I can't tolerate small talk. Such mindless and unfulfilling minutia.

And of course, Autistics need time to prepare for a new situation but its kinda hard to do that with a random encounter.

Setting aside the fact that I can't make eye contact so they feel like I don't want to be there, which I don't, but I didn't want to reveal that and create an even more awkward situation. But, it happens anyways, so the awkwardness escalates.

I'd rather discuss the ITER Fusion Test Reactor currently being built in southern France or the updated status effect of Quantum Physics on Computer Science but there aren't many who would rather engage is such relevant conversation. So we small talk... with the NTs we randomly meet in public places and we end up leaving each other feeling awkward, unfulfilled and the uneasy sensation like I've just been violated somehow.

/facepalm


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Last edited by xatrix26 on 01 Nov 2017, 8:28 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ennui0001
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01 Nov 2017, 8:03 am

I don't know if this will work for you but, I wear bluetooth headphones and go into my own world with Spotify on at stores so I don't HAVE to talk to anyone unless it's someone who works at the store. I always take out the headphones when talking to employees.

I sometimes people are angry and think I'm rude because I'm shutting myself off from any interaction however, I have an issue with telling the difference between neutral, sad, and angry so, maybe they don't actually care. It does keep people at a distance quite well and has the added bonus of drowning out screaming children and static ridden store music.

I also shop at off hours like early morning or when there's a football game on (big football town). Unless the person is someone that I absolutely have to talk to, like a relative, I pretend I didn't see them and go on my way. As I get older, being considered rude is less important to me that getting my shopping done and getting back home.


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MagicKnight
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01 Nov 2017, 8:39 am

emmasma wrote:
I hate running into people I know when I'm out, even when it is someone I like.


When it's someone I know well and like, it's a pleasure. If it's an acquaintance or distant relative type of person, the situation annoys me to no end. I think that's mostly because I hate the kind of situation when someone approaches me saying "hey I saw you walking down the street the other day and you didn't even greet me, you seemed worried and all, Is everything all right?".

I use the following "trick" on acquaintances in situations like that but for it to work I need to have seen the other person before she had seen me. I learnt this by watching the behaviour of others, of course.

First and foremost I don't pretend that I haven't seen the person in question. I keep looking at her/him while still walking towards my current destination or maybe I'll cross to the other side of street in order to avoid closer contact. I try to reach to a safe distance while the person haven't yet seen me.

If he/she really never sees me, that's a better resolution as I can just move on with no further consequences for both involved. The situation will never be brought up since nobody ever saw each other (technically you've actually seen, but the other party doesn't know that so to all effects it never happened).

If otherwise the subject is caught pretending not to have seen me, like looking abruptly the other way while I move, the ace is now in my sleeve. Now I can as well pretend I haven't seen the person in question and the matters can never be brought up without utter shame on the other end because he/she was caught red handed ignoring me.

If the person smiles, waves... I just wave and smile back. Now I fake it like I am busy and keep walking.

I take it that the reason why this always works with my acquaintances is that they don't want to talk to "the creep on the other side of the street" anyway. They don't want to go through the awkward "heyyyy! how you doing? when did we last meet again" type of situation. They do that out of ritualistic politeness. They just need any excuses not to do it. Myself, likewise, I don't want to go through that.

So I give them exactly what they need and keep them at bay.



emmasma
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01 Nov 2017, 9:45 am

Ennui0001 wrote:
I don't know if this will work for you but, I wear bluetooth headphones and go into my own world with Spotify on at stores so I don't HAVE to talk to anyone


I have thought about headphones. I think it would help. It seems like giving up though. I sometimes do actually want to talk to people. They generally are good people who have not done me wrong. I just muck it all up and we all leave wishing it had not happened at all.