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Hello All - I just found this site and I'm looking for advice and support. My 9 year old daughter is in the process of being diagnosed with Asperger's. I'm completely new to this, and I'm looking for information on how to prepare myself for what's to come. Are there any parents out there who have gone through this who can perhaps answer a number of questions I have?

Thank you!

Welcome!

Which part of the world are you in? Things are a little different around the world when it comes to diagnostic procedures and supports.

I'm a mother with Asperger's myself.

I live in the USA.

Specifically, what I'd like to better understand is:

1. Does Asperger's change throughout the life of my daughter? Does it get "worse" or "better"?
2. Are there any books you could recommend to help me understand her condition a bit better?
3. What methods of therapy, if any, would you recommend?
4. She's an exceptionally talented musician and writer, well beyond her years. How can I use these hobbies to help her?
5. Can she successfully matriculate from a mainstream school, or does she need a special school or a special program to bring the most out of her?

Thank you very much in advance.

Two books on Aspie Girls

I am an Aspie Girl - Danuta Bulhak-Paterson
and
I am an Aspien Girl - Tania Marshal

1. Does Asperger's change throughout the life of my daughter? Does it get "worse" or "better"?

Yes, it changes, just like every person changes. Sometimes kids outgrow some of their sensory sensitivites, or develop strategies to deal with them. We develop social strategies that are very different from neurotypical strategies. Generally, the teenage years are brutal, and because of slow emotional maturing, can last well into young adulthood. Some aspies end up being 'cool', but it's unusual. Generally, aspies are late bloomers.

It can get both worse or better. Acceptance and understanding from family makes a huge difference.

2. Are there any books you could recommend to help me understand her condition a bit better?

'Nerdy, shy and socially inappropriate' by Cynthia Kim. Also, her blog, https://musingsofanaspie.com/ , is so far the best reading material I have found.

Anything by Tony Attwood. There are a lot of Attwood videos on youtube, like this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OHnDIMTCbo
It's very long, but extremely good, and you will have to go into this level of detail to really understand. There are no quick fixes.

Also, Chris Packham's documentary, 'Aspergers' and me' was really great: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0mIFmRCaCs
This is an autobiography of an adult man, but it's really great when it comes to explaining the rich inner world that is part of the condition.

3. What methods of therapy, if any, would you recommend?

Don't know anything about therapy, was diagnosed too late. Just avoid anything invasive, things that require a lot of compliance from the child, things that are about forcing and bribing her into not being autistic. Those are harmful.

4. She's an exceptionally talented musician and writer, well beyond her years. How can I use these hobbies to help her?

That's really great, and those are things that may serve her well in life. Don't put pressure on her. Autistic kids live with huge amounts of pressure just dealing with everyday life, and it can take very little to send them over the edge.

We have different learning styles from neurotypical kids; we tend to start from a small area of study and then expand our knowledge and abilities, while the NT kids start from the general and then acquire specialised knowledge.

For example, I remember getting a lot of criticism at school as a young teen because although my English was way ahead of most kids, my vocabulary was very influenced by all the fantasy novels I was reading. I was told this was a problem and that I should read more newspapers and things others were reading (in short, things I thought were incredibly boring and didn't have the energy for, due to the social pressures of the teenage years). It was incredible how much they thought this was a problem, even though I consistenly got top grades. Fast forward a few years, and I started reading newspapers due to having a great history teacher who managed to spark my interest in things political.

Moral of the story; don't sweat the small stuff. Let her do her own thing, but introduce her to new things every now and again.

Music is fantastic for learning to have conversations with people. It will help her with tone of voice and conversational rythm. If she writes well I assume she reads, and reading helps with understanding other people's perspectives and expressing oneself.

5. Can she successfully matriculate from a mainstream school, or does she need a special school or a special program to bring the most out of her?

That is impossible to say, it depends on the child. Lots of aspie kids are mainstreamed, but that depends a bit on whether the school sees her as a problem or not. There is enormous variety on the spectrum, if you hang out on WP you will meet some very different characters.

There is something to be said for alternative pedagogical approaches, like Montessori or Steiner schools that allow for a more personalized curriculum. For the more intellectual aspies the International Baccalaureate might be a good fit in high school, because it is very structured. If she has a lot of behavioral problems you may be forced into special schools, which might be better socially? I don't know, but others here may.

Introducing her to kids who share her special interests is often the best way to develop social skills.

That's everything off the top of my head, others may have a different perspective.

Best wishes!

Thank you for your reply, underwater. I really appreciate the time and thought you put into it.