Rebecca Ann Reed - Artist

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For 12 years, artist Rebecca Ann Reed of La Salle, formerly of Ladd, did not draw or paint.

"That's when I was kind of lost," she said.

When she finally picked up a paintbrush again in February of last year, the first few canvases were filled with dark images — including one titled "Demon Lore."

Fast forward to today, and she is painting titles like "Sea Fairy" and "Tranquility."

What made the difference? The painting itself.

"It's art therapy. It helps a lot," said Reed, who said a psychologist told her she had a high-functioning form of autism. "Which I guess would be Asperger's, but they don't use that term anymore."

"My art is the easiest part of my life," Reed said. "Everything else is the hard part."

Because of her age — she's a 43-year-old adult, not a child — Reed was told she already had "adjusted" to society, so there was no therapy available for her.

But the diagnosis was more helpful than a previous suggestion that she was suffering from depression. The antidepressant medication she tried only made things worse, she said.

"I do get depressed," she said, "but it's not because I'm sad. I'm just so tired from having to talk to people all day."

That tendency bothers her because she feels she is not being genuine.

"I've been working on just being me. There's people that accept me, and there's people that find me extremely annoying, but I can't help that."

She struggles with understanding some cultural norms, and even more with being understood.

"I am still so lost with the social stuff. I tend to say the wrong things," she said.

For example, she sometimes inadvertently says something that seems mean.

And it doesn't help that her nonverbal communication deviates from what other people might expect.

"A lot of times my expression does not match what I'm feeling inside," she said, "or my tone of voice won't match what I'm feeling. I'm taken the wrong way a lot and misunderstood."

Reed said she also has sensory processing disorder. Noises started affecting her as an adult, although they didn't when she was younger.

She has a hard time in large groups of people. When there are several conversations happening at once, she has difficulty listening to the person in front of her.

"Even though I'm in the group, I feel like I'm on the outside looking in," she said, "because I can't contribute. I can't focus on just one conversation."

Abstract painting helps her bounce back from the negative emotions, and drawing helps her relax her mind.

She no longer seeks professional counseling, but she does seek out others who will understand — and help her understand herself.

"I usually just go online and go in the chat rooms with other people like me," she said.

She has found several blogs and Facebook pages she finds helpful, and recognizes herself in the pages of Tania Marshall's book, "I am AspienWoman: The Unique Characteristics, Traits, and Gifts of Adult Females on the Autism Spectrum."

She also found friendship and acceptance in the local artists' club River Valley Visuals, which meets monthly.

Only about eight people attend the meetings, but it took eight months of getting to know the individuals in the group before she finally felt like she belonged.

"I view my autism as my gift," she said. "I see things that people miss every day — little details. And I wonder if people see colors as bright as I do or hear noises as clear as I do.

"I wouldn't have myself any other way, because I wouldn't be me."