Do you ever feel that ASD people are protected too much?

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...I don't think that's my problem.

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Renal kidney failure, congestive heart failure, COPD. Can't really get up from a floor position unhelped anymore:-(.
One of the walking wounded ~ SMASHED DOWN by life and age, now prevented from even expressing myself! SOB.
" Oh, no! First you have to PROVE you deserve to go away to college! " ~ My mother, 1978 (the heyday of Andy Gibb and Player). I would still like to go.
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It is indeed a difficult balance. My parents seem to be on opposite sides of this issue - my mom tries to help me out whenever she can, and my dad tries to make me do things myself. I think I benefit from a little of both, although individually they tend to lean too much to one side (especially my dad). It's true that some parents, especially more recently, will use autism as an excuse for anything their child does, and that isn't good. Many of us are capable of learning how we should act in public and adapting at least to some degree, if given the chance. Shielding any child, autistic or not, too much leads to them not being prepared for the "real world" as they get older.

For me personally, I've never been coddled. While my mom will try to do things for me, she never used my autism as an excuse for my behavior or mistakes - I still (rightfully) had to take full responsibility for them. Granted, I don't think my parents really understood what it meant until I was older, and I know I didn't have a clue what it meant until I was in eighth grade or so - for example, my parents didn't understand the difference between a temper tantrum and a meltdown and would treat every outburst as the former. In school, I had an IEP but didn't know about it - I think that was a good approach, so accommodations, such as extended time on tests, were available for me if need be, but I didn't learn to rely on them because I didn't know they were always an option for me. However, that might not work so well for someone who doesn't function as well in school as I did and would need the accommodations more often. My dad has always seemed to think that having Asperger's just means I'm more shy and intelligent than most people. He always pushes me to do things myself, which is sometimes a good thing because I might be capable of more than I realize. However, when I can't meet his expectations, he accuses me of being lazy, not trying hard enough, or not caring, when in actuality I tried my best - which no doubt has at least contributed to my minimal to non-existent self-esteem and my depression.

Overall, it's quite true. How would an autistic 'no longer focus coping and struggling' if:
A. Being accommodated too much, thus dependent. Meaning, they don't had to figure when someone else do it for them. They struggle without accommodations.
B. Too much challenge, and ends up focus on coping -- and it's all they know --
they had little room for overcoming or figuring out why things are overwhelming or how it is a fault, etc. They just struggle, probably in silence with façade of 'success' with a 'smile' added on the plate. Which is usually true with HFA.


In my case, it's somewhat in both ways. And I don't want to end up living in either outcomes.

There wasn't much challenge offered to me. If not that, it gave me the wrong kinds of challenge. Some people do not understand that intellectual aptitude does not equate to social and emotional aptitude. And some people do not understand that my preferences does not equate to immaturity and entitlement, but their lack of respect.
They don't understand sensory issues, they don't understand executive functions, they don't understand my social perception, they don't understand sensory and emotional regulation, and stimming.
So I decided that no one had to know. And that I choose to challenge myself in my own pace and way with little to no interference from anyone as possible.
I just had to trust my intuition to accomplish development or grow something, instead of just 'goals'. Instead of following and memorizing sets of rules and scripts, those are just references or hints to be hoarded and locked into the knowledge archives. I long concluded that said 'scripts' aren't the only means to 'blend in' nor the only way to 'navigate the NT realm' in practice, and I don't know who else had concluded the same without looking for a niche or a tailored environment.
I've been doing very well and progressing further in terms of adaptation, even if it's slower by outcome, it's also surer not only from the outside, but also in the inside.

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Good Lord no. I can recall no point in my entire 60+ year lifespan when anyone protected me from anything except smallpox and polio.

"ASD people" as a description is too vague. some people have more debilitating autism and need a level of stewardship that is for their protection.

i never was vulnerable to bullies or mockery, because bullies kept away from me, and people who mocked me i thought of as morons.

i never had to hide under the skirt of protection because i never felt overwhelmed by other people.

but i was given many "accommodations" during my employment career due to the obstinacy of my personality.
i only got them because i was essential to the running of the company i was in.

i wrote computer systems tailored to the design of the business, and i did not program in conventional university taught ways. i taught myself.

so i wrote systems that did everything flawlessly in a very short amount of time, and i was able to conceive of the exact line of code in any program that someone noticed a bug in....usually a trivial bug like not being able to press "cancel" and have their work undone.
whatever.

my immediate boss loved me. she was 15 years older than me and i took a lot of hassle of her shoulders be redesigning mechanisms and programming them

one of the problems i had was extreme messiness. at first i had a desk in the "work bay" format with everyone else, but i never cleaned up.

i had coffee cup rings all over the desk, and empty packets of chips and other snacks, and about 6 inches of layers of printouts and other unsorted papers which eventually slid onto the floor.

my boss demanded that i keep my desk clean. but i never got around to it.

if i was not important, they may fire me, but because i was important, they gave me a private office which was huge and had a huge window over looking sydney harbor from the 33rd floor.

that shut the other employees up that were complaining about my mess.

it also left me to think for long periods rather than everyone tapping my shoulder at the work station wanting me to do simple things for them.

the next job i had was for a warehouse distribution company, and it was a similar situation where i designed the logistics and other programs necessary, but i ran it all from my home.

i told them in no uncertain terms, that i am never to be consulted before 11 am unless it is a critical situation.

they all obeyed that.

that's all i can think of.

Hi emax10000,

It depends on how they were raised by their parents.
In my case, I never knew I was autistic until I found out for myself as an adult.
So no, I was not coddled as a child ... I was punished the same as my brother and sisters.
But as for being protected?
Yes I was ... because I had a protective mother
who would barely let us kids watch any popular TV shows at all
because she considered most of the sitcoms bad.

Honestly, your original post seemed a little vague to me
so I hope I'm understanding your question right.

Best wishes!

I don't mean "diplomatic" in the sense of being a "diplomat."

I'm certainly not that way. I'm too blunt all the time. I say the "wrong things" all the time. I am not known for my diplomacy; I'm known for my Wolfman howls.

I meant-----you don't have to be cruelly blunt all the time. There's always a "better way" to say something which might have an impact upon another person.

I believe "social graces" were invented for a reason: to save our species. Without them, we'd be constantly at war with each other. This is not to say that I am "socially graceful." Because I am not. And I can't stand it when somebody tries to teach me petty etiquette. But there's a reason for all these "social graces."

Because I had Autism, I was given 2 answers to each question on a test instead of 4 answers.

I would say that I'm a "partially recovered" classic autistic person. I have no idea why I was able to speak "normally" by age 6, when I couldn't speak at all at age 5. This flummoxes me to this day. It was thought that I should be institutionalized, and that I was a "vegetable." That's the word they used: "vegetable."

In my later childhood years, I presented sort of like a stereotypical Aspergian. I would monologue. I couldn't tell when people were bored. I was bullied because I was very entertaining when people would bother me; I would throw "funny" tantrums. I liked to brag how I knew all the capitals in the world. I called, on the phone, for the weather forecast for many US cities, some Canadian ones, and even a few European ones, running up a $600 phone bill in 1971. I threw tantrums. I got thrown out of class. I was a "problem kid" on his way to a group home.

But I always knew, somehow, that I would succeed. I don't know why---I just KNEW. And nobody had any expectations for me. My father thought I'd be dependent on my parents for life. My mother had a certain faith that I'd be "okay," though. She used the "tough love" approach a lot. I'm bitter at her because of it---but, maybe, it helped me get "out of" my autism.

Your story just goes to show, kraftiekortie,
that when it gets right down to it,
we are all each unique individuals.

I never did call overseas for reasons such as yours,
though it was certainly tempting ...

LOL....those were the days of rotary phones...when you can put a "lock" on the phone to prevent anybody from dialing any number. And my parents, did, indeed, put a lock on the phone for a while. My parents got separated soon after; I knew it wasn't my fault.

You're great in art. I can barely do stick-figures. I could probably do an "Abstract Expressionist" Jackson Pollack sort of thing--but I'd screw that one up, too.

I'd be very good at creating manifestoes for artists---but as far as creating the art itself----forget about it....

It depends heavily on the environment of the person in question, usually in combination with their perceived functioning level.

I went to an autism specialist school all the way through secondary. Until I had the confidence to pursue activities and explore the world more, my interactions with NTs, excluding staff and family, were almost exclusively limited to the internet after my NT friends moved away about 2010. Generally most students there wouldn't sit many GCSE level 2 exams. Most seemed to leave with one GCSE, if that even. At least out of the people I knew. So good luck getting into sixth form!

I felt quite bitter about it. Not merely from the feeling of injustice, that we were seemingly being segregated away into a parallel schooling system as a result of our conditions, but I felt strongly as though I was missing out on something beautiful and essential to personal growth in the form of mainstream schooling.

Which is why when I left, I took some AS levels through a distance learning package, and then scraped into a sixth form in another county, using them as an alternative to GCSEs. Didn't have great grades, C, D, E, though I barely revised for them. Seemed to develop problems with anxiety and dropped out after a week or two. But I only did it because I was desperate to experience a more "normal" adolescence, with house parties, and all the clichéd coming of age moments and rites of passage that pop culture had me convinced were almost a given for all mainstream educated teenagers. I don't know if I would've enjoyed it necessarily, I just wanted the opportunity. I wanted to climb the fence. I wanted to be a part of the "real" world. Seems the same is happening with my current course as well. Guess it's Open University or employment next. That's if I can even find a job with my weird set of qualifications and lack of experience.

I can't help but feel as though it would've been completely different had I been mainstream educated. Though I could easily be wrong.