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slw1990
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05 Nov 2017, 11:17 pm

I get bullied and ostracized regularly and for a long time I've been trying to find ways to deal with it. I don't always know how to stand up for myself though. I don't always know how to respond and it's hard for me to figure out what the bullies intentions are. When I tell my boyfriend about this he says that wearing makeup might help. I don't really believe this though because I know a lot of women who don't wear make up and they get treated really well. I think if I'm socially awkward it wouldn't make a difference. If it did I would think it would just be temporary.



ZachGoodwin
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06 Nov 2017, 12:04 am

There is no law that you have to wear make-up.



Summer_Twilight
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06 Nov 2017, 10:11 am

No, wearing make-up is not equal to stamping out bullying. Rather, the key to bullying are three things./

1. As long as you get upset, then they will continue to get under your skin.
2. Don't take it personally, these same people who are picking on you feel that way about themselves
3. Whenever they put you down, don't respond. Rather, meditate on all the positive people and things in your life.

E.G- Let's say they you hear them saying all kinds of mean things to you. Meanwhile, you think inside your head, "You know, I have a boyfriend and he must think I am pretty special. I also seemed to enjoy striking up a conversation with person X at point A all the time. I think I might consider investing my time in them. Maybe this group of people and I aren't a good fit. It's too bad that they have to bring themselves up at the expense of others. It's too bad because I know they are special too."

Regarding connecting with people, you could find a special interest group where others talk about the same things you do or maybe even go out and meet people at restaurants, coffee shops, and even bookstores. Believe me, those people don't have anything that you would want anyhow.

How to stand up to bullies:
https://www.wikihow.com/Stand-Up-to-Bullies



Fireblossom
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06 Nov 2017, 12:32 pm

I highly doubt wearing make up would change anything, but if you like the idea then there's no reason not to try that. Still, people who bully others usually do it for the sake of bullying; even if they say that the target's appearance or social skills are the reason that usually isn't the case.



Laki
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06 Nov 2017, 12:45 pm

Make-up might make you seem more "normal", but it is just a small chance - you might as well get bullied more. Also (at least what I think) it's too much work... maybe just groomed eyebrows and mascara and/or eyeliner and lipgloss... But if the people around you are little s**ts there's no helping it :( just stop tucking your shirt into your pants :D sorry, really bad joke but hey, sometimes people do that



Fireblossom
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07 Nov 2017, 3:57 am

Laki wrote:
just stop tucking your shirt into your pants :D sorry, really bad joke but hey, sometimes people do that


Why is that bad again? I did that as a child and my mom got mad, telling me not to do it and these days I don't, but I still don't know what her problem was.



Embla
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07 Nov 2017, 5:18 am

I would also say that trying not to let them get to you would be the best way to make bullying stop.
I was a target for bullying every time I started a new school, but it never lasted long, because I couldn't care less about it. I thought it was a bit funny, flattering even, that someone would go through so much trouble just to get my attention. I didn't give the bullies the reactions they wanted, so I wasn't any fun as a target.
My boyfriend on the other hand, was the kid who got extremely emotional when someone picked on him, and so he was always bullied in school. Because the bullies thought his reactions was funny, they kept going at it.



slw1990
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08 Nov 2017, 10:57 am

I try not to show that it bothers me, but it doesn't always seem to help. A lot of the bullying is really subtle also. They might do things like invade my space like I'm not there or talk about where I can here them.



Summer_Twilight
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08 Nov 2017, 11:35 am

slw1990 wrote:
I try not to show that it bothers me, but it doesn't always seem to help. A lot of the bullying is really subtle also. They might do things like invade my space like I'm not there or talk about where I can here them.


See? They are doing this on purpose just to get under your skin.
Here are some comebacks for you
https://www.pinterest.com/ishouldhavesa ... s/?lp=true

You could also let them know, "Excuse, but you are in my personal space."

You might also make them feel uncomfortable by staring them down or asking them

"Excuse me, I seem to make you feel uncomfortable. Is there anything that I am doing, have or want that bothers you?"


Or
"Hey guys, I have noticed that I make you feel uncomfortable but it seems that you are to embarrassed to tell me about it. I am right here and if you have something that bothers me, I am right here."

Also, why are you even around these people? Isn't there a way for you to avoid them?



slw1990
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12 Nov 2017, 8:33 am

I do sometimes stare at them when they do something, but it doesn't seem to phase them.

I have to be around these people because I work with them.



Laki
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12 Nov 2017, 1:12 pm

Fireblossom wrote:
Laki wrote:
just stop tucking your shirt into your pants :D sorry, really bad joke but hey, sometimes people do that


Why is that bad again? I did that as a child and my mom got mad, telling me not to do it and these days I don't, but I still don't know what her problem was.


Well, at certain age it becomes "nerdy" and odd looking. When you see a small child with their t-shirt tucked it is normal, but teenager wit a tucked-in t-shirt will be ridiculed. In middle school (we were like 13 or 14) there was a girl who wore really stylish clothing, perfect hair, was really nice and social but some classmates still laughed at her for t-shirt tucking - even if the outfit required it. She rocked it, dressed more like an adult. I get it why kids would do it but what was your mothers deal...most of the time parents tell their kids to tuck the shirt in... :?



Summer_Twilight
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12 Nov 2017, 7:25 pm

slw1990 wrote:
I do sometimes stare at them when they do something, but it doesn't seem to phase them.

I have to be around these people because I work with them.


They sound really insecure due to having some issues with their own lives along with probably being clueless. Do your research on behavior like that and how to stand up to it. Bottom line, they are doing they because you feeling bad is a way of them getting to you because maybe you have something that makes them feel insecure.



Stardust Parade
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13 Nov 2017, 8:00 pm

Makeup takes too much work. I never bother with anything other than lipgloss, eyebrow pencil, sometimes mascara, and sometimes lipstick. Anything else I don't have the patience for. Don't feel pressured to wear makeup.



hale_bopp
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18 Nov 2017, 5:16 am

Don’t wear makeup if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I can guarantee you that it won’t stop bullying, though.

I don’t wear makeup because it’s uncomfortable. People treat me very differently when I do. Men are nicer and girls are meaner.