New young female co-worker joined today.

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Haha oh there buddy. Relationships often start at work because you spend so much time together and talk so much feelings develop. After lots of long personal conversations. And heaps of non-verbal flirtation and signalling. I am a chatty friendly NT female who likes Aspies and often try to include them in work social events. They always read me wrong, so I have to EXPLAIN that I am being friendly ONLY. I am very empathetic, know how hard it is for Aspies so always make an effort to include them (IT firm). You buddy, need a mentor here, a wing-man at the very least to help you, warn you. Workplaces of often hotbeds of flirtation just because, well, they are. But there is work flirtation - which happily married people often do because well why not, it's fun. There is workplace flirtation for torrid affairs which can can be lighthearted no-strings fun (had many myself) or can cause disasters. But workplaces can be a nightmare for people who can't read nuanced flirtations signs - harassment flashing light. Believe me I have been in the room mediating between women who openly admit they were flirting but it meant nothing. So get to know her a long time, and properly before you try anything.

Hello NTintrigue
I have found colleague interactions by far the hardest. so many misunderstandings, and without attempting to flirt.

But that's still better than feeling like you've been dragged through mud all 30 (or is it 29?) of your years, right? Good to see that you can be positive, too. I know it's hard but try to keep that up. When you feel really miserable, remind yourself of the things that are fine and the things you have done.

We lost our first child at birth and the second was miscarried.

For the record, I see plenty of unemployed or low paid guys in relationships. That's what made it so darn frustrating to me in the first place!


My experience what that while most single women claim to want children, their actions speak far louder than words. For example, I went on a date with one who not only frequently travelled, but also warned me that she watches NFL football all day every day on Sundays and would never change that. Not exactly a lifestyle for a mother and this was typical of those I dated. Not one said anything along the lines of "I live a busy life but would be willing to do what it took for family". It's like me claiming I really wanted a job but did not read job ads, send resumes or talk to anybody about it.


You missed the joke I made. He thinks it's a bad thing he is single while his brother is in an admittently horrible relationship. I know from experience while it sucks being single, it is far worse to be trapped in an unhappy marriage. At least when you are single you can take advantage of any opportunities!

I think it's highly likely that they just don't completely understand the fact that having children would change their lives a lot.

29 and I don't see the dragging stopping any time soon. My 20's will end as a decade of disappointment and failure. If my 30's go the same, I will snap.



I feel like I've exhausted all potential options.

GiantHockeyFan

So sorry for your losses.

I don't think the job is the biggest block to a relationship for most guys on here either, but it's possibly the most obvious. My female NT friends always seemed to blame their looks for any relationship problems. This confused me for a long time until I realised it was a comfort to them.

I think (in general) workplace relationships should be avoided. What if you make a move and it's rejected? What if you get together and you break up, and then have to see each other every work day?

There are so many other places to meet women, why would you want to sh-t where you eat?

I've often heard of co-workers finding relationships in their workplaces. I've also had a bad year in regards to finding a relationship so I don't know if I am being granted a break or not. I don't fit in with the culture where I live; I can't stand American football, country music, binge drinking, excessive smoking, and reckless driving so I feel like there is nowhere for me to go.

Sorry about your losses, GHF.

I have a sister who was stillborn. Then my mother had my brother about 1 year later.

I mean this in a nice way (not sarcastically I promise) but did you read what I wrote about my experience when I was 29? Feel free to look back at my posts from 2012 if you don't believe it.


Trust me you haven't. It sounds like you are a just a late bloomer, nothing more and your 'inexperience' will not prevent you from getting a relationship, in fact it was my experience with a very messed up girl that prevented me from forming a decent relationship. Thankfully my wife is a very patient and understanding person because I formed the relationship in spite of my "experience", not because of it: I can honestly say I would have done better with my wife if I was an inexperienced virgin. At 29 it seemed insurmountable to even get to 'first base' but now I realize it is actually quite easy: finding a stable partner is the hard part!

If it is shyness, anxiety and discomfort around women that's holding you back I would highly suggesting joining a Toastmasters group. They are cheap, accessible and very welcoming to guests and newcomers. I totally get how hopeless you feel right now I was in the exact same spot but give this a try. I actually did a Toastmasters speech where I talked about misperceptions and contrary to what you might think about a successfully married man, I never dated until the age of 28 and not for the lack of trying either.

It is for me. Women where I live want successful ambitious men ie men with good jobs. They specifically say so. They don’t beat around the bush they come straight out and say it then call me and men like me who don’t meet that not real men.
So I quit my other job and found this one but it’s still not s real job and thus I’m still not a real man ant this undateable.

Sounds to me like a lot of the profiles I saw on POF:
"No games"
"No bad boys"
"Not interested in a hookup"
When I see those terms, it is inevitable that she will date the same losers over and over again. You have to learn not to take statements like that at face value.

I spent a summer on POF. It was a cesspool of single moms and ghetto 'hood rats' (Hip hop lingo). There were some decent girls that I would've been happy to date but they never replied to me and I got extremely exasperated because I was also using Match and eHarmony at the same time. I deleted all three of my accounts after the summer ended but out of desperation tried a 'fling' site that was no better.

I've sworn off dating sites completely. I find them to be frustrating and time consuming.

See? You are learning a lot!

Even if there are decent women on those sites, experience has taught me it take VERY little time for women to be overwhelmed with creepy messages and mentally check out. The only exception seems to be eHarmony but I wasted literally hundreds of dollars on that site. Even with over 25 first dates from that site alone, it is very clear that it is a case of quantity over quality and there is usually a VERY good reason they are still single. That's not even getting into the fact that most women have ridiculous laundry lists of irrelevant things.


Thanks for the kind words.
I maintain that the biggest obstacle that most Aspies face is the same one that I believe kept my wife single for so long (I am NOT complaining about that ). When I went on the first date with her, she was polite, well spoken but she didn't have 'presence' for lack of a better word. If I didn't know about things like anxiety, autism, adhd, etc I would have just wrote her off as disinterested. I honestly didn't think she was into me at all after the third date but I decided to go "all in". While it led to failure the last few times I tried it I was obviously successful with her! I now clearly realize she is a slow mover and is intensely private and I had the wrong idea of her at first.

I couldn't even get a date on a dating site and was actually turned down by a dating agency simply because I work part time. I feel like I am the odd man out in the digital age and being only a part time worker seems to be a bad thing for whatever reason.