New young female co-worker joined today.

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It really depends how it’s done. Second day on a new job, it’s probably not very nice to have some guy you may not be interested in all over you.

Generally to count as harassment it happens multiple times, or he does multiple things that make a person feel extremely uncomfortable. Staring constantly, even if it involves turning around to stare, messaging them constantly. And to be honest a work place is a work place, not somewhere to pick people up.

Sometimes relationships form with work mates as friendship grows, but it’s not sensible using it as a pick up joint.

Take others advice and treat her as a coworker you can get to know. Not a potential wife.

Use your common sense. How comfortable in that job are you or her going to be if you ask her out on a whim and it backfires?

Take it slowly. See if you actually like her. Asking her out before you actually know her will simply result in her being aware that you are willing to have a relationship with absolutely anyone, with no thought to whether you enjoy each other's company. That sure doesn't make a girl feel special.

I asked a girl out at work once. She politely declined but she didn't report me. Afterwards she remained good-natured with me. There was no hint she held a grudge.

QFT. This is good stuff.

Work is not STRICTLY off limits. Just BE CAREFUL, don’t rush. That’s really all you need to know.

I’ve said it this way before: you can’t pick up a woman in a gym because she’s there to work out. You can’t pick her up in the park because she’s there to walk or jog. You can’t pick her up in the library/bookstore because she’s there to read. Not in the cafe because she’s there for coffe and a scone. Not in the bar because she wants to drink. And not at work because she’s there to work.

So where the freeking heck do you go to meet someone???

People do this stuff all the time, so being afraid of creeping someone out just because they’re there to do whatever and being single for the rest of your life is totally bogus. The less worried you are about it, the more likely she’ll go for you because you won’t appear quite as awkward.

So...if we can establish that limits are really imaginary and more about fear than reality, the conversation is not about location and context, but more about timing and strategy.

In other words, we want to see you boost your chances of getting a date. Odds of getting a date increase with the more women you ask out and who reject you simply because SOMEWHERE in there is at least one woman who will accept. In the process, you’ll develop an instinctive ability to enhance those odds. I can’t explain it or tell you HOW, but it seems PUA types are about attempting one way of doing that. I’d say just examine the psychology of it and see what of anything you can adapt. And PUA’s aren’t always successful, nor are they the only successful guys out there. But once you figure it out for yourself, you’ll find some aspects of it get easier with time.

And much of the point of this kind of “go for it” advice is quite simply to increase those odds. Don’t jump on her right away, but make small talk for short bursts of time during breaks. Max 5 minutes. Then leave. If she seems to still want to linger for convos, ask her to lunch so you can talk more. Keep this up with someone over a few weeks and you WILL have a gf. But coming on too strong, too fast, and not making more time to LISTEN will get you shot down fast. I would much rather have a “just friends” who will hang out with me for an hour at the bar on Friday right after work than nothing at all. That won’t stop me from seeing other people, either. And if she doesn’t return my attention, I’m less inclined to hang out if I can start seeing someone else. Eventually the right person will come along who won’t stop at “just friends.” So my primary objective would just be to go out with someone, NOT get a gf. The gf will happen when it’s time.

I can't help but agree with basically everyone here (with the apparent minor exception of RetroGamer87). Don't rush in, and especially try and keep yourself from obsessing over her. Treat her like a co-worker first and foremost.

Don’t s**t where you eat.

Bear in mind that I spent a month getting to know her first. I didn't just ask her out when she was a stranger. Even though he declined I'm still glad I got to know her.

Oh hi Mark!



Okay dude, speaking from experience here..just don't.

Maybe get to know her as your co-worker under a natural, unforced capacity. See how that pans out after a month. If there's chemistry it'll fall into place. I really would avoid asserting yourself into her space. The fact OTHER people are concerned with your interactions with her means she is likely to see red flags also.

I'm not saying it's impossible. You have to meet a girl somewhere. Late last year I hooked up with a girl from my work, and where we both have our own mental health issues it became a s**t storm real quick and there was no way either of us could avoid conflict because we were always put together at work. It was a bad move. So I'm saying even if you manage to catch her eye, you have to consider the long term impact this can have on your job and your reputation, let alone yours and their well being.

Go through the terms of your employment and the employee handbook. Are there policies regarding dating at work? If there are, ignore my advice at your peril.

^ That would happen only if one of you at least is super immature.

I actually talked to my therapist about the situation and she thinks I should just see her as a human being rather than a potential friend or girlfriend. I mentioned to her how I talked to another co-worker and she thinks that it was not a good choice because it could lead to gossip. I told myself today that it's just more of the constant wishing and hoping for a girlfriend that hasn't gotten me anywhere. But my thought processes still bring up worries like "Could this be an oppurtunity and if I blow it, will the universe finally strike me out?" or "I've had such a bad year. Why can't something good happen before it ends?" and they don't stop coming, even when I am tired.

The universe is not going to strike you out just because your life feels s**t, it doesn't do that, it prefers to watch us suffer.

It could be an opportunity, and yes, you might blow it, but it will not be the only opportunity, and you w't blow all of them.

I would wait at least a couple of months--if and when you've had a few decent conversations. But don't do it at all if there's a policy against it.

I've dated co-workers. I've slept with co-workers.

I fell in love with one---which could have turned tragic had I not restrained myself. True story. She followed me home one day, after work, so she can know how a person of a different race felt like in bed. She found out we're just human, after all--so she got bored with me. But I was a 21-year-old smitten guy. I wanted to marry her and have kids with her. But all she wanted was to satisfy her curiosity. I was totally smitten for two years, waiting for her non-existent calls.

I had to work with her for about three years afterwards. Then she left for some reason (nothing to do with me).

I feel more like it will strike me out if I keep letting my anxiety and shyness win over taking chances for happiness. I sometimes worry if I've had chances for relationships before but I either blew them by saying something wrong or overlooked them.

But if there's a policy against you dating someone in your department, you shouldn't ask her out.

There was no explicit policy against co-workers dating when I dated the people I mentioned. If there was, I wouldn't have pursued the relationships.

It's cool to be friends with her, though.

Though nothing is stopping you from talking to her as a fellow workmate. Don’t declare failure before you’ve begun!

I think about the relationships I might have missed out on as well. I say just put those thoughts behind you. Whether you did or didn't miss chances wouldn't matter now, what matters now is what's going on right now!