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shymoose
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10 Nov 2017, 2:21 pm

I always feel like a disappointment to my dad. If we have a disagreement on a topic or even just a misunderstanding, rather than discuss our viewpoints, he just shuts me down by saying "Don't argue with me. I'm right. You're wrong." It's incredibly frustrating.

If I'm sick and my siblings aren't, more often than not I'll get told "You're milking it for attention."

I never move fast enough when doing him a favor, it's my fault if my autistic sibling misbehaves, and it shouldn't take me that long to do college work since kids in public school are done. These things hurt to hear.

Deep down I know I'm not a failure, but it for some reason am still letting it affect my daily life. It's starting to seem like he doesn't genuinely love me and I'm beginning to build up resentment towards him. I really don't want my relationship with him to be this way, but I don't know what else to do. Is there a healthier way to cope with my feelings?


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hurtloam
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10 Nov 2017, 2:29 pm

That sucks.

Unfortunately some people never had supportive parents and don't know how to be supportive of their own children.



loobyloukitty
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12 Nov 2017, 3:14 pm

It sounds like their channelling their struggles out on you. It's a difficult situation, but try not to take it to heart. I'm sure they do love you. If you try to be a little more understanding of them, they should return the understanding to you. If you say, you have another sibling with autism, I am guessing he is on the severer end so therefore requires alot of care and attention which uses up alot of energy and your parents find this difficult in itself. Neurotypicals are similar in the sense that, when they get overwhelmed by a complex situation such as this, they tend to have a breakdown and take it out on their nearest and dearest. My parents did this when I was younger and was in alot of trouble at school, mum would shout at me for being sick. Just give them the space that they need and if you can find a way of communicating your feelings etc to them, then that might help.



RetroGamer87
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21 Nov 2017, 10:20 pm

shymoose, your dad's an A hole and you should just tell him to STFU. Put that petty little man in his place.


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shymoose
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21 Nov 2017, 11:54 pm

loobyloukitty wrote:
It sounds like their channelling their struggles out on you. It's a difficult situation, but try not to take it to heart. I'm sure they do love you. If you try to be a little more understanding of them, they should return the understanding to you. If you say, you have another sibling with autism, I am guessing he is on the severer end so therefore requires alot of care and attention which uses up alot of energy and your parents find this difficult in itself. Neurotypicals are similar in the sense that, when they get overwhelmed by a complex situation such as this, they tend to have a breakdown and take it out on their nearest and dearest. My parents did this when I was younger and was in alot of trouble at school, mum would shout at me for being sick. Just give them the space that they need and if you can find a way of communicating your feelings etc to them, then that might help.


I really appreciate hearing this. I feel like such a complainer to vent without seeking advice. It just affects me emotionally because I get entirely different support from my mom in most areas of my life. The contrast between the two just makes me feels like she loves me and he doesn't.

It's nice to know I'm not the only person who's been through this situation. I think my biggest problem is that I shut down and hide when I'm upset. And I've never felt comfortable having a heart-to-heart with my dad. Hopefully, this is a skill I can eventually learn.


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shymoose
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21 Nov 2017, 11:56 pm

RetroGamer87 wrote:
shymoose, your dad's an A hole and you should just tell him to STFU. Put that petty little man in his place.


I know he's not perfect, but I really don't want to escalate the situation and intentionally anger him. I just want everything to be fixed.

Thank you for the support though.


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TheGreatEscapist
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24 Nov 2017, 6:06 pm

That sucks. I hate it when parents just disregard your position on a discussion and justify it by saying they're the adult/parent so they're right or they don't justify it at all. I would honestly just discuss it with him, let your feelings out. Explain your reasoning. How he responds should show you how much he really cares. If he really cares I would think he would try to be better. Also, I'm sure he does love you. He might just not realize how much he is hurting you. Good Luck!