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starcats
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15 Nov 2017, 11:48 pm

Dear_one wrote:
starcats wrote:
Gradual increase of trust, hmm. No, I don't do that at all. I either trust fully and openly or not at all. It doesn't register as something I'm supposed to do. I suppose this is why I love animals. They either completely connect, or they have obvious, readable signals for fear or territorialism. I've only seen gradual increase of trust with animals necessary when they've been previously abused. I also try to substitute friends for lack of family.


Quite often, gradual is the only possibility. There are people who can feed birds and squirrels from their hand, but they have to work at it. Even stray dogs have to be fed from a distance at first by their would-be adopters. If you want to borrow a million dollars, you have to borrow and return a thousand first.


Yes, I see that. Gradual trust from the other being. I was thinking of it more like training horses. From my side, I can tell instantly if I'm going to get on and ride or be kicked, trust is there or not. The wilder or more previously abused the horse, the more totally open and present I find I need to be to connect and get them to feel comfortable with me. Ironically, that's the thing that drives humans away. I wonder what would happen if I thought of myself as the squirrel needing to work up to trusting people.



Akshara
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19 Nov 2017, 10:11 pm

Wow. I looked away and looked back and there were all these messages! Thank you all so much. It does help to read them, and even just to know that there are people who understand and care.

It also makes me wonder if any of you have the experience of doing well enough socially to be ok, feeling pretty steady with things, clear and focused... And then hit an unexpected social challenge that throws you altogether off the boat for a while. Like maybe a day, or perhaps a week or two, of feeling confused, depressed, disoriented, off your game - just in response to that one emotional event. I'm guessing that's not uncommon, but I think I just need to hear it from some live folks out there, 'cause I get way more thrown that any of my NT friends seem to. Life can be a real lifeboat experience at times...


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Akshara
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19 Nov 2017, 10:20 pm

By the way, is there a way to write someone directly, rather than through a thread? I can't seem to find one....


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Newly diagnosed Asperger's, also Bipolar II. Ready to stop fighting who I am.


Dear_one
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19 Nov 2017, 10:26 pm

Yes, after many years of recovering from a divorce, I was finally making good progress on several fronts. Then, I was woken up by chainsaws taking out my power for three days, and the noise hit at exactly the wrong moment in my sleep cycle, so only parts of my brain woke up. I had severe amnesia for two weeks, and had to leave the province. I still have PTSD from that severely limiting my options. My life has gone through a major upheaval about every seven years.



Dear_one
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19 Nov 2017, 10:27 pm

Akshara wrote:
By the way, is there a way to write someone directly, rather than through a thread? I can't seem to find one....


Click on their name, and then "send PM"



HistoryGal
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20 Nov 2017, 7:57 am

I know the feeling. Mates only ring me up when everyone else is busy ie the popular crowd.