suicidal, again

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Something that has always helped me, when I'm feeling bad, is to write about my feelings, and why I feel that way. Currently, I want to die. I am tired of suffering. So what happened? For at least the tenth time, I was removed from a facebook group that is supposed to be about supporting people with autism. I didn't violate the rules of the group, I didn't insult anyone. These are the people who preach autism acceptance, yet they feel justified to exclude me. Everywhere I go, people feel justified to exclude me, deride me, and even physically assault me. I feel like there is no place on this planet where I belong, surely, the wrong planet.

I have a long history of being abused and excluded. Everywhere I go, people express their derision of me, often in the most harmful of ways that they can get away with. Don't they understand, this is what creates mass shooters? Is it too much to ask, to be accepted? These people, they don't care about autism acceptance, they are hypocrites, pure and simple. There's no place in this world for me, and I want to die.

So you feel rejected and misunderstood, over and over.

WillWhat happened the last time you felt like you wanted to die?

There's a place for you here on WP.

I am going mute now. I don't want to talk to people if they cannot stop hurting me.

Who has hurt you? I'm here if you wanna talk

People keep saying I'm a bully and harass people. It must be true, there's no other way to explain the way I've been treated my whole life, with so much "justified" violence and diminutive comments. I just don't understand how I am a bully, what I do that pisses everyone off so much. I'm sick of being the person that everyone hates. And yet, I have no idea how to change it. I was bullied so severely, abused even, growing up, that I thought much of that behavior was normal. Now, I don't know how to interact with people and not make them angry with me in the process...

Would you be able to give us an example?

Certainly. A great example would be when I was kicked from the facebook group autistic world wide. Someone said fat women are beautiful. I merely pointed out that most men are not attracted to obese women, and used a picture of an obese man to demonstrate the unattractiveness of obese people. This was conflated into me saying that All men do not like fat women, which I did not say, some men prefer fat women, but most men are attracted to women who are healthy. Merely speaking an objective truth was termed bullying, and I was banned from the group. They even started a thread to talk about my bullying. But I don't understand how it is bullying to correct a falsehood. If large women really are beautiful and appealing, then why doesn't hustler have them in its folds? (pun intended) This is a great example, because most of my trouble come when I disagree with someone. I'm a contrarian, so I disagree with most people. The other day in fact, a person was cussing at me and calling me names, more than one person actually, because I refused to believe that half of Trump supporters are racist, like the Washington Post alleges. Even when I lie, and pretend to agree, they say that I'm patronizing. No matter what I do, I am excluded from groups everywhere. I'm told that I'm rude or offensive. The only way I can think of not to offend anyone is to not say anything at all. I'm upset that in any group of people, I will invariably be excluded and derided.

^There’s a lot of shaming and insecurity about weight in our society. I think it comes across as bullying if you're pointing out a very unpleasant truth at a time when someone is least likely to want to hear it. Some people find heavy-set women beautiful, or perhaps certain women. It's reassuring to know that someone finds you beautiful, if you're the woman in question. While it's true that lots of men find fat women unattractive, it's not necessary or helpful to point it out. I admire honesty, and it's possible to be both honest and tactful. I agree with you that the truth is important, even when it hurts. I've been working on tact my whole life and I still make mistakes. It helps a lot to get input from others about how to be truthful if I have to say something harsh, or how to frame the truth more positively.

When did you decide to become a contrarian? Was there some kind of turning point that drew you to that?

contrarian is a negatif type of labeling, contraproductif in the heaven, sceptic or critical is perhaps more neutral
but also not necessairy

facebook is the place to promote and amplify narcistic tendencies in interacting, as a lot of created stimuli do too,

you might need to know about the groupthought of the hivemind(cult),
(weirdly thats the goal of autism-groupthink too)(axeptance by being a good-autistic, lol)
so, if you feel suicidal you might have been absorbing the desire of the group, where you shouldn't do that ! !

I became a contrarian when I realized that popularly held notions are often incorrect. They are almost always incorrect, actually. I'm not a contrarian for the purpose of being contrary, but am a contrarian because I like to think for myself. I like to learn why people think the things they do, compare them, and make up my own mind. For instance, I almost entirely agree with the alt right, with the only exceptions being that I don't think a white ethnostate is feasible, and I don't know for certain any Jews are culpable in the conspiracy to dominate the world through democracy and propaganda. I tend to lean more to the right, but am an independent, and an independent thinker too. There are facts, and then there are interpretations of the facts. Most people let others interpret the facts for them, and ignore the facts that don't fit their narrative. I am a contrarian because I look for all the facts I can find, and make my own conclusions, which are most often vastly different from popularly held views. This is also why I am universally hated, I believe. Most people, when confronted with information that challenge their paradigms, will respond with derision at best. I won't pretend to be the most knowledgeable person on the planet, nor the smartest, but my view of the average person's ability to reason and discern is something best not mentioned in polite company. Even most of the smart people I've met, they fall into the trap of letting others think for them. I'm a contrarian because I try my best to look at everything objectively before I conclude, and if I do conclude, that conclusion is still subject to doubt. A contrarian isn't someone who just disagrees with everyone for the sake of it, but is a person who generally disagrees with people because most popularly held views are absurd when held up to objective truths.

I can only hope you make a breakthrough to achieving a happier state of being in the not too distant future which offers a way out of the suicidal episodes.

While I understand you feel you have a basis to have an opinion about obese people, I also think you already know that to speak that opinion in a group isn't socially acceptable. The consequence is that you are removed from that FB group.

Is there some part of you that gets enjoyment out of upsetting others? Because I do think you realize that your view of the obese was going to get people upset even before you posted it.

The lesson here is, if you choose to learn it, the next group you join you should stay away from controversial opinions you may have. It's fine to have them, it's another thing to publicly post them if there is a chance the group will choose to remove you.

Okay so if you choose to be contrarian you might as well get used to people disagreeing with you. Unfortunately people are just like this. You cant change that. Get used to people excluding and disagreeing- which is what a lot of contrarians put up with, or dont be contrarian at all. Its that simple. Please dont kill yourself because of that fact. Life can be difficult sometimes.