Self-dx, 30-something Aspie

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I'm recently self-diagnosed adult aspie*, and unfortunately a rather effective chameleon.

Multiple family members have professional diagnoses, and there are several others who would have been diagnosed. High IQ has made "hiding" possible, at least behind that mask, but I have reached a point where it is no longer possible.

I'm just starting the process of seeking a professional diagnosis, but regardless of whether or not I get it, I'm terrified of what this means for me professionally. As likely as not, I'm going back to square one in many areas of my life, without the benefit of the clear cut goals that have been my refuge for 20+ years.

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*yes, I know DSM-V, but it is a more accurate description.

Major career changes aren't unusual these days. We see a lot of turnover when the economy improves and people jump to better jobs.

If you are an Aspie, I think it would be best if you were able to parlay a Special Interest into meaningful employment.

You should remember that it is possible for people with the same job title to have vastly different working environments. You may just need to change your working environment to one that is less stressful.

Unless one of your Special Interests is tax code, you really need an accountant (or maybe a good tax program) to figure out how much different jobs are worth. Teachers get a ton of tax breaks. Working for a not for profit at lower pay may actually provide you with more wealth in the long run. A high paying job isn't so high paying if you are unemployed much of the time between jobs.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

The problem with passing as normal is that your expected to behave normally but it's not normal to you so it's exhausting. Give yourself time to adjust to a new way of seeing yourself, and welcome to wrong planet.

The sad truth is you're right my friend high IQ does allow us to be very effective Autistic chameleons which helps us to at least appear normal to most people. I'm usually able to engage my "normal social shield" as I like to call it but the only time that was undone was when I actually managed to go seven years in one job and NTs started to catch on.

It turned into a disaster and a witch hunt ensued and I lost my job as a result because my NT coworkers felt betrayed by this terrible Autistic secret that I had been hiding for so long.

It takes a great deal of effort to suppress my Autistic stimming in the workplace but I can't always do it and it's incredibly draining.

Welcome to the Autistic forums btw.

That's part of the problem... my primary SI is where I was, but sadly the job market for me is all or nothing. The routine fall backs of teaching or social work aren't options for me.

You may want to consider moving to where the jobs are.

While not pleasant, you might consider taking a pay cut to expand your job options.

http://johnhcochrane.blogspot.com/2012/ ... liffs.html
With our wacky tax code and "tax cliffs," a higher wage doesn't necessarily equate to more take home pay, especially for single moms.

Hi! Welcome! I'm 28 and similar boat, except without the family members with diagnoses.

This has been one of the most helpful things for me since "figuring this out". I've been much more forgiving of myself when I make a mistake, and I'm much more understanding of why I'm so wiped out sometimes.

Hi eeVenye, welcome to the forums.

I hear a lot of what you say, I've been a chameleon for my whole life. I figured out things were wrong at 10, discovered AS at 20, but never told anyone until my wife at age 33 (present). I still keep the mask on at work, with friends, and everywhere else. It may be easier for me than many, since I don't have a lot of visible signs or habits or need to stim. But it's really stressful and lonely. Almost all my daily interactions are goal-oriented and I am constantly planning my next one(s), it's gotten much easier as I've gotten better strategies but I never get to let down my guard.

I am an engineer in aerospace, and I think this work environment is better than most, as aspie thinking styles and are tolerated better in these environments and people who struggle with social skills are more common (though still a minority). If I "came out" in my workplace it would be rough, and could certainly impact my prospects for advancement due to discrimination and lack of understanding.

But I've got to ask: Would you mind sharing what's driving your need for a career change? No pressure of course if you don't want to get into specifics.

Currently a seminarian, but have had shut-downs around paper writing at school. Which has led to friction both with school and sponsor. Disclosure is the only thing that might save my position, but at the same time, my superiors like to believe that they know some psychology -- hence discrimination is more likely than understanding.

I'm not likely to dive right back into the 'formation' process, hence I'll likely be starting a new career from scratch after the beginning of the year.

People who know some psychology but think they know a lot can be the very worse to deal with. As I've started to tell people (limited) I've found the reactions surprising and not what I expected. those who should (trained) have been supportive while others have been genuinely helpful The only way to really know how your superiors are going to react is to tell them. It could go badly, but at least then you can concentrate fully on a new career. I'm saying this because uncertainty is my biggest stress, maybe it's different for you, I am still learning what's just me and what's typical Aspie.

That all definitely sounds tricky. For me, big part of me believes that "coming out" would be the best in the long run, it's morally right and true to myself. I can be myself and whoever doesn't accept me or doesn't want to deal will naturally filtered themselves out of my life. The same with jobs.

But then I think, the flip side is, the world is imperfect, and there are bigots and ignorance in many places of power (certainly not all). You can't be "real" all the time (there was a Chapelle sketch about that). Coming out probably means you give up a lot of defences you could previously put up.... they can't discriminate against what they can't see.

I can totally see if you want to get out of that position, where you are very much under the power of those you suspect are ignorant and will discriminate out of their ignorance and pride. That's a terrible place to be, sorry to hear you've found yourself in such a spot

But I'll say this: The idealistic part of me hopes that if you choose to leave or see yourself getting forced out, you can come out and try to educate them on AS and put their souls to the test. Some people can't be reached (e.g. those with high narcissism). But others will shock you in their ability to learn and grow when presented with some hard, honest truths, and "real" stories that don't get often told in our "nice" society where everyone pretends that they are OK inside. There is so little telling of hard truths in our culture that when it's done right, it is super powerful and can really impact them.

Or maybe I'm just being selfish and hoping that you pave the way for something I (and probably lots of us) have been too pragmatic and/or scared to do.

Anyway sorry again to hear you're in such a bind . That's a really awful thing to face. Hope you keep us posted and things work out in the long run.

Finally! have an appointment scheduled, provided I still have my insurance and job (such as it is) in nearly 3 months, though I'll know about that in about an hour.

The difficulty with coming out is that Autism is too hard for the average manager or boss to understand. If you are really lucky you would be able to say that you are just like that Sheldon Guy on Big Bang Theory, and then he would instantly understand that you are gifted at Physics. And knew how to drive without telling his girlfriend. So she would drive you around on a long trip. For most people it would be better just to ask for whatever accommodations you need without bringing up autism.

Hope you didn't get any bad news. Take care of yourself.

Hi eeVenye, and everyone here. I'm new to this site but not to being an aspie. I was dx'd in my mid 20's. You inspired me to share my blog in my signature here too, so that's what the wordpress link is about. I suppose I should title it appropriately so there isn't any confusion. I'll do that now

Take care, and look forward to seeing you all on the forums.