There's no point

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Not what I meant

And that’s be fine as we’d age together at similar mentslmand relationship level.s
Women my age and older already had that relationship and don’t want it anymore they want the older serious relationship that I can’t provide. It’s a compatibility issue.

Not a lot of youthful energetic 40 old women who’ve never had a relationship though. Most women by 30 have had tons of relationships. Heck most have multiple kids by 25 around here. Finding older women with nonor few relationships who have a playful personality and are energetic and romantic and excited about love is hard if not impossible.

So the problem isn't their age, the problem is that you want a girl who's never been in a relationship before? So you can be each other's first love?

In that case age has nothing to do with it. An 18 year old may already have had several relationships and a 30 year old may never had had one.

That's true but I do not agree that it applies to this case.

I'm not claiming that none of them thinks they're better than men, but just because I wouldn't date someone doesn't mean I think I'm too good for him. I'd rather not be with an extremely extroverted, extremely ambitious man. Those are the ones society may treat best and I don't think there's anything wrong with being like them, I just think I am not compatible with them and we have different goals and priorities in life.
Yes, if a woman is hateful towards every group of men she'd not date, that's wrong. If she just wouldn't date them, that's not.


Of course you have a right to think so. And I have a right to disagree.


I'd not agree on that either. If a white person is just not attracted to e.g. the facial features of a particular race, that person has every right to date people he/she feels more attracted to. If a white person believes to be better or worth more or to deserve more rights due to their skin color that person is racist, but there's no obligation to date anyone. If you never felt attracted to a person of one particular race that doesn't mean you believe people of that race are inferior.


I said a man working retail would NOT be a deal breaker for me. I feel happier alone than with a guy with absolutely no income and no intention to ever change anything about that though. Why? I'm neither good at dealing with stress nor at being an adult. I'm not taking full responsibility for two adult people. Stress makes me physically ill. I feel more happy if I'm not physically ill.
Mostly I was not talking about income when I said I'd not be with someone if I'd be happier alone. Happier alone could be due to incompatible personalities.


Different women have different lists of requirements. That you meet 90% of their list of requirements may be true for some of the women who rejected you, but it's not true for all women.
You could have been a good boyfriend for some of them if they had really gotten to know you, but dating sites will always be superficial because superficial things are the only things you can get good information about without having met someone in person yet and you don't have the time to meet everyone in person (too many men on dating sites).

I think you either misread what I wrote or I worded it wrongly or I'm misreading something now. I didn't say it was guys who try to talk gender politics (the gender politics is why I wouldn't mention it to women who may be feminists). Just that I would not want to seem desperate for a relationship towards a guy if I am not interested in this particular guy or if this is a bad time for me to start a relationship. He'd likely interpret it as a try to start a relationship with him or as an invitation for casual sex.
I was talking about reasons why, even involuntarily single women may be hesitant to mention it towards other people in general and thus why it may seem that they don't exist. If she's interested in this guy and too socially awkward to think of a better way to let him know she's interested, saying that she can't find a boyfriend and doesn't want to be single may not be the worst idea. It just can lead to awkward situations if mentioned to the wrong kind of guy and if she constantly mentions it she's bound to also mention it to the wrong kind of person.

Oh. Now I get it. I thought you meant when a girl mentions she's single the guy will complain how he has it so much harder than her.

And if this is the case, there's a difficult but important question that needs to be asked:

Am I so hung up about this because of insecurity about my own lack of experience?

"First love" is also ridiculously over-romanticised and idealised in our society. If it was so wonderful, everyone's "first love" would end up being their partner for life, whereas in reality most "first love" relationships are brief, clumsy and fraught with miscommunication. Obviously, I don't know this first hand, but all of my "settled down" friends that I've ever spoken to about it have agreed on this point.

That’s normal, most women wouldn’t.
And most men wouldn’t mention this subject to a female in real life.

There are things that people don’t talk about to the opposite sex and this is one of them.

I dont know about that I’ve loved other women. We never were in a official relationship though.

A 30old woman will have a lot more relationships then a 18 old
Say on a age a wo,an has 2-3 relationships a year. Some have less some have more.
So a 30 old woman on a age could have had 30-45 relationships. A 40 old woman could have had 50-75 relationships. While a 18 old could have 6-9 relationships, a 25 old could had 20-30. So the older a woman gets the more relationships she’s likely had. On average. Some may have had non. While I’ve known a few women to have 2-4 a month. So 24-48 a year. Most women don’t seem to have trouble finding relationships. Not saying some here don’t have problems. But your avagre nt woman who’s pretty doesn’t have issues and doesn’t stay single long.

Someone who’s had 20+ relationships has gotten the excitement out of relationships they’ve experienced everything. I’ve experienced nothing. Everything will be new and exciting for me in a relationship which will just be annoying to them they’ve already experienced it they don’t want thst stuff they want to be serious save for a house, have kids. Most relationships stuff is old and boring to them.

So the same reason a lot of women here don’t think a 18/19 woman shouldn’t date a 30 old guy is why I shouldn’t date a 30 old or older woman. I’m just as naive if not more so then a 18-20old woman. I’m certainly more naive then the 18 old woman I game with.

I get along better with younger women.go figure. Most my friends were younger too until they grow older and out paced me in adultness.
I certainly would prefer a woman with no experience birth relationship wise and sexually. Such women are a rare minority. So the fewer the better. The less they reject me the less they’ll find me annoying for my inexperience and naivety

You've spoken to these women at great length then, I assume, seeing as you are so intimately aware of all this incredibly personal information about them?


As you seem keen on the application of arithmetic to the problem, consider this: It takes two people to have a relationship, the number of hetero men is about the same as the number of hetero women, and polygamy is uncommon. It is a mathematical certainty that on average hetero men and hetero women are equally promiscuous (this, of course, does not tell us how likely they are to lie about it!) Therefore, most men don't seem to have trouble finding relationships, either.


And the less annoying you are, the less they'll reject you for being inexperienced and naive.

Unless lots of women have relationships with the same few men. Quite a few men are in multiple relationships until the women find out about each other. Handsome well off men get relationships more then men like me especially in my area with 3,000 extra men. A guy could dated 40 women. So those 40 women had relationships while if there were 40 women and 40 men 39men didn’t. So there isn’t a equal number of guys who’ve had relationships to women who have, also those well off guys get around.
My niece and my sisters friend have never had problems jumping from guy to guy. She broke up with her husband and already has a guy less then week later. Same for my sisters friend (who I was into) she’d never go more then 2 weeks without a boyfriend. Those guys found other women too.

If the logic of 1/1 was true I’d have had atleast one gf in 15 years. Could you honestly dispute that a small population of guys get most the women?
Not at the same time , except for players who cheat and have 2-4 gfs at once.

Sorry I can’t get less annoying without getting s gf and experiencing that stuff. Inexperienced is only gotten rid of with experience. Catch 22. FYI Incase you missed it they find me annoying because I’m inexperienced and naive while they are not from having relationships.

"As you seem keen on the application of arithmetic to the problem, consider this: It takes two people to have a relationship, the number of hetero men is about the same as the number of hetero women, and polygamy is uncommon. It is a mathematical certainty that on average hetero men and hetero women are equally promiscuous (this, of course, does not tell us how likely they are to lie about it!) Therefore, most men don't seem to have trouble finding relationships, either."

I'm sorry mate, but this is not a mathmatical certainty at all.

What!? I've dated plenty of women over 25 and a few in their early 30s and none of them have had more than 5 relationships. I don't know where you're getting that 25-30 year old women have had dozens of relationships.

This has been my experience too. At least, when reading relationship ads the profiles are not looking for males like me. They are generally looking for a single financially stable adventurous fit outgoing exciting travel-friendly partner. Women today usually can support themselves and are looking for somebody ‘issue free’ in regards to socializing, traveling, or day to day living. There’s nothing wrong with that but it makes it hard for those of us who are less than financially stable adventurous fit outgoing exciting travel friendly and more issue laden.

@slyy279 Don’t give up! I know how totally frustrating all this is. I’ve learned to date myself, apparently, a fade among middle class women now. It’s not that bad but I don’t take myself places anymore but I’m okay with that.

^ I have no problem if they support themselves and able to do that - and want someone equal from that perspective.

I have a problem tho with the women who CAN'T support themselves and yet rely on men to achieve these leisure dreams; and expect these things from men. And I dare to say this is very common, the dating up mentality is still very ...very common.

Yes, that was the point. You are applying arithmetic and "logic" to a problem space where it isn't going to tell you anything useful. The problem, and potential solutions, are social in nature, and can only be solved by thinking about them in a social way. Hard for many autistic people, I know, but that's just how it is. The temptation to use styles of reasoning that are more comfortable for us is something I understand, and I often fall into that trap myself.


Yes, I would dispute that. It is the people who struggle like we do who are the "small population". But you are sitting at your computer complaining about this on a forum in which there is an unnaturally high concentration of people who are very similar to you. Beware of the "echo chamber" effect!


Indeed. The (admittedly self reported) average seems to be around 6-12 partners in a lifetime in most studies that I've seen reported. And there's also a good chance that "quantity" and "quality" may well be inversely correlated.

Which brings up another question to always ask yourself honestly. Are you looking for a "relationship" or "sex". No judgement intended, either is cool as long as pursued in good faith. But be careful not to mix up one-night-stands with relationships.

@sly279
I realise that I seem to have singled out your posts for comment. Please don't take this as a personal slight. Far from it, I appreciate that you are just being honest, and you describe your thinking in a very clear way. It chimes with me, because it is exactly as I would have thought at your age (and much older too!) I understand the pain and frustration, and I don't mean to belittle it.