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RetroGamer87
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18 Nov 2017, 12:59 am

karathraceandherspecialdestiny wrote:
Outrider wrote:
With regards to relationships, hurtloam is the only woman on Wrongplanet who complains she is unhappy being single, and even she said she would rather be single than in a relationship.

Autistic women struggle too, but it seems they are on average better at coping with being single.

Yes autistic men outnumber autistic women.but it seems the majority of women.who pass through here are either on relationships or perfectly, absolutely totally content being single now and forever.

What a world apart from the men here who feel intense loneliness every single say.

Again I'm not downplayinf things.

I'm sure many aspie women feel lonely too and don't like it.

But...where ARE they?

This is one of the biggest aspie sites on the internet. Love & Dating is one of the most fullest sections

I see autistic women struggle IN a relationship here but ones that can't get a boyfriend at all?


Do you think it's possible there are women on this site who read along and are discouraged from posting their own experiences because of what they see written about women here, and they see how autistic women are treated when we do try to talk about our struggles? It's one of the things that contributed to me lurking for quite a while before I made an account and started posting comments. Isn't it possible that could be a contributing factor to the imbalance in posting patterns between men and women in this forum?

It's hard to be motivated to speak about your experiences when you see others like you having their experiences be invalidated because of their gender. This hostility exists in many spaces in nerd culture and various fandoms too, so many of us nerdy women are familiar with it already.

Do you think it's possible that there are men who are discouraged from expressing their feelings because they're afraid of being called sexist?

It's hard to be motivated to speak about your experiences when you see others like you having their experiences be invalidated because of their gender. This hostility exists in many spaces in mainstream culture.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Nov 2017, 1:12 am

^ I am not seeing single women complaining in the Women’s section either.
In fact, I recall to have seen a thread there about single women and literally 99% of them said they were single by choice or don’t care or given up due to past bad relationships.

The difference in pattern between women and men here is undeniably obvious.



RetroGamer87
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18 Nov 2017, 1:30 am

So why are women ok with being single? I can think of 4 possible answers.

1. Some have suggested that women who want a partner can get a partner easily, this would mean that the only women who remain single are those who want to be single. However, I don't believe this is true.

2. There are single women who do want a partner but they don't say so because they're afraid they'll be criticised by feminists. They've heard other women say "I need a man like a fish needs a bicycle" so they don't want to say they do need a man. They don't want to appear dependant.

3. It has been said that women are more choosy about when, if and with whom they enter a relationship because women bear a higher cost in producing offspring. I cannot confirm or deny this hypothesis, I can only say that I'd be terrified if someone was going to put a 5 pound parasite in me.

4. Maybe men feel a greater need to get a partner because our culture says that successful men have a partner (it does not say that about women). There's a lot of virgin shaming, mostly from men and occasionally from women. This shame might make a man who's only casually interested in getting a girlfriend desperate for a girlfriend.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Nov 2017, 1:34 am

Chronos always said it’s because of the testosterone difference.

She is probably right.



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18 Nov 2017, 1:45 am

Outrider wrote:
With regards to relationships, hurtloam is the only woman on Wrongplanet who complains she is unhappy being single, and even she said she would rather be single than in a relationship.

Autistic women struggle too, but it seems they are on average better at coping with being single.

Yes autistic men outnumber autistic women.but it seems the majority of women.who pass through here are either on relationships or perfectly, absolutely totally content being single now and forever.

What a world apart from the men here who feel intense loneliness every single say.

Again I'm not downplayinf things.

I'm sure many aspie women feel lonely too and don't like it.

But...where ARE they?

This is one of the biggest aspie sites on the internet. Love & Dating is one of the most fullest sections

I see autistic women struggle IN a relationship here but ones that can't get a boyfriend at all?



I can't remember if It was you or someone else who pointed out that Women have better
emotional support circles. Even us odd women do. I've found other quirky women in the same situation as me. We're all a bit off in the way Kara described above. But we at least have each other to spend time with and that means our lives aren't devoid of social interaction which helps us to feel less despaired and lonely.

Men have a lot of societal pressure to be virile and women aren't under the same pressure. We are allowed to not be as sexually forward it's not as big a part of women's outward identity, we're more liable to be labels sluts than studs (although as I mentioned earlier we can fall into the undesirable boring frumpy category. But then we just make other frumpy friends and we can still have our own little group and go to concerts and museums together etc Granted the normal women want nothing to do with us and it's hard to mix with them as I've pointed out in my couples don't get it thread, but at least us frumps have each other which makes being single easier to bear and vastly better than being with just anyone).



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18 Nov 2017, 1:48 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Chronos always said it’s because of the testosterone difference.

She is probably right.


I think that's true as well. When I was younger I had a higher libido and it was frustrating that men were just not interested in me, thats why I'm empathetic with the guys here.

I'm a hell of a lot happier now that's mellowed out. Getting older isn't that bad after all.



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18 Nov 2017, 1:55 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
Who's James Damore?


I posted a link further back in the thread. Keep up Pet. ;)



RetroGamer87
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18 Nov 2017, 2:03 am

hurtloam wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
Who's James Damore?


I posted a link further back in the thread. Keep up Pet. ;)


I wouldn't be defending him. His memo was rife with scientific accuracy.

Even if his assertions were true when averaged across the whole population that doesn't make them true when applied to individuals.


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hurtloam
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18 Nov 2017, 2:06 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
Do you think it's possible that there are men who are discouraged from expressing their feelings because they're afraid of being called sexist?

It's hard to be motivated to speak about your experiences when you see others like you having their experiences be invalidated because of their gender. This hostility exists in many spaces in mainstream culture.


The way around that is to describe what happened to you and how it affected you. I can managed that. I never say 'men are awful commitment-phobes and all they want is sex" or "men just want someone to do their laundry and cook their dinner" although that's kind of what the world seems like to me through what i observe. Instead I describe my personal struggles because I know those 2 statements there are broad generalisations and there are plenty of men out there who don't fit into those 2 statements.

It's not that hard if you stop and think. Although I posted the James Damore article to highlight how aspies can point out things in the wrong way and cause a storm. So I do get it, but it doesn't mean we can't learn to express ourselves without putting down a whole gender.

Stick to what actually happened rather than conjecture about "how women are" which made the thing happen. One can share feelings without blaming a whole other gender.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Nov 2017, 2:14 am

He’s idiot, even if there’s some truths in what he wrote, what made him to write it in the first place? What’s the motif? He just destroyed his career.

What a stupid move.

Engineers shouldn’t mingle their careers with gender politics or other controversial issues.



sly279
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18 Nov 2017, 2:55 am

hurtloam wrote:
RetroGamer87 wrote:
Do you think it's possible that there are men who are discouraged from expressing their feelings because they're afraid of being called sexist?

It's hard to be motivated to speak about your experiences when you see others like you having their experiences be invalidated because of their gender. This hostility exists in many spaces in mainstream culture.


The way around that is to describe what happened to you and how it affected you. I can managed that. I never say 'men are awful commitment-phobes and all they want is sex" or "men just want someone to do their laundry and cook their dinner" although that's kind of what the world seems like to me through what i observe. Instead I describe my personal struggles because I know those 2 statements there are broad generalisations and there are plenty of men out there who don't fit into those 2 statements.

It's not that hard if you stop and think. Although I posted the James Damore article to highlight how aspies can point out things in the wrong way and cause a storm. So I do get it, but it doesn't mean we can't learn to express ourselves without putting down a whole gender.

Stick to what actually happened rather than conjecture about "how women are" which made the thing happen. One can share feelings without blaming a whole other gender.


Super summary: society screw sly over. Life of a sub human man who doesn’t meet societies requirements. I shall go back to refraining to post anymore besides my threads since apparently we should only post in our own threads.


My personal struggles are cause most women are too picky about men’s job and status

Providing 10 women who aren’t on this forum doesn’t invalidate the thousands and thousands in my area who are and the hundred or so million who are in the USA and the billions in the world. I don’t entirely blame women either. Thy only doing what society and their parents raised them to do who’s parents raised them to do who’s parents....etc
I do wish there’d be some movement to put a stop the the archaic standard, but feminism doesn’t care about male issues, and mra is t big enough and gets attacked constantly. So men’s datability will continue to be based of their job and status in life.

I hardly ever see male profiles saying women need to have their life together. Why is it most men could care less about a woman’s job, and life status? But women won’t date a loser who doesn’t have that stuff. Society is screwed up. Judging men by their job is so 1930s it’s 2017 women work now, women have higher paid jobs then a lot of men. They need to start accepting that guy who works retail. Like generations of men didnfor women and still do today. Lots of wife’s working retail at my work. Their husbands and boyfriends aren’t pushing them to get better jobs or climb the corporate ladder either. True equality would mean this would go both ways that most women would be fine dating a guy who’s makes substantial less then them, but society says such men are Not manly, losers, not real men. Real men are the breadwinners, real men bring home the cash, real men provide, real men don’t take any money assistance from women etc.
Sp freaking archaic. Makes men like me feel sub human makes us suicidial.

You’ve acknowledged in the past thst a lot of women do require such things. Even ones who don’t straight out say it but just list off how they have all that stuff.

Sure there’s millions of women who don’t. But most are in relationships or happy single. Neither of which is helpful for men like me. Leaving us the ones unhappily single but that won’t consider us men worth dating.

It’s hopeless situation . I won’t stop talking about it. I live it every day it’s hell. Venting about it is the only minor escape I get. If women who don’t do thst want to take it personal i dont know what to do it’s not about you, it’s anout me and thos millions of women who judge men on their job and life status. I don’t rape women so when women talk about all the guys who raped them I don’t take it personal. Why can’t women here just be like I don’t do thst so it’s not about me, unless they do do it and that’s why they get upset cause they feel in the right to judge men based on a archaic system
It confuses me.

I often feel my person experience is invalidated and I get called sexist and a liar and crazy. Like women here know every single woman in my city and state even though they often live in other nations. They have no freaking idea how women are here but side with them anyways solely cause they women. That’s sexist.

Summary, society bad, society need changed. But society won’t change. Men like me screwed. Why should we vent and seek some minuscule comfort from others. I have no one else to talk to. Everyone in person just tells me to get my life in order, find s better job, they don’t get that I’m disabled and can’t. They see me as just another nt who’s lazy and needs to pull myself up by my boot straps. They see me as a loser for for not having a wife and kids by 30.

I’m same as I am in person as here. I suppose I’m one of the few people on the internet that doesn’t creat so,e alter ego online.

I don’t want to chase women away, I’m not part of a wp conspiracy to push women off or intemidate women. I like women, women don’t like me. Yes I’ve become bit bitter from said women. It’ll probably get worse. I don’t believe in love anymore. Based on what I’ve seen and my experiences most women are incapable of love. Some are and they again already have it and are in a relationship, they didn’t date and marry based off job and status but off his personality and interests, yay for such women, and those guys are so utter lucky. For the guys who could lose their wife if they lost their job or got demoted and who’s wife’s constantly require them to make more and get promoted I feel so sorry for them, being in a lovelsss relationship. For if you love someone truely love someone their jobs income, status doesn’t matter, you’d love them if they were homeless.
Most My generation has no freaking clue about real love, they love money and status it’s sad. Humans haven’t adapted well at all to modern times. I’d think the women who fought to get rid of arranged marriages for love marriages would be ashamed to see modern women marrying for the same exact reasons their parents arranged marriages in the past. We’ve come full circle. Wish I’d been alive in the 50-60 non meteralistc love and all that.



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18 Nov 2017, 3:11 am

Sly people have always been shallow and materialistic difference is its harder to be successful today than in the past, even for NTs.

8,000 years ago average man had to build shelter for his family, build weapons and canoes, go.out fishing and hunting every day with the boys and collect building materials and firewood.

1,000 years ago average medieval man was a peasant farmer who worked hard in the fields all day and came home to a wife and kids to have dinner.
They lived in a village near their landlord and boss of the farm.

You didn't need to.study 4-6 years for a degree, didn't need to.fill out a job application. You didnt need to be educated at all. In fact average medieval farmer was poor and illiterate

50 years ago college was for the rich kids and wasn't needed for a job.

2017?

College is MORE expensive then back then but you NEED a degree for.most jobs.

Inflation means everything costs more than it use to so a dollar won't get you as far anymore.

Housing is more expensive than ever, electricity is very expensive today in Australia, there are less jobs than unemployed people, cities are bigger, more developed and more crowded meaning it takes hours to drive to work now in some cities.



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18 Nov 2017, 3:43 am

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
He’s idiot, even if there’s some truths in what he wrote, what made him to write it in the first place? What’s the motif? He just destroyed his career.

What a stupid move.

Engineers shouldn’t mingle their careers with gender politics or other controversial issues.


I wondered that too. But I found out Google had asked for employees to give feedback on some policies. Most people would know there is a line, but literal aspie thinks ok yeah I will give you some feedback if you want. Then is confused when well researched feedback is not received well.



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18 Nov 2017, 3:45 am

Housing costs increased much more exponentially than wages.

50 years ago people would pay about 10% of their wage to cover housing cost - now a 50% is barely enough.



sly279
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18 Nov 2017, 3:46 am

Outrider wrote:
Sly people have always been shallow and materialistic difference is its harder to be successful today than in the past, even for NTs.

8,000 years ago average man had to build shelter for his family, build weapons and canoes, go.out fishing and hunting every day with the boys and collect building materials and firewood.

1,000 years ago average medieval man was a peasant farmer who worked hard in the fields all day and came home to a wife and kids to have dinner.
They lived in a village near their landlord and boss of the farm.

You didn't need to.study 4-6 years for a degree, didn't need to.fill out a job application. You didnt need to be educated at all. In fact average medieval farmer was poor and illiterate

50 years ago college was for the rich kids and wasn't needed for a job.

2017?

College is MORE expensive then back then but you NEED a degree for.most jobs.

Inflation means everything costs more than it use to so a dollar won't get you as far anymore.

Housing is more expensive than ever, electricity is very expensive today in Australia, there are less jobs than unemployed people, cities are bigger, more developed and more crowded meaning it takes hours to drive to work now in some cities.

Not always there was a whole generation of women that fought so they could marry for love so they could marry poor men they loved rather then wealthy men their parents picked.

Don’t need more then two min wage employed people and a ok appartment. Why do most women need multiple cars, a big house, vacations to Europe, etc. why
What’s somfreaking wrong with a happy simple life.



The_Face_of_Boo
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18 Nov 2017, 3:53 am

sly279 wrote:
Outrider wrote:
Sly people have always been shallow and materialistic difference is its harder to be successful today than in the past, even for NTs.

8,000 years ago average man had to build shelter for his family, build weapons and canoes, go.out fishing and hunting every day with the boys and collect building materials and firewood.

1,000 years ago average medieval man was a peasant farmer who worked hard in the fields all day and came home to a wife and kids to have dinner.
They lived in a village near their landlord and boss of the farm.

You didn't need to.study 4-6 years for a degree, didn't need to.fill out a job application. You didnt need to be educated at all. In fact average medieval farmer was poor and illiterate

50 years ago college was for the rich kids and wasn't needed for a job.

2017?

College is MORE expensive then back then but you NEED a degree for.most jobs.

Inflation means everything costs more than it use to so a dollar won't get you as far anymore.

Housing is more expensive than ever, electricity is very expensive today in Australia, there are less jobs than unemployed people, cities are bigger, more developed and more crowded meaning it takes hours to drive to work now in some cities.

Not always there was a whole generation of women that fought so they could marry for love so they could marry poor men they loved rather then wealthy men their parents picked.

Don’t need more then two min wage employed people and a ok appartment. Why do most women need multiple cars, a big house, vacations to Europe, etc. why
What’s somfreaking wrong with a happy simple life.



You would obviously prefer a typical rural woman.