There's no point

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Interesting but this is about the issues register .



I am one of the 'lurkers' on hurtloam's threads.

Wishing to turn back the clock is not "accepting reality" (I'm assuming the age next to your avatar is accurate, naturally.)


...erm...



Because of this...


I had my first serious relationship this summer (Note: the forum has messed up my birthday somehow, I'm actually 47.)
She's over a decade older than me, has grown up children, etc.
I really, really enjoyed the, ahem...
.

Here's the rub.

Q1.) Is a "youthful excitement" relationship better than with someone older and more experienced?
A1.) I don't know, and I'm never going to know. Maybe nor are you.

Q2.) Was my relationship with an older woman better than when I was single and lonely?
A2.) Undoubtedly.

All that matters is whether the person you are with right now puts you in a happier place than you were in before. By idealising what you think a youthful relationship is like, you are cutting off the possibility of having a different kind of relationship, with a different kind of woman, that could be just as rewarding, albeit maybe in different ways.

As for your blatant ageism - I'll let you off, as really I do understand how passionate the frustration can make people, I felt it myself for several decades.

Hello and welcome

Yes I know. There's no point doing the same thing and expecting different results.

I can't remember why I started this thread on such a grumpy note. I'm quite excited about beginning my new life in a new place.

I had a dream where this guy I used to like he led me move house and we had a nice time lsughkngvand joking and I woke up melancholy. Can't remember if that was the same day I started this thread.

Good post

I understand Sky's wish to have someone new and excited by newfound love. I'd always had that ideal too.

But it doesn't bother me so much any more.

Sly you know how you're saying that if you are all a person needs personality wise then a job shouldn't matter. Also if a person is all you need then their age won't actually matter.

I love how getting older is seen as a moral failing on women's part.....

Even if you hook up with a young hot chick, she'll get older eventually.

So that's why I don't own a house.

I've seen tons of women's dating profiles that say "I'm looking for a boyfriend who can travel with me" and then have lots of selfies of her all over Europe and Asia.

"I'me looking for someone who can travel with me" effectively means "I'm looking for someone can afford to travel with me". It excludes the lower class.

Well tell that to him. He's one the one using stupid generalizations. I'm sure plenty of women are bad with IT yet IT jobs tend to attract people with an interest in IT. That's likely to make them more IT savvy than the average woman.
So?

Then they're shooting themselves in the foot. If I was single and a girl told me that she was lonely and wanted a boyfriend, I wouldn't be telling her how much harder it is for me to get a girlfriend, I'd be asking her out.

No wonder it's hard for these guys to get a girlfriend if they think meeting a single girl who wants a boyfriend is an opportunity to talk gender politics. Maybe that's why I've got a girlfriend and they don't

I have never mentioned this subject to a male in real life.

Not what I meant

And that’s be fine as we’d age together at similar mentslmand relationship level.s
Women my age and older already had that relationship and don’t want it anymore they want the older serious relationship that I can’t provide. It’s a compatibility issue.

Not a lot of youthful energetic 40 old women who’ve never had a relationship though. Most women by 30 have had tons of relationships. Heck most have multiple kids by 25 around here. Finding older women with nonor few relationships who have a playful personality and are energetic and romantic and excited about love is hard if not impossible.

So the problem isn't their age, the problem is that you want a girl who's never been in a relationship before? So you can be each other's first love?

In that case age has nothing to do with it. An 18 year old may already have had several relationships and a 30 year old may never had had one.

That's true but I do not agree that it applies to this case.

I'm not claiming that none of them thinks they're better than men, but just because I wouldn't date someone doesn't mean I think I'm too good for him. I'd rather not be with an extremely extroverted, extremely ambitious man. Those are the ones society may treat best and I don't think there's anything wrong with being like them, I just think I am not compatible with them and we have different goals and priorities in life.
Yes, if a woman is hateful towards every group of men she'd not date, that's wrong. If she just wouldn't date them, that's not.


Of course you have a right to think so. And I have a right to disagree.


I'd not agree on that either. If a white person is just not attracted to e.g. the facial features of a particular race, that person has every right to date people he/she feels more attracted to. If a white person believes to be better or worth more or to deserve more rights due to their skin color that person is racist, but there's no obligation to date anyone. If you never felt attracted to a person of one particular race that doesn't mean you believe people of that race are inferior.


I said a man working retail would NOT be a deal breaker for me. I feel happier alone than with a guy with absolutely no income and no intention to ever change anything about that though. Why? I'm neither good at dealing with stress nor at being an adult. I'm not taking full responsibility for two adult people. Stress makes me physically ill. I feel more happy if I'm not physically ill.
Mostly I was not talking about income when I said I'd not be with someone if I'd be happier alone. Happier alone could be due to incompatible personalities.


Different women have different lists of requirements. That you meet 90% of their list of requirements may be true for some of the women who rejected you, but it's not true for all women.
You could have been a good boyfriend for some of them if they had really gotten to know you, but dating sites will always be superficial because superficial things are the only things you can get good information about without having met someone in person yet and you don't have the time to meet everyone in person (too many men on dating sites).

I think you either misread what I wrote or I worded it wrongly or I'm misreading something now. I didn't say it was guys who try to talk gender politics (the gender politics is why I wouldn't mention it to women who may be feminists). Just that I would not want to seem desperate for a relationship towards a guy if I am not interested in this particular guy or if this is a bad time for me to start a relationship. He'd likely interpret it as a try to start a relationship with him or as an invitation for casual sex.
I was talking about reasons why, even involuntarily single women may be hesitant to mention it towards other people in general and thus why it may seem that they don't exist. If she's interested in this guy and too socially awkward to think of a better way to let him know she's interested, saying that she can't find a boyfriend and doesn't want to be single may not be the worst idea. It just can lead to awkward situations if mentioned to the wrong kind of guy and if she constantly mentions it she's bound to also mention it to the wrong kind of person.

Oh. Now I get it. I thought you meant when a girl mentions she's single the guy will complain how he has it so much harder than her.