I get no enjoyment out of interacting with people

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AceAndroid
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13 Nov 2017, 9:09 pm

I have diagnosed Asperger's Syndrome, and I know that trouble with social interactions is par for the course, but I have been finding a strange contradiction within myself that is driving me crazy.

First of all, I am hyper-empathetic. I care deeply about people and want everyone to be happy, safe and healthy. I try my best to help others and often do so from a distance. Frequently I enjoy observing people and sometimes listening to their stories (if they are interesting people).

Here is the catch: I get absolutely 0 enjoyment out of interacting with people. I hate it. It's not just that it makes me feel anxious, but I just get no positive benefits from it at all. Even if I find someone who shares my same interests, we go through the motions of saying "Oh, I like that too!", or "What is your favorite XYZ?" and then it just ends. So we share an interest. What is the purpose of it? Even talking to people online gives me little joy. I will do it to ask questions or get help, but nothing meaningful ever comes of it.

Honestly, I wish that I could be an invisible being and just roam the Earth observing people without them noticing me at all. Just by thinking about this situation, I can imagine the sense of freedom I would have, and I can imagine myself doing anything. Unfortunately, that's not how things work.

The odd thing is that I watch tv shows or read books about friendships, and I really would like to experience that kind of relationship, but theory seems so much different than practice. Perhaps I am just romanticizing this mythical concept of "friendship" in my mind, so I am always disappointed? Still, I know I need friends because otherwise I will be completely alone and I am a very dependent person.

Does anyone else experience this? Any tips on how to overcome?



ZachGoodwin
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13 Nov 2017, 9:36 pm

Edited*



Last edited by ZachGoodwin on 13 Nov 2017, 10:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IgA
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13 Nov 2017, 10:10 pm

Think your perspective could change if instead of enjoying other people in object form, can you enjoy people as a team? It is rare for me to find people I work with well, because I am a serious worker. I want to focus solely on the task. When I work with others & we all stay focused on the task, & successfully complete the job, it is awesome. That is my most favorite kind of interacting. Social interacting isn't anything I enjoy, so try to avoid it if I can. I do have difficulty with team-work in many areas, but physical labor or assembly work I can enjoy extra hands & minds -- just as long as they are not talking about other things.



AceAndroid
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14 Nov 2017, 11:08 am

That's an interesting perspective, IgA! I am glad to hear that you have found something that works for you. Tomorrow I have an event where people will be working as a team. I'll try to keep positive about it. :)



hyksos55
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16 Nov 2017, 9:13 am

I feel very similar and can relate to what you are saying. I want friends but tend to find people tedious, they are interesting to observe but not so much to interact with. It seems very difficult to be involved with others because I see such a dichotomy between what people say and what they do. I do agree with IgA in that there is something satisfying when you participate and complete a task with others when the focus stays on the task. I find the biggest turn off when it comes to people is their ego, I haven’t got time for such things.


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elbowgrease
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16 Nov 2017, 8:56 pm

I can relate. Even as far as wishing to be invisible. Although sometimes I feel like I'm invisible, and like that's the problem.
Sometimes I feel like a hungry ghost, a vampire. That's the negative side. I love people, and want to be able to be around them, but most of the time I just can't stand being around them.
There are exceptions. Sometimes it's awesome, I'll have a great experience involving another person and feel amazing afterwards. But those are pretty rare, and it isn't necessarily specific to a person. May be awesome once and draining every other time.



TheSpectrum
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16 Nov 2017, 9:09 pm

iGA's sentiments are shared.
There's a lot of people I have no common ground with I meet up every weekend.
What gels us together is we are on rival pool teams and are considered friendly competition.
We don't say anything particularly meaningful if at all, or make huge efforts to listen or speak.
It's for the most part outside of the game, pointless antics. But in the end it's that part that keeps it amusing.


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emmasma
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17 Nov 2017, 9:25 am

IgA wrote:
Think your perspective could change if instead of enjoying other people in object form, can you enjoy people as a team? It is rare for me to find people I work with well, because I am a serious worker. I want to focus solely on the task. When I work with others & we all stay focused on the task, & successfully complete the job, it is awesome. That is my most favorite kind of interacting. Social interacting isn't anything I enjoy, so try to avoid it if I can. I do have difficulty with team-work in many areas, but physical labor or assembly work I can enjoy extra hands & minds -- just as long as they are not talking about other things.

I have really enjoyed the teamwork aspect of many of my jobs. I think I find relief in the many small positive human interaction without having to actually socialize because it isn't about that. It does get bad for me during down times when everyone starts just talking and stuff but that's probably good for me to as long as I can force myself to keep going back to face them.
I guess this might not help your dilemma though because coworkers aren't dependable friends outside of work unless you become actual friends with them outside of work. You still have to do all the socializing for that to happen.