Is this a fair-weathered friend?

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Hi:
I had a fight on Facebook messenger today with another person from my place of worship due to an disagreeing with her views on her Facebook group and feeling like she wasn't listening to my post.

I sent her a private message and told her that I disagreed with her views and it upset me. She got mad back and told me to chill and that I was overreacting. I said no and that I wanted to speak my mind and she accused me of overreacting and was harassing me. She also told me that she was removing me from her group and from her life as a Facebook friend. She said that though she still cares about me and that I struggle with autism, she decided to set healthy boundaries.

Honestly, this is the first time I have ever let her know that I was bothered by something that she said and she's acting as if I did something to her constantly.

Sounds (to me) more like she's an NT with strong boundaries.

Here's an example of something I'm going through:

Met this lady at an art gallery who talked her head off, dominated the conversation, and wouldn't give me a chance to get a word in edgewise in the small group we were standing in. Finally I was able to talk, and mentioned that I had been having trouble keeping up with the conversation but that I was definitely listening and really did care.

So then I get this e-mail from the talkative lady suggesting that I should
"practice talking."

Excuse me?
I know how to talk perfectly fine.
It's just that I haven't quite gotten the hang of getting a word in edgewise
around certain extroverts who won't give others a chance to talk.

While it's tempting for me to fire back a nasty e-mail in this woman's direction,
I think the best thing for me to do is ignore it
and keep a polite distance the next time I see her in person.
Sure, I can say hello to her in public,
but I don't need to be warm and friendly with her.

If I were to send her an e-mail complaining about her rudeness,
she would only get mad, use it against me, gossip, ruin my reputation, laugh at me ...
so it's not worth it for me to give her the time of day.
And frankly, she doesn't deserve my time.

When dealing with a Facebook group owner,
if you tick them off,
it's quite common you'll find yourself banned ...
doesn't matter who is right
or who is wrong.

Phoenix,
I understand why she would want to remove me from her facebook group but a few things

1. I sent her a private message and so I would not cause a stir in the group
2. This is the only time I got upset with her because I didn't like how the posting was going and she is acting like I was out to get her today when I just didn't agree with her views on things
3. I didn't call her names, use curse words or tell her or put her down in any other ways.

I am very sad about this because I thought that this woman was someone who would be a mentor figure in my life but I got this instead.

Hi Summer Twilight,

Firstly, want to let you know that I feel bad that you got kicked out of the Facebook group, even if you understand. There are definitely moderators out there who get angry and use banning people as a weapon. You'd like to think that mods are always fair and just, but no, they're only human and can be mean.

I can understand where you're coming from about your disagreement with this lady because I'm older than you, and in some ways you remind me of how I was when I was younger. In short, I thought that people played by the rules and if you explained nicely to them why you disagreed, they would automatically listen and respond in a polite way to work things out. I've since learned different. That, no ... the world is often not the way it should be ... especially when you're dealing with an NT and the social rules they follow.

To explain, here's what you said again. I'll post your sentences and then my analyses:

"I sent her a private message and told her that I disagreed with her views and it upset me. She got mad back and told me to chill and that I was overreacting."

Okay ... so far so good. Sounds like you spoke your mind the right way, you acted perfectly fine, ... she got mad, and that's a shame, but it's her right to feel the way she wants to.

"I said no and that I wanted to speak my mind and she accused me of overreacting and was harassing me."

When you said "no", you were crossing her boundary. Because by telling you to "chill" she was saying that she didn't want to discuss the matter with you any more. "Chill" meant "stop it." As for her accusing you of overreacting, that was nasty on her part ... in fact, she could have worded her whole message to you nicer than she did.

"She also told me that she was removing me from her group and from her life as a Facebook friend. She said that though she still cares about me and that I struggle with autism, she decided to set healthy boundaries."

That's harsh. Now the thing is, I don't know everything that went on between you and her. Based on some previous posts of yours that I've read together with this thread, it seems to me that maybe you really want closure in social situations, ... even when the other person wants to be left alone? If that's the case, I would say that in future, speak your piece once, and when someone sets a boundary and doesn't want to discuss something further, it's best to respect that. ... And sometimes, it's best not to speak at all.

"Honestly, this is the first time I have ever let her know that I was bothered by something that she said and she's acting as if I did something to her constantly."

Option 1) At face value ... she doesn't want to invest patience into a friendship. Sadly, NTs often do not take the time to get to know people with autism.

or

Option 2) Maybe she was giving you social cues on other occasions that you were making her feel uncomfortable, and you weren't picking up on her social cues? I say this because it sounds like something I would do ... there are times when I simply miss other people's social cues and then wonder why they are all upset with me.

As for being disappointed, I'm sorry you're going through this, and know it can be hard.

Phoenix:
Thank you for summing that up for me and though I am both angry with her and very sad about her choices, we really were not that close. It came to me that I really don't know anything about this woman other than the fact that she is a blogger. It's coming to me that maybe I wasn't as interested in her as I thought because I never invested any time getting to know her.

Now regarding the two options:

I could see that that both of your points being valid
A. I get the hint that she is someone who avoids conflicts and has low tolerances

B. I have had similar problems in the past where I got together with people where I thought they were nice and appeared to be accepting. Then when I wasn't around, they would complain about how they didn't like me and were fed up. Usually when I was around her, she seemed to be very pleasant and never dropped any lack of interest.