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bethannny
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16 Nov 2017, 10:50 pm

I am nearly 28 and the way I have been ''remembering'' my childhood and early teens is not actually the way it happened. I have come to the conclusion that I have been having collective false memories. There were a number of negative events and situations that never actually occurred and the memories I have of that time are drastically different then how they actually occurred.

What do you think could cause this?



League_Girl
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17 Nov 2017, 1:46 am

bethannny wrote:
I am nearly 28 and the way I have been ''remembering'' my childhood and early teens is not actually the way it happened. I have come to the conclusion that I have been having collective false memories. There were a number of negative events and situations that never actually occurred and the memories I have of that time are drastically different then how they actually occurred.

What do you think could cause this?



How did you find this out? Are you sure you're not being gaslighted?


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plainjain
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17 Nov 2017, 2:27 pm

Officially, there's no condition called "False Memories" or "False Memory Syndrome", even though you might hear it a lot, or read about it, those are hoaxes. They are not included in the DSM-5, which is used by doctors in Canada as far as I can see, so they're not real, and you shouldn't waste your time with them.

What you describe sounds like something officially named, "Dissociative Amnesia". It's one of several "Dissociative Disorders", and they are closely related to "Post Traumatic Stress Disorders". Dissociative Disorders are included in the DSM-5, and you can seek treatment for them. Here are a couple of links:

https://www.jimhopper.com/child-abuse/r ... n-the-dsm/
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-con ... c-20355215

League_Girl's question is important! Gas lighting means that when you try to confirm your memories by asking other people who were involved, they intentionally lie, and make you believe that your memories are wrong. If someone is telling you your memories are not true, try to consider whether that person may have some reason for being dishonest with you.

Could that person be afraid of prosecution, social disapproval, or economic repercussions? Could they be afraid that if they "tell", the abuse might be directed toward them? Could they be traumatized, also, and also not remember clearly what happened? Could they be embarrassed, or ashamed, or afraid you will "leave" them?

Research has shown that memories are not perfect, and can change over time. But if memories were completely unreliable, then no one would ever remember how to tie their shoes, or recite the alphabet. If you can do those things, then there is no reason to automatically figure that your recollections of trauma are unreliable.

There is some evidence that if a person is "hypnotized" in a clinicians office, and prodded in certain ways, hypnotized subjects might produce "recollections" that aren't true. But if your memories came to you naturally, outside or inside of therapy, if you were not "hypnotized" when you recalled them, there's a much better chance that they are more accurate. Sometimes they can be surprisingly precise.



bethannny
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17 Nov 2017, 9:00 pm

plainjain wrote:
Officially, there's no condition called "False Memories" or "False Memory Syndrome", even though you might hear it a lot, or read about it, those are hoaxes. They are not included in the DSM-5, which is used by doctors in Canada as far as I can see, so they're not real, and you shouldn't waste your time with them.

What you describe sounds like something officially named, "Dissociative Amnesia". It's one of several "Dissociative Disorders", and they are closely related to "Post Traumatic Stress Disorders". Dissociative Disorders are included in the DSM-5, and you can seek treatment for them. Here are a couple of links:

https://www.jimhopper.com/child-abuse/r ... n-the-dsm/
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-con ... c-20355215

League_Girl's question is important! Gas lighting means that when you try to confirm your memories by asking other people who were involved, they intentionally lie, and make you believe that your memories are wrong. If someone is telling you your memories are not true, try to consider whether that person may have some reason for being dishonest with you.

Could that person be afraid of prosecution, social disapproval, or economic repercussions? Could they be afraid that if they "tell", the abuse might be directed toward them? Could they be traumatized, also, and also not remember clearly what happened? Could they be embarrassed, or ashamed, or afraid you will "leave" them?

Research has shown that memories are not perfect, and can change over time. But if memories were completely unreliable, then no one would ever remember how to tie their shoes, or recite the alphabet. If you can do those things, then there is no reason to automatically figure that your recollections of trauma are unreliable.

There is some evidence that if a person is "hypnotized" in a clinicians office, and prodded in certain ways, hypnotized subjects might produce "recollections" that aren't true. But if your memories came to you naturally, outside or inside of therapy, if you were not "hypnotized" when you recalled them, there's a much better chance that they are more accurate. Sometimes they can be surprisingly precise.


No I don't think I typed my post to be clear enough in what I meant. I know repressed memories are a bogus condition, I was not referring to that. I meant more of an altered memory where I remembered something that was dramatically different than how it happened. Sometimes the reverse.

It did happen to be tainted with a negative undertone though even though as I'm now realizing the true memory was not ''negative'' vs the ''false'' (altered) memory. I was hypnotized several times back in '05 in a therapists office several times and I think she played a role in influencing my perception that I had more of a negative childhood than I actually did. She perceived me as someone coming out of a situation ''riddled with abuse'' as I did spend time in foster care off and on.

As for the people ''telling me'' about these things - it's not gaslighting. They have picture evidence. For example my false memories tell me I was the odd one out in school and had no friends yet there is pictures of me posing with a group of girls in several photos appearing to ''belong''. Yet I have no memory of them being my friends - but the pictures show me at their homes and at parties.

And that is not even the half of the problem. There are other things. I hope I don't have a type of early onset dementia.



plainjain
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18 Nov 2017, 11:46 am

Thanks for clarifying, bethannny.

I understand your concern since you were hypnotized in '05. She may have influenced your perception, that's true. However, there's nothing inherently wrong with noticing the foster care system often can be an abusive and negative environment, anywhere in the world. That doesn't mean that every child is exposed to abuse or violence, though. So I can see why you would want to be cautious regarding her assessment.

On the other hand, I'm guessing that she said what she did based in part not just on what she's seen of foster care statistics, but also what you described of your own experiences. Is that right? Did you remember negative experiences and describe them to her before she said you were coming out of a situation "riddled with abuse"? The reason I ask is because the order things happened in is important. If you remembered, told her what you remembered, and then she commented about how negative your childhood was, that's not an example of her influencing your memories. It is if she started making comments like that right away without even getting to know what you recalled.

Having been hypnotized does confuse things. But simply being hypnotized a few times many years ago doesn't automatically mean that all of your memories are mistaken, either. Especially if you've remembered things when you are not under hypnosis.

Personally, I think it's a shame that people working in the field of psychology still use hypnosis and meditation at all. When I went to therapy the first thing I said is that I absolutely wouldn't work with anyone who used hypnosis or meditation, and the psychiatrist here said they would never do that, like it was just standard not to, or unethical or something. But I'm in the U.S., and I don't know what's standard in Canada! If you go back to therapy, it might be a good idea to tell them you're not comfortable with hypnosis, especially if you feel like you're suggestible, or easily influenced.

So . . . why am I still indicating that your memories might be true, despite the fact that you mentioned you have picture evidence to the contrary?

Because they still might be true.

Giving the benefit of the doubt to the sources of the photos, and assuming that they aren't staged or photo-shopped, and assuming that those are genuine moments in your life that really did happen . . . try to remember that those photos capture one tiny second in time. Most people pose and try to look happy when a camera is on them, especially when they are at a party. A person might try doubly hard to look like they fit in if they normally were the "odd one out", and it was unusual to be invited to a party. It doesn't mean that you actually were happy, or felt like you fit in. And the other girls can't presume that you felt happiness or acceptance just because you attended a party.

I've been to lots of parties where I probably looked happy on the outside, but all I felt on the inside was uncomfortable and wished to go home.

I notice something important about your description of the photos. You said that you have no memory of these girls being your friends. And that is still consistent with Dissociative Disorders, especially some type of Dissociative Amnesia, or Dissociative Identity Disorder, or even a Fugue State.

It is very possible that the girls in the photo remember things differently than you, not because you're wrong, but because you've compartmentalized the memory due to feeling stress at the time of the parties. If you were used to feeling left out, and suddenly you had friends, and then the friendships failed, for example, your mind may have buried the memory because that was painful for you. Or maybe those girls were not as nice and friendly to you all the time, as it seems in the snapshot. Maybe their mothers made them invite you, and they were only being nice when they had to. Maybe something negative happened later on that didn't have to do with the girls being mean, but somehow related to the whole year, and so you forgot everything about the whole year. There are all kinds of possibilities that could have triggered a dissociative episode for you at the time.

I don't know very much about Dementia. However, Dementia I think usually begins with dysfunction of short term memories, and memories of the distant past are left intact. You can make an appointment with a neurologist, if you're concerned about dementia. It takes more than one test, but if they can rule it out, then you can move on to the next idea and stop worrying about that.

I want you to know that I can relate very much to where you're coming from. I've been struggling with memories I'm not sure I can trust since around 2002, and it's the worst. I've tried to confirm things with mixed results. It's so depressing and stressful to think that you can't rely on your memories. And I've been right where you are now, thinking it was maybe dementia, but I did go to the neurologist, and that isn't it. In therapy, I was pretty sure it was some kind of delusions or psychosis, maybe related to depression, but eventually my therapist disagreed and did say she thought it could be dissociative amnesia when I asked her about that.

Sometimes I've had memories that I was entirely sure could not be true for one reason or another, and then another memory came along much later (sometimes years later) that made me realize the first memory had been incomplete, and that was why it seemed so strange. It is an exercise in patience!

So it could be something like dementia. Or dissociation. Another possibility for strange memory formation is some kind of partial seizure. Maybe you could mention it to your doctor, and see if they have ideas for what might be causing all of this for you.

Wishing you well!