what are some things you CANNOT do because of your ASD?

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AquaineBay
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18 Nov 2017, 1:15 pm

StampySquiddyFan wrote:
^^^^I have a lot of problems talking on the phone too! I never talk on the phone because of them. What is hard for you when talking on the phone? I'm curious! :D

It's mostly trying to find things to talk about or keep a conversation going. I don't even make phone calls for appointments and similar things because my anxiety spikes up like crazy and I start mumbling and have trouble listening.


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18 Nov 2017, 2:24 pm

I can't get a job based on interviewing alone, and when I've had jobs in the past, I'm often the first to be laid off when those hit. With the last job I had before my current one, they specifically didn't say I was laid off, but that I was never scheduled. As I was afraid of missing work because I didn't know I was scheduled, I called every week to find out if I was scheduled until I was told to quit calling. One thing I know I can never do is telemarketing or direct sales where you earn commission because of my Asperger's.

Now, the job I've had since July of this year is different as it's designed for people with disabilities, so it's slightly more secure. The AS trait of not making small talk is almost an asset since at this job where I'm a mail clerk means that I get my deliveries done faster because I'm not wasting time chatting with the employees I'm delivering packages to.



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18 Nov 2017, 3:42 pm

Didn't think about the talking on phone one. I'm usually ok of someone calls me, but initiating the phone call sucks :(



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18 Nov 2017, 4:12 pm

Oh yes, I also can't multi-task, be assertive, stand up for myself, or speak understandably over the phone, no matter how hard I try at any of them.


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18 Nov 2017, 4:26 pm

Raleigh wrote:
There is nothing I cannot do.
I have a very strong mind and will.
No one can tell me I can't do something that I can't then go and do.
I'm stubborn like that.
I can do anything.

I can cost me though.
And I can't do things consistently.
And I may need time to recover.
But, damn, don't tell me I can't do things just because I'm autistic.


That's how I feel too. Reality has a way of disagreeing with me, though, but I fight it all the way.

I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing.


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18 Nov 2017, 5:07 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
I can't trust my vocal cords to respond to my commands - sometimes I'm incapable of speaking understandably, or even at all.


This occurs and I get so frustrated with myself, sometimes the train of thought I was trying to verbalize comes out nonsensical(Word Salad), other times I'll fumble on enunciating and get stuck, attempting 2 or 3 times to say the word before giving up. But then sometimes I just place the words in the wrong order of proper grammar in a Yoda like mishmash.

The worst feeling is when my vocal cords don't respond at all. At a loss for words doesn't quite explain it as I have something to say, but my voice fails to activate.

These incidents always rattle my mind to notice as I know someone else should have just noticed as well.



dragonsanddemons
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18 Nov 2017, 5:14 pm

Parterak wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
I can't trust my vocal cords to respond to my commands - sometimes I'm incapable of speaking understandably, or even at all.


This occurs and I get so frustrated with myself, sometimes the train of thought I was trying to verbalize comes out nonsensical(Word Salad), other times I'll fumble on enunciating and get stuck, attempting 2 or 3 times to say the word before giving up. But then sometimes I just place the words in the wrong order of proper grammar in a Yoda like mishmash.

The worst feeling is when my vocal cords don't respond at all. At a loss for words doesn't quite explain it as I have something to say, but my voice fails to activate.

These incidents always rattle my mind to notice as I know someone else should have just noticed as well.


That's exactly what happens to me. Sometimes also I will be able to speak, but not loudly/clearly enough for others to understand. I agree, it's incredibly frustrating.


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18 Nov 2017, 5:49 pm

CANNOT do?

Well the answer to that, is that there isn't very much that I can't do. But there are things that are very difficult.

*Copying numbers accurately when doing mathematics. How many times have I punched the wrong numbers into the calculator? For some reason, strings of digits such as 5.2568 tend to turn into something like 52.658 far too often.
*Learning how to tie new types of knots. I've been sailing for seven years and still can't remember how to tie a bowline or reef knot accurately. Of course I know what the finished product should look like... but not the steps needed to get there. It took seven years (or longer) to figure out how to tie shoelaces.
*Writing a b instead of a p (or the reverse) and 3s for Es on occasion.
*Memorizing strings of letters/digits.
*Following multiple instructions at once (they get out of order).
*Spatial awareness (good thing I don't live in a big city; I'd never get anywhere).
*Writing neatly at a decent speed.
*Tasks that require good coordination.

So basically, my worst nightmare these days is anything requiring sequencing. While I'm not the most socially aept, I think I can handle myself fairly well -- most of the time anyways. Sensory input doesn't bother me much either.


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nephets
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18 Nov 2017, 6:02 pm

underwater wrote:
Raleigh wrote:
There is nothing I cannot do.
I have a very strong mind and will.
No one can tell me I can't do something that I can't then go and do.
I'm stubborn like that.
I can do anything.

I can cost me though.
And I can't do things consistently.
And I may need time to recover.
But, damn, don't tell me I can't do things just because I'm autistic.


That's how I feel too. Reality has a way of disagreeing with me, though, but I fight it all the way.

I can't decide if that's a good or bad thing.


Agreed. I can do all the things I listed I can't do, but at considerable cost. I WILL pay for doing something on my list later. Most of the time, I prefer not to build up my anxiety, so I avoid the things which cost me.



Parterak
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18 Nov 2017, 6:23 pm

dragonsanddemons wrote:
Parterak wrote:
dragonsanddemons wrote:
I can't trust my vocal cords to respond to my commands - sometimes I'm incapable of speaking understandably, or even at all.


This occurs and I get so frustrated with myself, sometimes the train of thought I was trying to verbalize comes out nonsensical(Word Salad), other times I'll fumble on enunciating and get stuck, attempting 2 or 3 times to say the word before giving up. But then sometimes I just place the words in the wrong order of proper grammar in a Yoda like mishmash.

The worst feeling is when my vocal cords don't respond at all. At a loss for words doesn't quite explain it as I have something to say, but my voice fails to activate.

These incidents always rattle my mind to notice as I know someone else should have just noticed as well.


That's exactly what happens to me. Sometimes also I will be able to speak, but not loudly/clearly enough for others to understand. I agree, it's incredibly frustrating.


Yep, how many times do I have to repeat myself, but I don't adjust my volume up so they just say "what?" again, or tell me that I'm mumbling. At which point I usually just say never mind.

Pretty certain this is more my fault as I sound so incredibly loud to myself I don't think I should have speak up like I'm addressing a group of people when its just a personal exchange. But also may be due to the excessive amount of personal conversations I've not been apart of that I still have to endure due to the people speaking so loud.

The smoke deck at work can get pretty heavily congested when they are doing training classes and they all take break at the same time, suddenly there is 20+ people squeezed into a good 20'x20' area with a large metal picnic bench bisecting it, so I am alone sitting on top of the table with my feet on the seat bench just running through my own thoughts and now I can hear every single group conversation or person speaking on their cellphone. I don't feel the need to escape from the situation due to overload anymore, but I think it reinforces my feeling to speak at a lower volume as I find it more appropriate not to be blasting a conversation loud enough for anybody within 20 feet to hear me, especially since I can't trust myself not to voice fumble I don't need the attention of everyone noticing my failure.



dragonsanddemons
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18 Nov 2017, 6:30 pm

Parterak wrote:

Yep, how many times do I have to repeat myself, but I don't adjust my volume up so they just say "what?" again, or tell me that I'm mumbling. At which point I usually just say never mind.

Pretty certain this is more my fault as I sound so incredibly loud to myself I don't think I should have speak up like I'm addressing a group of people when its just a personal exchange. But also may be due to the excessive amount of personal conversations I've not been apart of that I still have to endure due to the people speaking so loud.

The smoke deck at work can get pretty heavily congested when they are doing training classes and they all take break at the same time, suddenly there is 20+ people squeezed into a good 20'x20' area with a large metal picnic bench bisecting it, so I am alone sitting on top of the table with my feet on the seat bench just running through my own thoughts and now I can hear every single group conversation or person speaking on their cellphone. I don't feel the need to escape from the situation due to overload anymore, but I think it reinforces my feeling to speak at a lower volume as I find it more appropriate not to be blasting a conversation loud enough for anybody within 20 feet to hear me, especially since I can't trust myself not to voice fumble I don't need the attention of everyone noticing my failure.


That happens to me all the time, too, and being asked to repeat myself just makes me more anxious/less confident, which only makes it harder to speak - and when I decide it's way more effort than whatever I wanted to say is worth and say "never mind," my parents always try to respond with things like "But I don't want to 'never mind.'" Doesn't work, though, because by that point I'm usually frustrated enough that I won't say any more. I've thought my quiet voice might be due to my sensitive hearing - I sound louder to myself than I do to others, so I don't know I'm too quiet until they tell me.


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Esmerelda Weatherwax
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18 Nov 2017, 9:24 pm

A lot of mine are emotional or psychological - I've got that Aspie hangup on fairness and playing by the rules (when the rules are rational and themselves fair) and I'm cursed with pattern recognition in the behavioral area.

So I had a lot of trouble tolerating BS and manipulation at work. I could keep quiet, but I could not feign approval, and if the BS and manipulation were going to adversely affect the quality of my work, I couldn't keep quiet, either. Some places where I worked would hold all day or even multi-day pep rally things, and I didn't go to them unless project deadlines were extended to compensate.

I also would advocate for people whom I saw being treated unfairly - even knowing I'd face retaliation, because it was just. wrong. This did not go over well when I was briefly a manager.

This is a sad one: I cannot ignore or forget about roadkill. I am still mourning animals I saw decades ago. Hard to explain. They lived, they mattered, someone should care, I'm available. I don't count my dead daily, but there are many times when I remember them. My dad (also Aspie) was the same way with this. He and I both would stop our cars to try and chase an animal off the road to safety.

I cannot handle people treating funerals as if they are parties or family reunions - unless the deceased specifically wanted to be celebrated in that way. A good man I knew died suddenly of an aneurysm, leaving behind a young widow and a tiny baby, and people were behaving as though his funeral was a party - while his widow stood mute and stiff and absolutely white with grief. I just wanted to scream at them. All I could do was hug her and stay near. (Lead us not into temptation, and deliver us from NTs.)

I can make eye contact but only briefly, unless you are my intimate - or I would like you to be :oops: :oops: . That's for humans only; I can gaze into the eyes of my cats and pet mice, and any wild animal who permits it, for hours on end (bunnies, squirrels). Ditto my intimate.

I've got weird dyspraxia. It comes and goes. Some days I swear I'm right up there with Misty Copeland, some days I can't get through my own house without bumping into every door frame. I've learned just to roll with that, although dancing helps.

Indirect lighting. I bounce it off the ceiling as much as I can, use VERY frosted bulbs where I can't. When I worked, I never turned on the overhead fluorescents - they hurt. I bounced a baby spot off the ceiling. People used to come in to my office "for the ambience".

Conversation? Oh my. NTs are just rude, people.
Rude, rude, rude.
-- They will start their own conversation with someone else, right in the middle of you answering them about something THEY asked YOU. (And no, I wouldn't be monologuing at them.)
-- They will ask you something and start talking over you TO YOU about SOMETHING ELSE before you finish even one sentence. (And I mean: five words out of your mouth, and they're off.)
-- The idea that thoughts can come in sets - as in, a full response might take two sentences, even three - seems utterly alien to them unless they're the ones talking.
And NTs in groups? Fugeddaboudit. I used to be invited to group lunches all the time when I worked. I'd go, happily even, but I always took a novel. And sat at one end of the table. And about five minutes in, by which time everyone was talking to everyone but me, I'd pull out my book and enjoy a read. I could process their voices as pink noise, if I had something interesting. (If I sat in the middle of the table, I was still talked around, but people seemed more uncomfortable when I pulled a book out in response. No, it never occurred to them to forestall the book reveal by including me in the conversation - apparently I was some sort of animated furniture. I never bothered trying to figure that one out.)

What else? I cannot have a conversation if there is a TV on. Can't do it. Music OK if not vocal. And I drive NT friends insane if we are at a restaurant with live music, because I'm going to listen to it, and try to be encouraging to the poor musicians, stuck up there being sonic wallpaper.

Yeah, that's enough of my weirdnesses for now. I'm sure there are more.


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18 Nov 2017, 9:28 pm

I can't do small talk
There are times that I don't think before I talk
Incontinence
Be around more than two people at once
Ride a regular adult sized bike
Poor fine motor skills
I hate talking on the phone unless I'm talking to friends or family
I can only cook simple meals and most of them aren't that healthy. Hamburger Helper or Kraft Dinner, anyone?
I suffer from insomnia from time to time
I can't sleep in a room that's completely dark


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18 Nov 2017, 10:23 pm

AquaineBay wrote:
StampySquiddyFan wrote:
^^^^I have a lot of problems talking on the phone too! I never talk on the phone because of them. What is hard for you when talking on the phone? I'm curious! :D

It's mostly trying to find things to talk about or keep a conversation going. I don't even make phone calls for appointments and similar things because my anxiety spikes up like crazy and I start mumbling and have trouble listening.


Ah, I struggle with that too! I am always like “Yeah” and “Okay” and I rarely actually contribute something meaningful to the conversation. I also hate having to process what they are saying without being able to like read their lips or something, since I always look at the mouth of people when they talk to me (if I can look at them at all). I much prefer email.


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18 Nov 2017, 10:56 pm

Esmerelda Weatherwax wrote:
A lot of mine are emotional or psychological - I've got that Aspie hangup on fairness and playing by the rules (when the rules are rational and themselves fair) and I'm cursed with pattern recognition in the behavioral area.

So I had a lot of trouble tolerating BS and manipulation at work. I could keep quiet, but I could not feign approval, and if the BS and manipulation were going to adversely affect the quality of my work, I couldn't keep quiet, either.


Conversation? Oh my. NTs are just rude, people.
Rude, rude, rude.
-- They will start their own conversation with someone else, right in the middle of you answering them about something THEY asked YOU. (And no, I wouldn't be monologuing at them.)
-- They will ask you something and start talking over you TO YOU about SOMETHING ELSE before you finish even one sentence. (And I mean: five words out of your mouth, and they're off.)
-- The idea that thoughts can come in sets - as in, a full response might take two sentences, even three - seems utterly alien to them unless they're the ones talking.
And NTs in groups? Fugeddaboudit. I used to be invited to group lunches all the time when I worked. I'd go, happily even, but I always took a novel. And sat at one end of the table. And about five minutes in, by which time everyone was talking to everyone but me, I'd pull out my book and enjoy a read.


I'm right there with you on these points Esmerelda. I have very little patience for incorrect behavior from NTs and groups of them amplify this effect to a very large extent.

Workplace environments are especially difficult for me for this reason as well and I'm still working on a solution but at 42 I don't think I'll ever come up with one that's satisfactory for me. I think at this point it's simply a matter of increasing my tolerance level for this sort of BS.


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18 Nov 2017, 11:55 pm

^ Good luck, xatrix. It's grueling.

I was lucky enough to work for an organization that allowed us to have our own offices. With doors. That closed. And locked. And they allowed me to have a white noise generator in my office.

Beyond that, what kept me going was my special interests at first. Towards the end it was the promise of retirement - I just kept reminding myself that I'd be on a permanent sabbatical *with stipend* if I could hold on long enough, and all the rude NTs would be just a fading memory.


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