Why was he behaving this way towards me.

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Jamesy
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19 Nov 2017, 10:23 am

Until recently i used too hang out with this guy who was high functionally autistic and worked in a care home for People with dementia. When we would go out too clubs/ bars he would be very nice and he did feel anxious but was still very social with people.

However during the course of the night and when we headed back too his apartment later on too chill he would all of a sudden take a funny turn and go on about how he wanted too start fights with people.

When went back too his apartment every time he would rant on about the same topic about how "big 6ft1 sterioud abusers" are looking too humiliate me (yes me the OP) in front of there girlfriends. He once even punched his fridge in front of me a few times.


He would insist on walking me haĺfway home too and without me realising it he would stick a piece of chewing gum on the back of my trousers.

Can you give me your opinion on his behaviour towards me. :?



jonny23
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19 Nov 2017, 10:57 am

Sounds like a bully to me. Probably acts nice around other people because they know they won't get away with it then. Anyone who tries to intimidate you and puts gum on your cloths is not someone to hang out with. It usually just gets worse.

Scarry that he works with people with dementia. Hope he treats them better.



the_phoenix
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19 Nov 2017, 10:58 am

Well, it ain't good ...



Jamesy
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19 Nov 2017, 11:25 am

the_phoenix wrote:
Well, it ain't good ...



Elaborate? When were in bars together he would often walk with me everywhere (even too the restroom)

He often charms women though in nightclubs.



the_phoenix
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19 Nov 2017, 11:38 am

Jamesy wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
Well, it ain't good ...



Elaborate? When were in bars together he would often walk with me everywhere (even too the restroom)

He often charms women though in nightclubs.


Yep, he treated you well in public so he would be seen as having a good reputation.
So that if you dare speak up in public about how he treats you in private, nobody will believe you.

But going to the restroom with you ... isn't that rather creepy?
And it makes you look inferior in front of others,
like you need his help to go to the bathroom.
Such that you have lower social status than he does.
Unless men normally accompany each other to the restroom in your country.
In the USA, that's typically a female thing ... at least in my own experience,
and that said, being an independent Aspie, I'll go to the restroom myself, thank you very much.

And yes, I bet he charms women. Once again, it's about how he looks in front of an audience.

And your question was ... why was he behaving this way towards you.
As in, you personally.
Again ... it ain't good.

*Edited to add more info on the restroom thing.



Jamesy
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19 Nov 2017, 12:08 pm

the_phoenix wrote:
Jamesy wrote:
the_phoenix wrote:
Well, it ain't good ...



Elaborate? When were in bars together he would often walk with me everywhere (even too the restroom)

He often charms women though in nightclubs.


Yep, he treated you well in public so he would be seen as having a good reputation.
So that if you dare speak up in public about how he treats you in private, nobody will believe you.

But going to the restroom with you ... isn't that rather creepy?
And it makes you look inferior in front of others,
like you need his help to go to the bathroom.
Such that you have lower social status than he does.
Unless men normally accompany each other to the restroom in your country.
In the USA, that's typically a female thing ... at least in my own experience,
and that said, being an independent Aspie, I'll go to the restroom myself, thank you very much.

And yes, I bet he charms women. Once again, it's about how he looks in front of an audience.

And your question was ... why was he behaving this way towards you.
As in, you personally.
Again ... it ain't good.

*Edited to add more info on the restroom thing.





I had 2 friends that were gay who accompanied each other too the restroom.



KimD
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19 Nov 2017, 12:38 pm

I don't blame you at all for being puzzled by this man's actions, and I wish I could offer more insight, but I don't think I can! I do agree with what others have said here, and I want to emphasize that I think you shouldn't get together with him again.

Whatever his motivations were, I am very certain they weren't kind or benign.



KimD
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19 Nov 2017, 12:40 pm

jonny23 wrote:
Scarry that he works with people with dementia. Hope he treats them better.


So do I!



Jamesy
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19 Nov 2017, 2:59 pm

What's worse is that women seem too love men who are bullies.

I read up that women find it extra sexy when men dominate others



Sweetleaf
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19 Nov 2017, 4:03 pm

Jamesy wrote:
What's worse is that women seem too love men who are bullies.

I read up that women find it extra sexy when men dominate others


But you say he didn't act like that publicly, thus he probably doesn't act like a bully to women he tries to 'pursue' at least not at first...probably draws them in and then treats them like crap. I certainly don't find senseless violence and fights 'sexy' if a guy was defending himself or someone else from someone trying to attack that would be cool, but no one looks very sexy after a physical confrontation usually.


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garysoneji
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19 Nov 2017, 4:12 pm

Being on the spectrum, he likely doesn't have the same psychological reasoning as NTs, so asking him why he does something may be more beneficial than asking for an interpretation based on your own interpretation.

He could be uncomfortable being alone, so he tags along when you leave the area, even if it's to the restroom. You're also going to to bars, which I assume means you're drinking, so that could explain some of him talking to others and the aggression he feels afterward. Maybe he has experience being bullied, so he fantasizes about beating up people who remind him of his tormentors. He could think the gum thing is funny and doesn't have the empathy to first think that you wouldn't like it or that it could ruin your clothes.

What does he mean about people looking to humiliate you in front of their girlfriends? Are they doing that?


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Jamesy
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19 Nov 2017, 5:23 pm

garysoneji wrote:
Being on the spectrum, he likely doesn't have the same psychological reasoning as NTs, so asking him why he does something may be more beneficial than asking for an interpretation based on your own interpretation.

He could be uncomfortable being alone, so he tags along when you leave the area, even if it's to the restroom. You're also going to to bars, which I assume means you're drinking, so that could explain some of him talking to others and the aggression he feels afterward. Maybe he has experience being bullied, so he fantasizes about beating up people who remind him of his tormentors. He could think the gum thing is funny and doesn't have the empathy to first think that you wouldn't like it or that it could ruin your clothes.

What does he mean about people looking to humiliate you in front of their girlfriends? Are they doing that?




No there not humiliating me.

I think he is implying that at 5ft7 and weighing between 150-160 pounds I am vulnerable too getting beaten up and humiliated by bigger men nightclubs. He also said that although i am 'straight' i look quite gay in appearance why also makes me a target.