Told friend I might go on a date

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angela8
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20 Nov 2017, 2:11 pm

I told an Aspie friend, who knows I like him an awful lot, that I was considering meeting a guy for drinks. He heard about this guy because I told him he had a lot of bad breaks lately, which I found perhaps hard to believe. Also my potential date said he'd love spending a week with me. My Aspie friend got all upset and called the guy a potential killer. I find it hard to believe he'd get killer out of this. I thought he was jealous. When I asked if he was jealous, and I realize that was stupid, he said no, he was concerned for me because the guy seemed too weird. I guess I'm fishing for any compliment I can get, but I don't believe his story. He's usually honest, as far as I can tell. What are your thoughts?


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Hopelessly3
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20 Nov 2017, 2:39 pm

Meet your date in a public place with other people around, carry mace just in case things go bad, have fun.



TheSpectrum
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20 Nov 2017, 3:04 pm

I hope you enjoy yourself, but you need to avoid bragging to someone who you know will be hurt by such news.
It sounds like you wanted to make your Aspie friend jealous in order to validate that you aren't just being taken on a date by a desperate person and that you are desirable by at least a couple of people.

The above sounds a bit horrible but I don't really know what to gauge from this thread.

I wish you success in dating. WP needs some more success stories.
But I can't help be a little preachy because you knew what you were doing was a dick move and you decided to do it anyway.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Nov 2017, 3:08 pm

Do you really want to date the other guy or are you doing a mind game with the aspie guy - the one you like "an awful lot"?



angela8
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20 Nov 2017, 3:12 pm

TheSpectrum wrote:
I hope you enjoy yourself, but you need to avoid bragging to someone who you know will be hurt by such news.
It sounds like you wanted to make your Aspie friend jealous in order to validate that you aren't just being taken on a date by a desperate person and that you are desirable by at least a couple of people.

The above sounds a bit horrible but I don't really know what to gauge from this thread.

I wish you success in dating. WP needs some more success stories.
But I can't help be a little preachy because you knew what you were doing was a dick move and you decided to do it anyway.

I wasn't bragging. I wanted to know his opinion.


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angela8
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20 Nov 2017, 3:15 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Do you really want to date the other guy or are you doing a mind game with the aspie guy - the one you like "an awful lot"?

I wanted to have "a date" with the other guy. The Aspie guy doesn't want me. I didn't think he'd have a weird reaction because he told me he liked me as a friend. I asked. I think it's mean that you said that. I'm the one with the broken heart.


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TheSpectrum
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20 Nov 2017, 3:18 pm

Then I think you should try fixing it with this new guy. He sounds nice enough.

There is no need to pull the strings of the first guy who you asked the opinion from.


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The_Face_of_Boo
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20 Nov 2017, 3:25 pm

angela8 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Do you really want to date the other guy or are you doing a mind game with the aspie guy - the one you like "an awful lot"?

I wanted to have "a date" with the other guy. The Aspie guy doesn't want me. I didn't think he'd have a weird reaction because he told me he liked me as a friend. I asked. I think it's mean that you said that. I'm the one with the broken heart.


And how the readers were supposed to know that? You should have clarified the whole dilemma.



angela8
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20 Nov 2017, 3:32 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
angela8 wrote:
The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Do you really want to date the other guy or are you doing a mind game with the aspie guy - the one you like "an awful lot"?

I wanted to have "a date" with the other guy. The Aspie guy doesn't want me. I didn't think he'd have a weird reaction because he told me he liked me as a friend. I asked. I think it's mean that you said that. I'm the one with the broken heart.


And how the readers were supposed to know that? You should have clarified the whole dilemma.

True. I wrote it in passion and not with clarity.


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hale_bopp
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22 Nov 2017, 5:07 am

I just wouldn’t worry about it. If your aspie friend rejected you, I don’t see the problem of mentioning other men. Go on the date and enjoy it.

It doesn’t mean the aspie guy likes you. Maybe he genuinely thought he seemed like a serial killer.

Thinking yourself into a mind cafuffle about whether the aspie guy secretly likes you is pointless. It’s not worth the emotional energy. I wish I knew that sooner.



SilverStar
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22 Nov 2017, 7:26 pm

Edit: I read the OP's post wrong

So you are trying to make your Aspie friend jealous, to see if he is interested in you?

That being said, people will rarely admit when they are jealous. It's a negative, and embarrassing emotion.

Like I have said on other posts, it sounds like an honest conversation about each other's intentions is in order. If he isn't interested, then quit wasting your time with him, and go on the date with the other guy.



Last edited by SilverStar on 22 Nov 2017, 8:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

kraftiekortie
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22 Nov 2017, 7:42 pm

It's obvious that the other guy was jealous.



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23 Nov 2017, 1:29 am

One thing a lot of people don't take into account with friendships is that often your friends become much more distant when they get partners, or in the best-case scenario they prioritize their partners over you. He could be jealous about "losing" you, without having any romantic feelings attached. This sort of thing happens a lot with twins or really close friends; when one gets a partner and the other is left alone.



angela8
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25 Nov 2017, 11:47 am

Sabreclaw wrote:
One thing a lot of people don't take into account with friendships is that often your friends become much more distant when they get partners, or in the best-case scenario they prioritize their partners over you. He could be jealous about "losing" you, without having any romantic feelings attached. This sort of thing happens a lot with twins or really close friends; when one gets a partner and the other is left alone.

I definitely thought he was jealous in the sense you said, of losing my attention, closeness.


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ZachGoodwin
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25 Nov 2017, 12:31 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Maybe he genuinely thought he seemed like a serial killer.


I can confirm that is one of our problems.