Had enough of WP
09 Jan 2018, 5:10 pm
B19 wrote:
I too respect your contributions here. It may sound naive of me to say so, but the misogynistic posts probably aren't as personal to the targets as they seem; it's not about you, so much, as the nature of the beast:
http://time.com/3965630/men-attack-women-online-losers/
The misogyny on WP disheartens me overall. This is a support forum (WP) and even the embittered would
be offered genuine support here if they stopped projecting their hostility onto other members, put aside their bitter resentment and genuinely asked for help. Instead they displace and dump their rage on women in general and some female members who refuse to be intimidated by the abuse. I surmise that by doing this, they try to make themselves feel powerful transiently. But WP was never created for that type of embittered aggression to be inflicted on members.
Reddit had to change its rules because of a similar group of misogynistic members who made the place intolerable.
Most members seem to value their membership here, a small cadre abuse their posting privileges. In the future there may be changes. I wouldn't mind seeing L and D as a forum replaced by a forum on Human Relationships with specific rules and a screening process before posts are approved. Unless there are other better ways of achieving better outcomes.
http://time.com/3965630/men-attack-women-online-losers/
The misogyny on WP disheartens me overall. This is a support forum (WP) and even the embittered would
be offered genuine support here if they stopped projecting their hostility onto other members, put aside their bitter resentment and genuinely asked for help. Instead they displace and dump their rage on women in general and some female members who refuse to be intimidated by the abuse. I surmise that by doing this, they try to make themselves feel powerful transiently. But WP was never created for that type of embittered aggression to be inflicted on members.
Reddit had to change its rules because of a similar group of misogynistic members who made the place intolerable.
Most members seem to value their membership here, a small cadre abuse their posting privileges. In the future there may be changes. I wouldn't mind seeing L and D as a forum replaced by a forum on Human Relationships with specific rules and a screening process before posts are approved. Unless there are other better ways of achieving better outcomes.
Thanks B19. That actually sounds like a really good idea to remove L&D and the social skills subforum and have a Human Relationships subforum instead.
09 Jan 2018, 7:07 pm
I hope you feel better soon so you can get out and do the things that make you happy. Hey, maybe with some luck you will meet someone that will change your life, someone that will appreciate you for who you are.
_________________
“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell
09 Jan 2018, 7:14 pm
smudge wrote:
blackicmenace wrote:
I am a gamer, but I don't often play with others. I mostly just keep to myself in the real world and in games. People are often mean when they don't have to face that person face to face. I guess the internet has dehumanized us to an extent.
I think technology has dehumanized us. People on their phones and iPads in the same room and out and about, plus self-checkouts in shops so we interact far less. It’s not good.
I cannot disagree with this assessment, but if we are to change it may need to start with designing software and technologies that are not meant to be addictive. I just don't see that changing when keeping people engaged equates to larger profit margins.
_________________
“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.” ― Bertrand Russell
10 Jan 2018, 4:52 am
Unfortunately WP has a reputation for misogyny, though I don't think there are as many misogynists here as there used to be. However when I first discovered this website, when someone suggested I come here to connect with others such as myself, I found the hostile environment towards women to be quite a slap in the face. It's very upsetting to come in from a world that is hostile to you, into a world that is still hostile towards you, and really underscored the extent to which women on the spectrum are marginalized.
I don't often discuss my dating issues because I don't see them as anything that anyone other than myself can fix, if they can even be fixed at all. Part of the issue is, I'm not particularly girly, and most men are just not attracted to me, and the other part of the issue is, I'm not attracted to most men, and don't connect with them in a romantic way. This isn't for any deep, psychological reason. I believe it's just a manifestation of the fact that I have an autism spectrum disorder. I've had very few crushes in my life.
Additionally, I'm not really what most men would expect of a girlfriend or wife by virtue of having AS. I know I'm different and while it's unfortunate for me in many respects, and it does occasionally get me down....it does sometimes feel like living life on the sidelines and having "normal" things pass you buy, as others have noted, it's something I made peace with a long time ago. I cannot say whole heartedly that I would want to be NT because I like some of the qualities I have which are more common in those with AS, and I think the world would be a better place if more people had such qualities, but the the NT "birth rights" that I would like to have are just a few things on a list of other things I would like to have or be and never will (for example I would have loved to have been an Olympic athlete but my DNA had other plans), and that is just the lot I got in life.
But unlike a lot of the guys in the L&D forum, I don't blame the guys I would like to be my husband for not wanting to have are relationship with me. They have standards and that is ok because I also have standards. I would not want to be forced to date or have a relationship with someone who did not meet those standards and so I would not force such a thing on another person. I accept that I am an outlier in society and that I occupy a spot on the curve of natural human variation. I just happened to end up in the tail end of the curve. Oh well, that is life sometimes. In a world of natural variation, some people have to be different. That's fine. I just wish other people weren't such jerks to us sometimes.
10 Jan 2018, 1:46 pm
Chronos wrote:
Unfortunately WP has a reputation for misogyny, though I don't think there are as many misogynists here as there used to be. However when I first discovered this website, when someone suggested I come here to connect with others such as myself, I found the hostile environment towards women to be quite a slap in the face. It's very upsetting to come in from a world that is hostile to you, into a world that is still hostile towards you, and really underscored the extent to which women on the spectrum are marginalized.
I don't often discuss my dating issues because I don't see them as anything that anyone other than myself can fix, if they can even be fixed at all. Part of the issue is, I'm not particularly girly, and most men are just not attracted to me, and the other part of the issue is, I'm not attracted to most men, and don't connect with them in a romantic way. This isn't for any deep, psychological reason. I believe it's just a manifestation of the fact that I have an autism spectrum disorder. I've had very few crushes in my life.
Additionally, I'm not really what most men would expect of a girlfriend or wife by virtue of having AS. I know I'm different and while it's unfortunate for me in many respects, and it does occasionally get me down....it does sometimes feel like living life on the sidelines and having "normal" things pass you buy, as others have noted, it's something I made peace with a long time ago. I cannot say whole heartedly that I would want to be NT because I like some of the qualities I have which are more common in those with AS, and I think the world would be a better place if more people had such qualities, but the the NT "birth rights" that I would like to have are just a few things on a list of other things I would like to have or be and never will (for example I would have loved to have been an Olympic athlete but my DNA had other plans), and that is just the lot I got in life.
But unlike a lot of the guys in the L&D forum, I don't blame the guys I would like to be my husband for not wanting to have are relationship with me. They have standards and that is ok because I also have standards. I would not want to be forced to date or have a relationship with someone who did not meet those standards and so I would not force such a thing on another person. I accept that I am an outlier in society and that I occupy a spot on the curve of natural human variation. I just happened to end up in the tail end of the curve. Oh well, that is life sometimes. In a world of natural variation, some people have to be different. That's fine. I just wish other people weren't such jerks to us sometimes.
I don't often discuss my dating issues because I don't see them as anything that anyone other than myself can fix, if they can even be fixed at all. Part of the issue is, I'm not particularly girly, and most men are just not attracted to me, and the other part of the issue is, I'm not attracted to most men, and don't connect with them in a romantic way. This isn't for any deep, psychological reason. I believe it's just a manifestation of the fact that I have an autism spectrum disorder. I've had very few crushes in my life.
Additionally, I'm not really what most men would expect of a girlfriend or wife by virtue of having AS. I know I'm different and while it's unfortunate for me in many respects, and it does occasionally get me down....it does sometimes feel like living life on the sidelines and having "normal" things pass you buy, as others have noted, it's something I made peace with a long time ago. I cannot say whole heartedly that I would want to be NT because I like some of the qualities I have which are more common in those with AS, and I think the world would be a better place if more people had such qualities, but the the NT "birth rights" that I would like to have are just a few things on a list of other things I would like to have or be and never will (for example I would have loved to have been an Olympic athlete but my DNA had other plans), and that is just the lot I got in life.
But unlike a lot of the guys in the L&D forum, I don't blame the guys I would like to be my husband for not wanting to have are relationship with me. They have standards and that is ok because I also have standards. I would not want to be forced to date or have a relationship with someone who did not meet those standards and so I would not force such a thing on another person. I accept that I am an outlier in society and that I occupy a spot on the curve of natural human variation. I just happened to end up in the tail end of the curve. Oh well, that is life sometimes. In a world of natural variation, some people have to be different. That's fine. I just wish other people weren't such jerks to us sometimes.
I can relate to how you felt when you first visited this site, hostile is a good word. In L&D I believe a minority of loud male members use this site as their outlet, without any awareness of or consideration for other members, it's why I take long breaks in between occasional posts in that sub forum.
It's a shame there isn't anywhere on this site to discuss human relationships without being drowned out by the continuous organised narrative of a few boys shielding themselves from reality... at everyone else's cost.. I think it's just human nature, NT or not.
I think it's so wrong that women who represent their genuine thoughts so well through words are worn down into apathy or silence due to being outnumbered by the game playing organised continuously opposing voices.
12 Jan 2018, 4:53 pm
Chronos wrote:
I don't often discuss my dating issues because I don't see them as anything that anyone other than myself can fix, if they can even be fixed at all. Part of the issue is, I'm not particularly girly, and most men are just not attracted to me, and the other part of the issue is, I'm not attracted to most men, and don't connect with them in a romantic way. This isn't for any deep, psychological reason. I believe it's just a manifestation of the fact that I have an autism spectrum disorder. I've had very few crushes in my life.
I think that my biggest issue is autism. I have met a few men that I've been interested in over the years, so the "get out there and meet more people" advice seems pointless to me. I have been meeting people and I consistently f**k things up. Even when the guy is interested in me I can't behave like how I'm meant to in a way that shows interest.
In my late teens and early 20s I tried flat out asking guys out, but learned that if you have to ask it's because they're not interested in the first place.
It's irritating that men don't think that women with autism have communication issues. We're just meant to put a pretty photo on a dating profile and voila you get a boyfriend, you get a boyfriend and you get a boyfriend.
I don't tell my stories to look for a fix as such. I know that my communication issues are the great big problem for me. I don't think anyone here can help me sort that out... well mostly because they don't see that as the issue. I'm a woman therefore I must just be fussy. There are no communication issues apparently and I'm "lying".
I just want someone to relate to. It seems the single women I know in real life are content on their own and even though I can get by on my own, I bought a house on my own, I don't need a man for material reasons, I'm looking for an emotional connection... but I feel like the single women I know view me as a nut job to who actually wants to put some effort into meeting someone or they feel like I'm not being enough like them by either accepting their fate and sharing it with them or they feel that my assertiveness in still looking is a criticism of them.
And then my married friends (ex-friends because they can't work out what to do with me) don't understand either because things worked easily for them and they had no problem attracting someone.
I feel very alone.
12 Jan 2018, 5:40 pm
hurtloam wrote:
Chronos wrote:
I don't often discuss my dating issues because I don't see them as anything that anyone other than myself can fix, if they can even be fixed at all. Part of the issue is, I'm not particularly girly, and most men are just not attracted to me, and the other part of the issue is, I'm not attracted to most men, and don't connect with them in a romantic way. This isn't for any deep, psychological reason. I believe it's just a manifestation of the fact that I have an autism spectrum disorder. I've had very few crushes in my life.
I think that my biggest issue is autism. I have met a few men that I've been interested in over the years, so the "get out there and meet more people" advice seems pointless to me. I have been meeting people and I consistently f**k things up. Even when the guy is interested in me I can't behave like how I'm meant to in a way that shows interest.
In my late teens and early 20s I tried flat out asking guys out, but learned that if you have to ask it's because they're not interested in the first place.
It's irritating that men don't think that women with autism have communication issues. We're just meant to put a pretty photo on a dating profile and voila you get a boyfriend, you get a boyfriend and you get a boyfriend.
I don't tell my stories to look for a fix as such. I know that my communication issues are the great big problem for me. I don't think anyone here can help me sort that out... well mostly because they don't see that as the issue. I'm a woman therefore I must just be fussy. There are no communication issues apparently and I'm "lying".
I just want someone to relate to. It seems the single women I know in real life are content on their own and even though I can get by on my own, I bought a house on my own, I don't need a man for material reasons, I'm looking for an emotional connection... but I feel like the single women I know view me as a nut job to who actually wants to put some effort into meeting someone and they feel like I'm not being enough like them and either accepting their fate or like my assertiveness in still looking is a criticism of them.
And then my married friends (ex-friends because they can't work out what to do with me) don't understand either because things worked easily for them and they had no problem attracting someone.
I feel very alone.
I do ok on my own but ideally I would like to live with some type of family or a friend. Mr. Guy of my dreams would be nice but we haven't met yet and might never. Humans are inherently social beings so there is no shame in being lonely. Our western way of living is abnormally isolationist when compared to how people have lived throughout most of human history....in bands of family and extended family, often many in the same dwelling, and working alongside each other most of the time.
I've actually been rejected by most men I have asked out but I think had I not been, most would not find my lifestyle NT enough. I'm not unpleasant to be around but my household priorities tend to be different from most women and my livingroom is a messy (yet sufficiently organized) workshop. I don't think I have that feminine finess and if I were to write a screenplay about an attractive, perfect woman, she would be very different than myself. I understand the things men find attractive in women they want to have committed relationships with but don't naturally possess many of those things.
I did have a "boyfriend" once in middle school. He dumped me for the new girl which was fine because he stressed me and I had wanted to dump him. They eventually got married and I was happy for them and incredibly happy I was not married to him but there was still a little sadness at the idea that no man has ever wanted to marry me and waa serious about it. The closest I've ever had to a serious marriage proposal was a friend who would call me when he was drunk at 2am when he was in a fight with his girlfriend and tell me that us two should just get married because he thinks I would be easier to live with. Of course I never would agree to such a thing with anyone already in a relationship but I called his bluff and said let's have a serious talk about it and he back tracked and has not mentioned it since.
I know people do not believe it because I've made so much progress but socially I really was closer to the autism end of the spectrum through much of my childhood and teenage years. I don't think I am socially delayed in the "will never develop socially" sense. I am socially delayed in the "will get there a little later" sense. I did not have my first serious crush until my late 20s and didn't think I was capable of such things until that point so who know, perhaps I will be NT by the time I am in my 60s?
Too late to have a family but oh well.
13 Jan 2018, 2:57 am
hurtloam wrote:
Chronos wrote:
I don't often discuss my dating issues because I don't see them as anything that anyone other than myself can fix, if they can even be fixed at all. Part of the issue is, I'm not particularly girly, and most men are just not attracted to me, and the other part of the issue is, I'm not attracted to most men, and don't connect with them in a romantic way. This isn't for any deep, psychological reason. I believe it's just a manifestation of the fact that I have an autism spectrum disorder. I've had very few crushes in my life.
I think that my biggest issue is autism. I have met a few men that I've been interested in over the years, so the "get out there and meet more people" advice seems pointless to me. I have been meeting people and I consistently f**k things up. Even when the guy is interested in me I can't behave like how I'm meant to in a way that shows interest.
In my late teens and early 20s I tried flat out asking guys out, but learned that if you have to ask it's because they're not interested in the first place.
It's irritating that men don't think that women with autism have communication issues. We're just meant to put a pretty photo on a dating profile and voila you get a boyfriend, you get a boyfriend and you get a boyfriend.
I don't tell my stories to look for a fix as such. I know that my communication issues are the great big problem for me. I don't think anyone here can help me sort that out... well mostly because they don't see that as the issue. I'm a woman therefore I must just be fussy. There are no communication issues apparently and I'm "lying".
I just want someone to relate to. It seems the single women I know in real life are content on their own and even though I can get by on my own, I bought a house on my own, I don't need a man for material reasons, I'm looking for an emotional connection... but I feel like the single women I know view me as a nut job to who actually wants to put some effort into meeting someone or they feel like I'm not being enough like them by either accepting their fate and sharing it with them or they feel that my assertiveness in still looking is a criticism of them.
And then my married friends (ex-friends because they can't work out what to do with me) don't understand either because things worked easily for them and they had no problem attracting someone.
I feel very alone.
You are definitely not alone in how you feel. I related to all of that, strongly.
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