Custody Hearing Tomorrow - How do I look as NT as possible?

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I just had an epiphany after reading the plot summary of Changeling, as well as some other cases, such as this one: https://petitions.moveon.org/sign/free-cyntoia-brown that really the only way to get a happy ending is to find someone with power to be on our side, they could either be in the government (ideally Dutch government, but maybe someone else is good too, for making it clear to them this is making them look bad), or also a journalist or even a celebrity who retweets our story.

So, how do I find this person or people?

I saw that movie too. I agree that if you could get someone with power on your side, that would help a lot. That's why I had mentioned advocates, because advocates have power or know people who do. They're worth the effort. I also feel like as long as they're taking steps to increase your time with your son, there's more and more hope. You said they were doing that, or that they would be doing that soon. I can understand why you'd still be feeling rather hopeless through this long slog though.

If anyone knows of any advocacy organizations, either here or abroad, that can help, please let me know. The ones I've contacted would have helped me if my ex hit me, not if he emotionally abused me or let his father hit me. Sad thing is he's smeared me so much even child services thinks I abused him and his family, not the other way around.

^If I were doing a search, I'd type in the town or municipality and look for "disability advocacy," "legal advocacy family court," "mental health advocacy," "abuse survivor advocacy," "abuse victim advocacy," phrases like that. Sometimes when I search for stuff, I don't use the right phrase, so I thought I'd suggest phrases for you that I know would work in the U.S. I hope they work in the Netherlands and that they'd accommodate your need to put a lot of this in writing.

I'm limited in my ability to Google as Dutch isn't my first language, but I have contacted every organization others told me to contact, they all said no.

No to what?

Do you mean Dutch domestic-violence advocacy groups?

Yup. They don't look at it as abuse, as the closest my ex came to hitting me was taking his father's side when he hit me.

Fathers-in-law should count as domestic violence perpetrators.

They really should. The law doesn't believe me, as my ex's mother was in the room when it happened, and she told them I was making it up. It's really your word against theirs in that situation.

At the custody hearing, you have to come across as calm, cool, and collected. Dress on the conservative side. Have a plan for your son’s future.

If they allege abuse on your part, defend yourself, but don’t mention the abuse by your father-in-law, unless asked about it.

If possible, hire a Dutch lawyer.

I've finally got an awesome Dutch lawyer, though she's the 6th I've gone through in a year. The culture here seems very allergic to emotions compared to what I'm used to, so many of the lawyers assumed I was guilty as charged, and didn't even try to help me. Actually that's adding to the feeling of helplessness, that even with her on my side I still couldn't win the hearing. And it's how child services works, and I know for a fact this is the case in the US too, that judges decide the outcome in advance, and always decide on the side of child services. And they want to keep me in the system as long as possible, because of the money to be made from it. It's corrupt, and I can't win. And in this case, being foreign makes me an even easier target, so they're using my son and I to make money.

Let’s hope this time it works. Let’s hope this lawyer works much better than the other lawyers.

I have wondered if a US government organization or media outlet is willing to get involved if that would help put pressure on them. I've noticed Holland likes to present itself as being a progressive country, though in a lot of ways women here have it as bad as women in the South, where I'm from, and they have Zwarte Piet here. So anything that threatens that image could be useful, but still, it's like David fighting Goliath.

I guess you could give that a try.

I’m from NYC, by the way.

I would try American advocates for women first, or expat organizations who advocate for women first.