Custody Hearing Tomorrow - How do I look as NT as possible?

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Thanks for your support those of you who have responded on the nightmare custody battle I'm going through. Tomorrow, we have a hearing, like we have every 6 months, where they try to extend the time my son is away from me. This time I have an amazing lawyer, who I wish I would have found a year ago. Still though, the courts are so rigged against mothers, especially ones like me who are considered weird but are actually make the most harmless parents.

So it's a snowballs chance in hell, but I figure the more NT I look, the better my chances. I struggle with eye contact a lot, though I'm thinking from now on when I deal with child services, only wear the glasses that I actually only need for reading, but also helps to disguise any eye contact issues. Any other good tips?

Look at the area near the eye not directly into it.

I just want to say I hope things work out the best possible for you.

Just thinking, a long time ago I had a job interview for a blue collar job. There were probably 50 people before me and 50 after me. I imagine everyone seemed the same to the interviewer. When it was my turn, I politely answered all the questions the interviewer had and then he said "thats it", well call you bla bla bla. I then interrupted the interviewer and said that I am not like everyone else, I am not late and I don't miss days. I ended up getting hired, and 7 years later I was true to my word. My point is that, you may not get anywhere by following the lead of the court - try telling them you want and deserve more time with your son or whatever it is that you want - and be sure to give reasons.

Dress conservatively for the meeting, businesslike. it is all about getting the message over that you are grounded and an upstanding member of society. Wear smart shoes but not high heels - that one is probably obvious!

Jewelry and piercings would be best removed. Have your hair in a style that says "I'm a mature, sensible adult".

While you are speaking to the officials in the court make as much eye contact as you can manage and also while they are speaking to you. It will be painful but look at it as a gauntlet or endurance test that you are trying to pass. Something that might help is imagining everyone in the room is naked to make them seem less intimidating.

Good luck!

Try to keep yourself relaxed prior to the meeting. I know it will be hard but your yoga practise should come in handy. Concentrate on keeping your breathing slow, deep and calm. I like ratio breathing. I don't know if you know it. It's breathing in slowly while counting 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 then out slowly 1 & 2 & 3 & 4 & 5. I find having a mantra I can repeat in my head helps with 'super stress'. I like to tell myself 'You are stronger than you know.'
I shall be thinking of you and your son and wish you both all the very best.

If you were a dude I would tell you to keep your shirt tucked in.

Whatever the female equivalent of that is...do that.

There was a girl I used to know back in college when I took Journalism Arts and she had an interesting trick to work around her eye contact issues. She used to glance back and forth without moving her head and only moving her eyes and it made it look like she was simply pondering the next thing to say. I always thought that it took a great deal of concentration to do this but obviously she had Autism too and found a way to look at me when I spoke to her without maintaining a constant glaze like Autistics can't. She wasn't dodgy about it, but this might be a good work around for you during your custody hearing.

I also have very serious issues with eye contact and I try to maintain a good 2 to 3 second glance before looking away and simply look up above the person's head to give the appearance that I'm visualizing what I'm trying to say next. I have observed this behavior in NTs and it makes you look very thoughtful and intelligent.

Hope this helps! And good luck!

_________________
*** High Functioning Autism - Asperger's Syndrome ***

ADHD, OCD, and PTSD.

Keep calm and stim away.

Are you concerned about anything specific other than eye contact? Either way, it’s great you found that lawyer. I assume the lawyer can accept some of your communications in written English, unlike some of the other people you mentioned.

I've been wanting to say, I wish you luck with this. It sounds like a really difficult situation, and I hope things get better for you.
I would say, try to stay calm, and let your lawyer do their job.
An eye contact trick from my Sifu, in martial arts, you don't want to make eye contact. It's easy to get trapped in the opponents eyes, and become unable to see their body. So we focus on the center of their chest, or their third eye.
The third eye may get you close enough that it appears you're making eye contact.
Other than that, big hugs.

Thank you everyone! Are there any other points I need to remember besides eye contact to look as "normal" as possible? I don't have so much in the way of formal clothes, working in fitness I never need to look corporate for work.

I'm trying not to think about it. But I know regardless of the outcome I'm going to be as emotional as hell tomorrow. Everyone please think of my son and I at 1:30 pm Western Europe time (or 1 hour ahead of UK time, 6 hours ahead of east coast US time, 10 hours behind east coast Australia time, etc), we need all the good vibes we can get....

And we lost the hearing. Devastated doesn't even begin to describe it.

You were robbed.

My son was robbed even more than me. It's almost half his life I've been out of it. Their excuse, that bringing him back to me quickly would be too much for him. They certainly didn't take their sweet time separating him from me. My ex even said he's not sure if our son has autism, that it could be the trauma. Yes, trauma is definitely a factor, seeing how losing their mother is about the most traumatic thing that could happen to any child. Stupid people with that much power to play with people's lives are dangerous, period.

Is that really their reason? Then did they increase your visitation rights?

They said the rights should be increased, but that building it up too quickly would traumatize my son. Well what do they call taking him away as quickly as they did and keeping me out of his life for half his life?!?!?!?!?!?!?