Turning 30 and still don't have my life together

Post Reply New Topic

In other words....it ain't over yet

Brevity was never my strong suit, ha ha.

I don't believe you wrote too many words, actually.

There is use for decent quantities of text. Especially for Aspies who want "every side of everything."

I believe what you said means more than "it ain't over yet"---but I sense that people, sometimes, need something expressed "in a nutshell."

It's more of a confirmation of what you said----than any criticism of the length of what you wrote.

If it helps at all, I know a bunch of neurotypicals in their 30s who's in the same place as you.

I often wish that I had waited much longer before moving out. I was way too unprepared.

I came down with something over the weekend and I am only now feeling better from it.

Marknis wrote:

I am turning 30 in August of the coming year and I still don't have my life together at all. I am still working a part time job, I don't have a college degree of any sorts. I have a shrinking friendship network, I still live with my mother, and my father owns the car I drive. I feel like my 20's were wasted when they should've been my best years but no matter what I did, life did not go the way I wanted it to go.

Maybe try not to think so much about it, and do something that actually does turn your adult life around for the better.
At least there is some work for you where you live, and being anxious and complaining about it all the time, won't lend you a firm hand in the future. Sounds like its going to happen eventually, so stop putting it off? I'm going to be there before you anyway, and there are always obstacles around me, I either let it play it course, or get to grips with something else completely. Sometimes life feels as if you're taking a backwards step when everyone else around you is doing fine, but unless you've got something to worry about, I wouldn't create another side dilemma for yourself. Delve into nostalgia if you have to, but there's no remedy like the present.

If you don't place an expectation on yourself---like "I MUST get a girlfriend!! !"----you'll probably do decently in your 30's.

For many people, things start to "make sense." In general, the 30's tend to be better for people than the 20's.

But how can I keep myself from feeling obsolete? I keep having these ideas that I am a malfunctioning machine that needs to be destroyed.

Is there any way that you can do volunteer work to help out the needy?

Hi, kraftiekortie. Don't worry, I didn't take your comment as a criticism. I think it's kind of funny, and impressive when someone can sum up what I said very briefly. I think I'm one of those people who like examine a lot of details, like you said. But I like how succinct you can be. Both styles have value to me!

Hello, Marknis! I'm glad you're on your way to recovering from feeling sick.

I posted in your other thread titled something like, 'is it normal to be depressed for 30 years?' That's how I know you!

I can see why you're feeling down if the whole year is almost over, and you didn't meet a goal. But you can't control other people, and you've only asked a few girls, so go easy on yourself . . . and think about making a new goal. Maybe something like, "this year I asked out five ladies (three of whom were already in relationships), next year I'll try for ten" or, "this year I tried asking people out in person, next year I'll join one of those dating sites too, to see if I get better results from ladies who I already know are looking for love".

I also get very discouraged when I've tried social interaction, and I'm rejected. Did you know that there's new understanding about how rejection affects the brain and emotions?

http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/04/rejection.aspx

So, what you're feeling is really completely normal, and might be related to survival, in terms of evolution, which is why it is such a strong feeling. (I know that knowing that doesn't make it hurt less!)

I understand how seeing your siblings get married could make you feel like you're doing something wrong. But on the other hand, you are most closely genetically similar to siblings than anyone else in the world. So maybe you could take heart, find inspiration in that, and say to yourself that if people didn't find your siblings too "gross" to marry, then you probably aren't too "gross" to marry, either.

I don't know you, but I kind of doubt that you're gross! I think that's your sadness talking. Hang in there with the relationships, and try to work on what you can in the meantime. I know that depression makes it hard to motivate. And it can make it hard to look on the bright side. Lately I'm trying to mention in some way if something positive happens around me, instead of always dwelling on the negative. Like, we got good service at a restaurant recently, and I always complain about restaurant service. So this time, I made the effort to write to the restaurant, and tell the manager how good the service was.

I don't think it changed my life, ha ha. But maybe looking for the little positives will help to remind me that it's not all bad. Maybe something like that would help ease your depression - starting a journal of positive experiences, or something. You could even mention little things, like "it was sunny today, and I like the sunshine".

That's just an idea, because I know how chronic depression can make everything in the world seem unhappy.

As an example, one day I sort of described this whole negative conversation I had with someone to someone else, and how upsetting it was to me. After talking about it for an hour or so, I realized, and had to mention, that on the same day (or maybe the day before, I forget) I had a positive conversation with someone, and I didn't go on about that for an hour. So I tend to focus on the negative, and I know that, and have to work on it. And that's not at all easy when you're depressed! It feels entirely unnatural to do that, and it's work. But it might help, so I'm trying it.

I don't know if that sounds dumb, but maybe it's an idea you'd try.

Anyway, feel better soon.

I believe you should continue to pursue your special interests.

I believe you're a college graduate---maybe go for a Master's in something? Or at least take some sort of course?

And I would make my way to Austin, somehow. Austin is NOT the Vile Belt!