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XFilesGeek
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15 Dec 2017, 5:17 pm

^ She didn't say not being harassed was a bad thing, she was just wondering why she's never felt harassed if it's supposedly such a common thing.


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Closet Genious
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15 Dec 2017, 5:19 pm

XFilesGeek wrote:
^ She didn't say not being harassed was a bad thing, she was just wondering why she's never felt harassed if it's supposedly such a common thing.


I thought she was implying something else, my mistake. :)



XFilesGeek
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15 Dec 2017, 5:24 pm

Closet Genious wrote:
XFilesGeek wrote:
^ She didn't say not being harassed was a bad thing, she was just wondering why she's never felt harassed if it's supposedly such a common thing.


I thought she was implying something else, my mistake. :)


No problem.

Misunderstandings are pretty common in an autistic forum.

:D


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kraftiekortie
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15 Dec 2017, 8:16 pm

I just think she got lucky, somehow.

I'm glad she's never been harassed. Nobody deserves to be harassed.



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16 Dec 2017, 2:24 am

I've experienced very little harrassment in my life. I think that partly has to do with flat affect, eccentric clothes, and the fact that I'm quite tall and broad-shouldered. Small women get pushed around quite a lot more. I had a friend with another, more visible disability, who was pretty and had a flirty demeanor without meaning to. The amount of attention she got, nice and not-so-nice, was mindboggling. Men created rumors about her that just weren't true. She was not sleeping with anyone, yet some guy told me he and all his friends thought she was sleeping around. That was scary. He was so certain!

At the time it was rather horrific to be silent witness to all the flirting, but with age I've come to realize that not all of that attention was respectful. What is so scary about it is that although I was the wallflower and she was the centre of attention, we weren't having such a good time any of us.

Other people's experiences can be so different from your own. There are a lot of autistic women with really horrendous stories. I think looking feminine and/or childish makes it more likely that guys will try something. Mainly because they think they can get away with it.

Inequality is the driver behind a lot of this behavior; a lot of the time it's not about sex, but about using sex to bully people. Bullying is bullying.


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16 Dec 2017, 5:53 am

kdm1984 wrote:
This is why I find it especially surprising that CG is whining when he's an atheist. He not only incorrectly assumed I was some raging feminist, but he thinks his peculiar worldview -- atheism and anti-feminism -- is somehow coherent. Actually, most liberal atheists are the raging feminists, not conservative Christians. Because of the collapse of Judeo-Christian foundations, we now have rampant harassment claims in the West. It's HIS worldview that is the cause for all the women problems he sulked about here, not mine. My worldview understands women's proper role and place in the world, as God commanded it.


Um, why would atheism and ant-feminism not be coherent? They don't contradict each other in any way. Feminism is no logical consequence of there being no God.
I'm female, atheist and not a feminist because feminism is an ideology and some of them are quite extreme in their views and some of these extreme views are not based on reality. I am for equality though, I just think nowadays some feminists no longer know what equality is. I don't like extreme religious views on gender roles either though.



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16 Dec 2017, 5:56 am

magz wrote:
Maybe you just didn't think of this as a harassment or a big deal anyway?
Like, if a guy started talking some sexist bs to me, I just thought "you are an idiot", walked away and forgot. The life is too interesting to nurture feeling harmed by some idiot and no social movement ever would remove idiots from the society.

I'm not talking about serious stuff like rapes but silly sexist talk can easily bounce off your skin if you let your skin grow naturally thick. So you don't even notice.


Different people definitely experience different things as harassment. If someone ask me if I ever was harassed, I'd spontaneously say no, but my sister would have been absolutely furious about some of the things that happened if they happened to her. She also frequently feels harassed for things that are similar.



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18 Dec 2017, 8:25 pm

I think it varies between women. Some places you go are super-nice, and others are just really trashy places. Some women seem more or less vulnerable, emotionally open, shy, outgoing, or anything else that might impact whether or not they attract negative attention.



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19 Dec 2017, 1:11 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I just think she got lucky, somehow.

I'm glad she's never been harassed. Nobody deserves to be harassed.


This. Just because it hasn't been experienced personally doesn't mean others are exaggerating. It's not about attractiveness, but being in a powerless position that someone took advantage of.



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19 Dec 2017, 2:18 pm

I often hear how hard it is to be a woman. You often have to consciously think about how you dress or look and watch your body language so you aren't sending mixed signals to guys. I also hear how you get often get bombered with messages from creepy guys.

Honestly I have a hard time believing any of this and think it's all exaggerated. Yes I have gotten creepy messages but they do not happen all the time. I just ignore them and not let it get to me and make a big deal about it. I have had men honk at me or shout out car windows at me while I would be out running but you know what, I think some people are just immature and ignore them. Lot of people do not do this. These women who complain and whine about it I think are taking it way too seriously and blowing it out of porpotion and exaggerating because they act like it happens all the time. Just ignore them, it's not hard. So what if a guy shouts or hoots when I pass by. I ignore it. Not every single person does this and it might only happen once a day and then another two weeks goes by when another person does something else immature. Is this what women complain about? I just shake my head at that and think "whiners."

Unless a guy is following after me and trying to pressure me to have sex or go out with him and taking no for an answer, then I will complain and make a big deal about it online but not act like this happens all the time. I still don't relate to other women when they talk about this stuff. But I have never got any other attention except for when I was out running because I was wearing a tank top and workout shorts and those showed off my figure. Other clothes I wear cover my figure. I am not someone who likes to expose their body and I don't understand that logic women have to dress that way and not want any attention. They say they want to dress the way they like without getting any attention or "harassment." I wonder what they mean by harassment, a guy looking at them or smiling? A man saying they look nice or good? Or just immaturity like yelling out the car window or honking at them? To me that isn't even harassment. Harassment is just someone who does it over and over and won't leave you alone after you have told them to. Doing it once is not harassment. Also do they call it harassment if some random dude starts talking to you and asking about yourself and where you live and how often you run, etc? To me that is not harassment. I would wonder if these are the sort of people that call it harassment if someone sends them a random PM about something or if a stranger starts doing small talk with them. Anyone that calls harmless behavior harassment I just ignore them because if they think that little thing was harassment, I am going to wonder what else do they consider harassment, I wouldn't want to be around those people if they are easily uncomfortable. For I know, me shooting them a PM just to ask them a question about something might be harassment.

If you have never been sexually assaulted or raped, you're lucky. I have never gotten raped either. I am sure it has happened to lot of women at least once in their life time. As a woman, I like to experiment sometimes so I will wear something to show off my body just to see what attention I get and then wear my regular clothes again to see the difference. It's just a little fun. I am sure there are women out there who do this too and those are the ones who will not be complaining and whining "harassment" or immature behavior. I don't mean like rape or sexual assault or being followed or stalked or threatened because those are terrible and no one deserves that. I am not downplaying that.


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magz
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19 Dec 2017, 3:01 pm

The expiriences differ. I know at least two other women about my age who have been raped but I'm lucky not to have this in my CV.

There are mainly two unpleasant sex-related expiriences that repeatedly occur to me but I never thought of them as "harassement":
1. Unwanted attention. Mainly dudes who mistake my friendliness with interest in something more. I learned to tell them clearly and plainly of their mistake. If it doesn't help, I stop being friendly. If it doesn't help, I start being positively nasty. I really sympathize with guys and don't want them to waste their time on false hopes.
2. Sexist talk. Mostly elderly guys who seem to think a woman like me is something against the order of the world of something. Mainly ingored, in one case (at work) I threatened the guy to report his misbehavior to his superiors. It helped and I didn't do it but he got fired soon anyway.
I don't feel harassed but I think my ability to defend myself is a significant factor here.


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20 Dec 2017, 8:54 pm

This is an odd post and, if I let it, or gave it the importance, the absurdity could infuriate me.

You have not experienced a certain reality which, while thankfully not a reality for you, has been a reality for others. To read others’ claims as ‘exaggerations’ sounds foolishly arrogant to put it mildly.


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23 Dec 2017, 1:50 am

kdm1984 wrote:
Why?

These stories are plastered everywhere now.

If I believed the media and our general cultural milieu, apparently every woman is allegedly harassed at some point in life, and I should be out there shouting my story from the mountaintops with Twitter hashtags or something.

But somehow, some way, I've never been harassed despite living 33 years on the planet. Not even in the loosely defined way that term, 'harassment,' is used now.

So not only no rapes, but also no cat-calls, no butt-grabs, not even any unwelcome flirtation that I can recall.

I may not be pretty or beautiful in the conventional sense, and some guys have made fun of my looks in the past, but I've also never been overweight, I practice good hygiene, and I do get out in the world (though perhaps less than most), and I've worked different jobs, so it's not like I've been a nun in a cave or something.

Just don't know what to make of this.

Not sure what vibe I give off that apparently no other woman on the planet does, a magical vibe that apparently manages to keep all men at bay.


Most of the sexual harassment I've been subjected to has happened in the city. I think maybe because there are more people, more people of low moral character, and more anonymity. In my home town, if a guy sexually harassed a girl, word would get around that he was a weirdo. The son of a lady in my grandmother's building exposed himself to an old lady who lived there and it wasn't long before the whole town found out and he was too embarrassed to show his face in public (as he should be).



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10 Jan 2018, 2:24 pm

I haven't been harassed much. I don't count cat calls as harassment, to be honest. Creepy messages aren't really harassment if you're on a dating site. Being stared at on the street I don't really care about if people leave me alone. Real harassment cases for me, thinking back, maybe 5 or 6 at the most. I consider harassment as something that makes me extremely uncomfortable or threatened.

Maybe I'm forgetting? When I was younger walking home from night clubs, drunk men used to talk to me on the street and scare me. But I just don't remember it.

I've only been harassed once in the past few years, by a guy at work who treated me like a potential girlfriend, which was creepy. Before that I've never once had to complain to a boss about feeling uncomfortable.

A guy hit on me while wanking in the street but I just thought it was funny.

That's not including the creep from here who sends me rape and death threats on a regular basis for the past 10 years. I don't really care about that, I just ignore his messages. You have to expect internet people will be like that.



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10 Jan 2018, 8:54 pm

hale_bopp please report whoever is threatening you, to those that can take action against that uncivilized criminal behavior! You don't have to accept that mistreatment!


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11 Jan 2018, 12:09 am

blackicmenace wrote:
hale_bopp please report whoever is threatening you, to those that can take action against that uncivilized criminal behavior! You don't have to accept that mistreatment!


He’s an actual raving lunatic/psychopath with restraining orders against him.

He would PM women from here hitting on them and hurl abuse at them when he found out they were married or dating. The police won’t do anything unless he turns up at my door. I think he might have moved away from my area now, so it’s unlikely going to be an issue. You can’t reason with crazy people. You have to just leave it.