Finding out you're autistic as an adult

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I've spent my entire adult life wondering "what's wrong with me." I want to understand and be able to relate it to people so they understand me. I lost the love of my life because I had driven her to her breaking point and I truly had no idea. She is on the spectrum, I'm undiagnosed, she thought I was Gaslighting her. Since I started finding out about my own diagnosis my behaviors are standard Aspie male. I only hope I can get the opportunity to prove it to her that my Love was real. A real diagnosis would go a long way to that end.

I didn't "know" I had AS before the assessment, I had just been going to a therapist ostensibly for my depression but knowing "something" was wrong but not being able to put a finger on it (still think it's slightly more complex than just AS though). It was they who suggested and referred me for diagnosis.

I returned from the assessment by train in a bit of a daze. I didn't really know how to process someone else confirming there actually was a a label for some of my problems, and it was rather more obvious to them than I had expected. It has kind of helped by knowing there is a real cause for my issues.

My mother attended the assessment so she knew as much as me. I don't get on with any of my family but she has been nicer to me since finding out. I think she feels a bit guilty for treating me like crap in the past for various reasons. I told my dad but he doesn't get it. In hindsight I shouldn't have bothered, don't talk to him much anyway.

I told the only person who has been a close friend, but then I'm pretty sure his partner is almost certainly a grade A 100% stereotypical aspie anyway, ha.

As for anyone else I don't bother telling, people do not understand. If I need to say anything I'll probably phrase it the same way as magz, just discuss the specific symptom.

I just got back from hanging out with one of my best and only friends. I told him the results of my therapy, that I am of the broad autism phenotype, and sort of explained some of it to him. He was very kind about it. It went much better than telling my parents and I'm extremely grateful to have him as a friend. Also when I was telling him about the traits that I have, he admitted that he feels like he has many of those traits as well, although he is very adverse to labels and I could tell he sort of didn't like that I would label myself.. perhaps felt somewhat threatened at the notion that he could be on the spectrum as well? Oh well, we can agree to disagree on that. Recognizing that I am on the spectrum already is allowing me a significant amount of clarity on why I am the way I am.

I discovered I was autistic while I was studying psychology (counselling) online, and being ahead in the material I started reading various other psychology related topics. It was the picture which caught my attention. It was of a boy sitting in the middle of an empty room with the door closed. I could relate to it on a number of levels. The heading was "Autism" but my mum wouldn't hear of it simply saying her usual, "There's nothing wrong with you!"

I ended up seeking out a psychiatrist who could determine whether I had it or not. I felt I did because after looking at an online list of symptoms which had no logical connection (seemingly) and all of which I suffered from, I had to be sure. I was diagnosed after 4 sessions. There was some homework to do, and some tests and such. It was only painful on my wallet, as I had to fork out $125 for the first two sessions, and then $135 for the next two (as the prices had gone up).

I was relieved to get my diagnosis because it meant I was actually right about myself, when all my life I have been discouraged from questioning myself in such ways, and because it meant there was an identifiable cause to my behaviours and the like over the years. My only pleasure from having Asperger's is that I have hyperfocus. My relief was eventually replaced by disdain for my condition - as I would continuously identify what makes me aspie throughout my day to day living.

Then came the suicidal depression and crippling mental illness. My feelings about being aspie led me to feel inadequate amongst my peers. I've considered myself a people person in a past time of my life when I lived in one place for a prolonged period of time, and had in fact quite a large social network, and I was happy with my passions of skateboarding. Injuries I've incurred over the years now prevent me from enjoying that past time anymore. This was another source of my depression. I've improved recently, however I'm still not sure that I've gone through all the stages of coping with regard to having Asperger's.

My recent improvements began with setting small goals to accomplish every day, and actually doing them. The small achievements eventually gave way to larger ones and those everyday tasks which I once set as goals to be achieved are now undertaken without needing to push myself. I no longer stay in bed throughout the day, because my cousin told me that "you're just going to have to push through this part of your life." I took his advice on board and started refraining from sleep during the day, and recently applied for a place in a TAFE course in writing and editing which I've been given an offer for but am waiting on a reply from la trobe on a Diploma in English.

My attitude and general mood have improved somewhat since my life habits have become better. I'm still unsure how to disclose my diagnosis, however, as I'm almost just deciding by feel more than anything and hope for the best outcome - to be treated as an equal.

I got officially diagnosed at 19, while in college. So, I was technically a teenager but technically an adult. I had no trouble telling people at all. Everybody close to me always has known I'm quirky and "different", and when educated about the diagnosis, it wasn't hard for them to see! With me, an official diagnosis was more of a way to have a reason to explain all of the things I did.

Diagnosed at 43 (now 46). Knew I had Aspergers for about 5 years before that (I am quite a stereotypical Aspie, if there is such a thing). I find that now I have 'official' backing for my own diagnosis I stand my ground a lot more than I used to. I do not sit back and take the casual bullying I used to put up with (being described as 'mad' or 'weird' or 'creepy' by work colleagues, for example). I find I fight back a lot more, so the transition to diagnosed Aspie has been good in many ways. It also provides some element of legal protection in the UK, because it is actually illegal to discriminate against people with the diagnosis (we are legally 'disabled').

I do think Autism is a disability, I haven't been diagnosed but I am probably on the spectrum. I am also Physically disabled and I do think my social issues are far more disabling than my physical ones.

I only told family members, none of whom were surprised. The only other people it has occurred to me to tell have been doctors. Most MDs (even psychiatrists) have no idea about autism, and, in retrospect, I wouldn't have bothered telling them either. My diagnosis helped my wife a great deal, especially since our son was diagnosed 6 months after I was.

Hey, I'm intrigued by your mention of defending yourself on the basis of being autistic. Would you mind sharing some example conversations? Also, how do the conversations/arguments/fights end up resolving? Do you often get a satisfactory result, and if so how do you feel about referring to yourself with this sort of consideration? I think I need to know because I feel inferior to NT's. I'm on a disability pension for other mental illness which I become affected by from time to time but I'd love to have this pension on the basis of having an ASD! That would ensure that I could participate at my best in the public sphere without fearing the loss of my pension for becoming successful (obviously not expecting to receive it once I'm earning a certain amount); at the moment, I can be cut off for working full time without too much absenteeism for any period which exceeds one year, and that's scary because it would mean I couldn't afford to do what I like doing, or even to live and I don't think I can go back to work at the moment because I have "certain aversions" at the moment toward money and working for money, or for someone else. end rant.

I'm 42 now and I only found out about 4 months ago that I have high-functioning Autism and more specifically, Asperger's Syndrome.

For many years I used a strategy that the foremost expert on Asperger's Syndrome - Tony Attwood - called "arrogance and denial". My younger brother and I have suspected we were Autistic since we were around 8 or 9 years old but my parents never cared enough to get us evaluated even though we exhibited a huge number of Autistic traits. Both my younger brother and I used arrogance and denial to constantly shift our acceptance of our condition even though we both knew we had it.

We both have obsessive compulsive disorder so this only made acceptance far more difficult.

I've always known that something was wrong but I didn't think it was something as huge as Autism. For the past 25 years I've had more than 30 jobs and I managed to get fired 9 times, get suspended 3 times and I quit the rest to avoid getting fired because of the huge number of social difficulties that Autistics have. Workplace situations are difficult for me in the extreme. If routines are broken or I'm bullied or if too much socialization is required than the entire thing breaks down and hostilities ensue.

Being 6' 2" and 225 lbs and fairly fit most NTs see me as a threat anyways but as soon as my Autistic traits rear their ugly head then people's fear of me only multiplies. I've been drummed out of so many workplaces because of this it's not even funny and utterly excrutiating to go through again and again.

So, something had to give so I finally allowed myself to accept my Autistic situation and get help but after this realization I went through something like post traumatic stress and now I have to list PTSD as one of my many neuroses.

I haven't told my family or friends yet or even my workplace because I'm still trying to figure out this entire situation. I'm alienated from my family and I don't have friends so that has made things even more difficult.

My life has been nothing but one excruciating experience after another and I hope one day I can finally find some happiness.

Agreed, I don't find I'm scared of being physically ill or much concerned when I am. There are practical things you can do about most physical illnesses. The symptoms of being an Aspie on the other hand are continuously bothersome.

I got diagnosed in the first place after a colleague complained to my manager that I was 'talking to her too much' (always a pitfall for the Aspie trying to be sociable: what exactly is sociable enough?). According to the Manager, the lady in question was 'concerned' by this. He backed off after the diagnosis. I also once contradicted our Chief Executive's policy on an internal discussion forum and even he backed off after my Line Manager pointed out my diagnosis. I do regard it as a gross intrusion by my employer that I had to get the diagnosis, though. I was content to remain undiagnosed, not least because my Managers don't understand Autism, they just know they could get into trouble if they don't watch their behaviour around me.

I found out about the disorder at age 32, because my son was in the process of being diagnosed. The autism worker observed me and suggested that I may be on the spectrum, considering I have an uncle with the diagnosis. I disregarded their opinion until it gnawed away enough. The descriptions of the female adult and child aspergers was so acutely accurate, including many little things. All the little thing added up, like screaming when I had to get my hair washed, reacting to eating additives... like fast forwarding a film condensing every social faux pas to every dr. appointment, and sordid family skeleton.
For two weeks I felt like my insides had been vacuumed out. I had to reprocess my whole life under this new information. I felt relieved that there was finally an explanation. It’s been 6 years since then.

I'm two years post diagnosis now, and I am still having revelations and making connections constantly. Be careful not to overwhelm yourself by trying to take it all in at once!

My mother does not believe or is in denial of the formal diagnoses of my son, subsequently my daughter and myself. As for my father (both parents were divorced and remarried) I simply cleaned up my side of the street with a voicemail saying I love him, I know he did his best and how I turned out is not his fault. Before that I left him a voicemail saying that I have been formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, I had to divulge this on vm while I had the courage built up. He called back but I didn’t value his input so didn’t answer. It seems that when the root cause of the dysfunctional symptoms, an ASD, is revealed, the reaction is often (more) hostile.

Consider Spiderman.

Did he run off and tell everyone in the world? Hell no. He understood that one must take on the stresses of one's place in the universe along with the benefits. Ben was a wise man.