Finding out you're autistic as an adult

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My mother does not believe or is in denial of the formal diagnoses of my son, subsequently my daughter and myself. As for my father (both parents were divorced and remarried) I simply cleaned up my side of the street with a voicemail saying I love him, I know he did his best and how I turned out is not his fault. Before that I left him a voicemail saying that I have been formally diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, I had to divulge this on vm while I had the courage built up. He called back but I didn’t value his input so didn’t answer. It seems that when the root cause of the dysfunctional symptoms, an ASD, is revealed, the reaction is often (more) hostile.

Consider Spiderman.

Did he run off and tell everyone in the world? Hell no. He understood that one must take on the stresses of one's place in the universe along with the benefits. Ben was a wise man.

Could you give me some examples of how or what behaviour modifications/ accommodations/ exceptions they afford you? I've never been treated differently by my parents or given any special considerations (that I know of), so I'm a bit curious.

I was diagnosed with HFA in January 2005. I had no idea about autism beforehand. So I did my reading afterwards.

I'm still learning after all this time and it helps that all you excellent people are on here.

I found I'm on the spectrum when I was 24, after my brother told me that he found he's on the spectrum (at his 32 years old) and he thought it's the same thing with me (both of us are the same in most things, the only difference is the gender, obviously). It was like finding the missing piece of the puzzle that explained every confusing issue in my life, so I was excited and frustrated for not finding it before. I told my husband about this "discovering", he listened, but in some point he asked me if I wasn't imagining it or being hypochondriac about it. I thought he would understand cause he knows me for more than 10 years, but he didn't. At that moment I think he thought I was trying to get attention.

I didn't talk again about that with him, just with my brother and some friends that are on the spectrum too. I found my parents didn't take my brother seriously either when he told them, and it seems like it's a taboo issue to them.
On the other hand, that conversation with my husband made him notice some particularities about me and sometimes he makes comments about it, so it looks like he finally knows I was serious about having AS.

However, I don't want a formal diagnosis, as some of you, I don't want to be labeled. Knowing it brought light to me in someway, but a diagnosis would be only for everyone else to believe me, and I don't see the point since they won't fully understand.

So, from my experiences, I prefer not to be too open about having AS.

+1

For me the official label will have benefits in my country, so I'm happy to be officially diagnosed. I was diagnosed september this year, so I'm still learning about autism/asperger.

That's great! I'm not really sure if there are benefits in my country for those with an official diagnose (I doub it), all I can notice is that there's a lot of ignorance about ASDs even among health professionals (most of them have an stereotyped idea about autism and asperger). My son has AS and I'm passing through the process with him, and just rcently we were lucky to meet a well-informed doctor (after meeting many others who aren't). There are some institutions with good atenttion for people with ASDs, but those aren't exactly affordable options right now.

Maybe in a future I would look for the diagnosis too if it comes with benefits or if I decide to take an activist posture on the subjet here in my country.

I like this. A book on autism I'm reading says calling someone "high" or "low" functioning is like referring to a computer or a robot, and that we are all people on a spectrum of autism in various conditions.

I found out as an adult also, though I still look 14 (i'm 28). I haven't gotten a diagnosis yet but everything that happened to me/I did in my life adds up. Things like being mute as a child and my mom thinking I was deaf, me repeatedly touching an electrical thing and my mom hitting my hand to make me stop,in high school someone suggested I'm "like from a different planet". And I've always been different, more than shy, more like not knowing what to say and feeling embarrassed and anxious but not just anxious. I've also always loved math and can figure out problems I was never taught how to solve. And I play with my hands and stuff.

I told people at first, then quickly realized that people who aren't doing as well as I am don't want to hear about me having a disability. They treated me like I was just making an excuse for stuff I've done.

It has been a very gradual and controlled process.
I told one very close to me by way of a shared journal entry when I was forming some strong suspicions on the subject, to be told "I had suspected this of you for a while...."
They went n to give a report on my to the person who assessed me two years later.
Naturally, i told him of the outcome of the assessment.

I shared my suspicions with my longest standing friend from adulthood (27 years and counting) about a year after first forming suspicions. She too contributed observations to the assessment to good effect. Naturally, I shared the result of the diagnosis with her as well.

Other than that I have generally chosen not to disclose, but rather to draw up a set of rules or guidelines to where and I I would disclose. Workplace - at present no as I seem to wing it well enough to be 32 years and counting.
Biological family - no need, as I have been independent for the last 30 odd years and remain on good term. I do however see common traits etc suggesting we are all somewhere on or bordering the spectrum, so I tend to look for affirming things to say on the things I observe in us which are regarded as either strengths found on the spectrum or things we do well.

If there are significant changes in my job requirements which start to press on the weak points and pressure points of the profile then I would make a disclosure in confidence to ensure I had the protections of the Equality Act and matching parts of the organisations policies

Well, initially I was diagnosed as having classic autism at the age of 3;however, my mom dismissed the diagnosis and simply felt it was a phase I was going through and would simply snap out of it as I got older.
Later on when I was 31, I was diagnosed with Aspergers,this time though my mom could not dismiss the results and I've been trying to make up for all the things I missed out on in terms of educational & occupational opportunities etc.

I liked finding out. For a long time I thought I was just bad. Now, I think everyone screwed up by not noticing.

Based on your age, it's not a surprise that people didn't notice. Asperger's wasn't added to the DSM until DSM-4 in 1994; before that, you basically had classic autism or nothing. DSM-5 got rid of Asperger's again, but it was folded back into ASD, so people who would previously have been diagnosed with Asperger's are now usually diagnosed with ASD level 1.

In my case, I wasn't diagnosed until age 36, but it was noted when I was in grade 1 that I "have trouble seeing the trees for the forest". I'd say that's a pretty good indication that, had it been 10 years later, they would have been considering whether I had Asperger's. But it went undiagnosed, presumably because there was nothing to diagnose me with.

I was born in 94, and my brother was diagnosed in 98 or 99. For myself, not until this year. I get that most doctors still don't really know what to look for when it comes to autism in females, but still. I wonder all the time "How the hell didn't anyone see it sooner!?". Looking back at it, there were so many signs. All the complaints from my teachers should've been enough, especially the ones about me continuously hiding in lockers and sitting under the tables in class - until I was 19.
The first time I saw a psychiatrist, it took between five and ten minutes before she said "Have you ever considered that these problems are because of your Aspergers?" "What? No, I don't have Aspergers, that's my brother." "Well, you haven't looked me in the eye once, you haven't stopped rubbing your hands since you got in here, and every time I ask you about something factual you describe it with ease, but when asked about your feelings you struggle to say anything at all. You should probably have that checked out".
It only took ten minutes for an educated doctor to see what had been missed by every single grown-up in my life so far, and I had many.
So, I'm really thankful to be living in a time where the diagnosis even exists, and for finding out about it as soon as I did. After all, it could've been a lot later, or never. But most doctors and anyone working with children, still needs to get better educated.

Personally, I don't think it's that big of a deal. Yeah, I was a bit surprised by the diagnosis at first, but I shrugged it off after a little while. My life hasn't been turned upside down.

Well, I am not officially diagnosed but it's the explanation that makes sense. Researching aspergers has made me depressed and content. Depressed from realizing how better I could have been if I got help early on. But content because I can work on myself. There are days where I talk at work, but mostly the sounds of the machines drive me insane while watching others causally talk.