IEP nightmare

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Hello All,
I am so glad I found this site.

So, I am a widower as I may have mentioned. When my wife was alive she handled the IEP meetings because she was in the medical field and she worked weekends and some evenings so one of us was always home.

Fast forward 5 years. I have started to realize the school district I am in has been giving Andrew such a generic I.E.P. either because they don't really know how to teach him, don't want to put too much effort into teaching him or they know he is doing about the best he can.

I really don't know which it is, I think I have avoided digging too deep because I will be furious if I find out they just don't want to provide services.

I have started the paperwork for specialized testing, the least we can do is get a diagnosis that seems accurate and then work on some stuff at home.

If your son has an accurate diagnosis, then a disability advocate who attends the IEP can be very helpful in fine tuning what would benefit your son. Some teachers can be very resistant to a change in their methods, but there are people who can support you.

IEPs are a big pain and it is often very difficult to know what to include. It really depends on how much support your son needs. If he does not need much, it may be fine as is, but you will really need to talk to your son to see if he thinks he feels supported, what issues he has at school etc. At his age it may not be so easy to get good answers. He will probably not want anything that makes hims stick out even if he needs it. That may be a trade-off that makes sense, but you have to figure it out with him. At his age, he will probably want input and the school may even want him at the meeting. This may make sense, but you need to make sure you are both in agreement and on the same page so you are not advocating for different things. You don't want to push him either --- you want him to be sincerely on board.

OOPS,
I forgot about this thread all together.

He is already in an alternative school, he is labeled as behavioral disorder and so far I have not been able to get his school to recognize him as autism spectrum.

I am trying now to get the school to suggest a testing center they would recognize.

He was in a class setting that had him changing classes as regular school does but he couldn’t handle it and they wouldn’t make any accommodations and I completely dropped the ball. Now he is in a single teacher class again and seems to be doing better.

So I'm not crazy, my gut just about churns when I get around these people, I know and they know they are lying to me but they continue to spout the same garbage every time we meet. I hope I find a good advocate and or lawyer.

He is in an alternative school as a behavioral disorder and yes I would like to see if I can get him back in mainstream with the autism class.
His ABA therapist is suggesting a neuropsychological evaluation so I will get that done, well, my son will get that done, I’ll just provide ihop when it’s over. Then I will advocate or lawyer up if they think there is a fighting chance

I feel like a behavior disorder class is absolutely the worst possible placement for an ASD child. ASD children are easily over stimulated and while, yes, they can have behavior issues, those behavior issues have causes outside of the child's control. The best route to success is controlling the environment instead of the child.

I think my favorite provision in my son's IEPs was what I called an "escape clause." This is a provision where the child has permission to leave the classroom if feeling overwhelmed, and to go to a designated quiet and safe place. In elementary school that was the resource room. In middle school they preferred he go into the hallway outside his classroom. The main point being that he could change his environment before he reached the point of behaving inappropriately. It takes some teaching before the child can connect the dots well enough to use an escape clause, but they will never do that if it they aren't given options to use effective protocols at school.

Speech therapy (for pragmatic speech issues) was a life saver. Inability to communicate effectively is another cause for disruptive behavior.

I am so sorry to read about your wife. The loss must have been very, very difficult for both you and your child.

WOW, I see some similarities here. Our problem is my son was put in a special school, unfortunately there are 99% behavior disorder kids or misdiagnosed kids being treated as behavioral disorder kids. I am so ignorant of the IEP system that I have let the school tell me what he needs. I also failed to have him tested thoroughly and early. He could so use an escape clause in his IEP. I think I will request that Monday.

I hope the neuropsychological evaluation will help. I am so angry at the school that I am just about willing to spend every penny I have to get them to improve the system in Prince William County and Manassas.

It’s validating hearing a story close to ours so anything you can think of that may be helpful is greatly appreciated

I'm a Widower who lost my wife 6 years ago. I have a 9 year old boy who I worry may be autistic, but he gets good grades and is doing pretty well socially (so we'll see).

How is your son performing in school? Is he doing well, or is he having problems? Either way, it seems like your priority should be to get the correct ASD diagnosis for your son since that would certainly give you more leverage to correct issues with the IEP.

Sorry for your loss,

Well school is interesting, he is in the alternative school, they have him in 8th grade but he can't pass a test for a 6th grader or maybe even a 5th grader. He has a lot of frustration problems, honestly the school doesn't get in touch with me anymore with his behavior issues, I assume he is doing well but I really don't know. It appears to me when the fog cleared from my wife's death and I started asking more specific questions and accusing the school of falling way below my expectations of care for him they got eerily quiet which has gotten me a lot more frustrated.

Our ABA therapist also says the first thing we need to get done is a neuropsych eval, then I want to talk to an advocate, lawyer or both to see what should come next.

If your child is falling behind like that, and now your school has stopped communicating, I can guarantee you your concerns are valid. Your school is trying to quietly get your child through the system and be done with him. That doesn't make them "bad" people, it's just they focus on the well being of many children, not just yours.

I think you are on the right track with your plans. I hope you can get your son diagnosed in the near future. At this point, I'd even encourage you to pay out of pocket vs. insurance coverage if that somehow results in faster results. Once you have that in hand, you can at least have an initial visit with a lawyer who has a good reputation to see what they can offer you. Heck, even if the lawyer feels you can do things on your own, I'd be tempted to higher him/her to come in with me during a meeting with the school just to make a statement.

The good news is the school will only ignore you and let your son's education slide if you let them to. My prediction and you'll take the right steps to get your school to take the education of your son more seriously, and you'll improve the resources available for your son.

Losing your wife was a major blow, and it's hard to recover from. But I can tell you're a good dad, and you'll be as strong as you need to be for your son.