Board index › Coping in life › Social Skills and Making Friends

How to know when people mean what they say?

Page 1 of 2 [ 18 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

HistoryGal
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 16 Jan 2017
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,648
Location: Orlando

15 Jan 2018, 11:14 am

I got rid of people on Facebook when it was apparent they were friend collectors.



Tim_Tex
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Jul 2004
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 45,520
Location: Houston, Texas

22 Feb 2018, 3:17 am

hale_bopp wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
Is there a surefire way to know whether somebody is being truthful when they say something, or if they’re just trying to spare you your feelings?

For example, when someone says they’re busy, is there a way to determine if they really are busy, or if it’s just an excuse not to talk to someone?


If someone says they're busy it's usually an excuse, because anyone can make time for something that they want badly enough.


It hurts me a lot because, when done on FB, it makes me think that someone only added me as a FB friend so their number of friends would go up. In other words, I am just a number to them.


Unfortunately that’s the reality of social media. People don’t often connect with people they care about. People like to “collect people” to, like you said, boost their egos. Instead of “add friend”, it should say “Add to collection”. It’s not real. I deleted mine but added it back because I lost touch with everyone. Apart from work and family, it’s my window to the world. Which is pretty damn sad. 8O


What hurts the worst I that I get very emotionally attached to people, especially those I feel I connect with, and it totally devastates me when I am unfriended by those people for no reason known to me, or when they deactivate their social media accounts.


_________________
Who’s better at math than a robot? They’re made of math!

Now proficient in ChatGPT!


justRob
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

Joined: 21 Nov 2017
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 46
Location: CT

22 Feb 2018, 8:34 pm

Hmm, different cultures can be tricky. I imagine that in different cultures and contexts, "I like you" could mean any of the following, or more:
"You seem cool at first, I'd be interested in hanging out and getting to know you better"
"I'm a follower of social etiquette, and social etiquette requires me to tell you I like you on our first or second meeting, no matter what I really think"
"I want you to like me"

I suppose it could actually mean all of those things at once. And it could even mean something bad, but I wouldn't jump to that conclusion. People will probably cut you some more social slack at first if you're a foreigner, they expect you to be a little different (unless there is a culture prejudice against your particular ethnicity/culture in those parts...).

Do you have one person that you communicate well with, who is part of that culture? If so then tell them this is a funny thing you noticed, and get their take on it (take any advice with a grain of salt, of course, since people/NTs usually have only a basic grasp of their own culture and of communication... but getting a local's perspective is still the best place to start).

Or if you provide more context, where you are from and where you moved to, and how the interactions usually go, maybe someone here who is familiar with that specific culture could weigh in.