Too fat to date?

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There is no such thing as "too fat to date". A number of the heaviest people in the world have had partners. However if you are overweight it does decrease your chances of getting someone who has a nice physique.

Well, I have to say there is such a thing as too fat for me, last summer I was dating a really heavy girl and it was very hard to find her sexually attractive, I want to lose weight myself and I feel being around someone who just pigs out isn't going to support that. And before you say she could have medical condition, her fridge full of soda and snacks and bowl of candy suggested otherwise

Okay, so your question is less about whether weight holds you back in dating and more about whether people find you less attractive because of extra weight?

The short answer is yes, it does make you less 'desirable' to have problems with your weight, but that's an extreme generalisation.

The long answer is a collection of everything else that's written here. Some people care more than others, and people care about it for different reasons and to varying degrees when measured against other qualities in the potential partner.

The bigger issue is what you want in a partner. If you want to lose weight and have a healthy partner, I'm afraid that your best and most reasonable option is to lose weight and adopt the habits you wish to emulate, before searching for someone who embodies those traits. Healthy people attract healthy people

Meh
If you're cute you're cute. I find all kinds of people attractive some chubby, slim, athletic

But being healthy is way more important than being cute. You'll feel better too.

Well I am staying out of the dating game for now until I've reached that healthy weight, or at least till I observe that I'm starting to get more attention from women. Man boobs gotta go though, no girl can find those attractive

Over here it's mostly petite women with overweight or obese men. It's sort of regular, but people do look down when it's the woman the one that's overweight and way worse if she's obese.

Personally, I've never had a relationship. Half of the time I wanted one and going from crush to crush and the rest was spend between not wanting anyone (not even crushing or feeling interest towards anyone) at all or as you pointed out; I started analysing what I actually wanted in a man and if it ever worked out, what would I bring to that relationship and realised that I felt like I had nothing to bring. So I made some changes and started focusing more on myself. Fact is, it can get awfully lonely and it's annoying to see people going from partner to partner and not have a trouble at all, but at the same time I don't want anyone in my life whose not truly interested in me and I already make that a very difficult task. Add obesity to that plus being too uncomfortable to meet strangers in real life and well, I'm not surprised at all this is my scenario.

I just share this because at least in my case, obesity is not my only "con". For the longest time I thought this was the way everyone thought, but it was eye opening to realise that there are men who don't care about that at all or that are actually physically attracted to overweight and obese women.

Also, I think when people say "obesity" some immediately think of someone who can't walk at all. A doctor has told me I'm morbidly obese which sounds horrifying (the term morbid feels just so insulting) but I exercise three times a week, I eat healthy, I can move and jump It's just harder for me to shake the weight off and I'm already seeking ways to improve it but you know, naturally. I'm actually relieved that I do like exercising and been at it for a year now which is a sentence I'd never thought I say. Of course I should mention, I'm mainly doing this for myself, not to get a relationship (people do that and that is just wrong) I got tired of feeling tired or getting sick and feeling weak. Sure moving down on sizes is great, but my main joy is that I made a habit of it and one that I actually love.

This is how I feel about my ASD. I have it stuck in my head that people don't want to associate with me if I'm on the spectrum (I don't know how it is for other people with ASD), and obviously that reinforces my desire to be asocial at times, and feeds into some fairly deep-rooted social anxiety/fear of failure. I'm starting to realise that most people don't care as long as they enjoy spending time around you, you're fun/funny and kind, and make them feel good about themselves. The insecurity is the biggest thing that prevents me from having a more fulfilling social life because I constantly second guess whether anyone could actually like me because I'm "autistic", and I get scared of being seen/noticed by others as unusual, so I spend a lot of my time very self-conscious about whether I'm passing. I think this is probably very similar to anyone who struggles with their weight and worries about being seen in public

Truth is a lot of people have odd personalities or unusual social approaches, and a lot of people have physical flaws and extra weight. Yes, there are definitely some people who will judge you for things, but those people are afraid more than anything. Afraid to accept you because that would mean accepting what it would be like to have those flaws in common with you - if they're not okay with those flaws in themselves, they hold those same rules against you because you symbolise their fear/insecurity. Being confident and comfortable with who you are is such a powerful thing ... and yes, plenty of people will like and be attracted to you despite your weight or other flaws, or even because of them

TLDR; One of the main problems with extra weight is the insecurity it causes

But yeah, I see no problem losing weight for a relationship if that's what drives you forward. Nothing in life is constant, so hold on to whatever it is that gives you purpose even if it's fleeting

The part in bold: PREACH! I realised that in my twenties, I'm physically obvious so why try to hide that? I started wearing more colors and types of clothing I hadn't before and look right back at people in the same way that they would look at me. It was very liberating. As a kid (around 12 yo) there was one point in my life where I thought "well, if boys are not going to like me because I'm fat, then I don't want those boys around me. When I lose weight it'll be because I choose to for myself. That, or a doctor will make me." And I always remembered that. So I took it as a filter and lived a very chill life until I started asking myself, well... where are the other boys?? Then what I mention in the first sentence happened. When I got close to reaching 30 I started questioning what if for real, I ended up alone. I mean it happens. It was very worrying but at the same time I accepted it. Please don't take this as a pessimistic pov, it just happens and I think it's good to put myself in different scenarios to see how would I react for real. But if that happens, being fat it's only a percentage of that, and a mere one if that. I know now that's not the main reason at all. There is other stuff within my personality and not being in the right place (in my heart and actually geographically too).

I agree with most of what you said, but mainly would change the fear of rejection "for being autistic" to "for being me". I always considered myself too awkward with people so I always tried my best to hide that uncomfortableness. I basically go asocial when I face situations where sharing my personal or work life to socialice is needed. I don't enjoy speaking about that with people I don't know and feel too uncomfortable or shallow/empty by saying "fine and you?" So I avoid it sometimes. And well, that doesn't make it easy to meet new people. It's very interesting how insecurities from different sources can have very similar outcomes. I totally understand where you come from.

Btw I do think that any major life change someone decides to make, they have to make it for themselves to make it last and for it to be a healthy change. I understand some make them for the people they love (already love like a partner or your kids), but if you make a big life change to get or to keep something else (love interest, friends, social recognition, fame, money, etc) it's very likely that it won't happen or not in the way you thought and out of disillusion, would go down the same old road. Just a thought.

What about people who are on medications that cause weight gain? When I took depakote I gained weight. I'm not on it anymore but does that mean other people who do take it are too fat for dating and deserve ridicule?

For example, if a girl who is overweight due to medications who has no choice but to wear men's shirts and hoodies and size 28 jeans but works out at the gym for two hours every day and eats super healthy has no choice but to take the meds or else she has constant seizures does that make her unworthy? Does that mean a guy would rather her be skinny and have seizures all the time?

My first and only real girlfriend was chubby and she had to take meds but I didn't find her unattractive at all; I am overweight myself and I take depression medicine. My cousin's girlfriend is curvey and I feel envious of her and my cousin's relationship but she's nice to me so I don't get jealous. My father's current wife (Who he cheats on, btw) is a rail thin sunburned redneck zombie and I feel like puking whenever I see her. :p

Screw whoever thinks you are unworthy, Zeromancer. I am in your corner all the way.

I am in the same boat. 6ft(1.82m) and ~300lbs(136kg). I do not know my body fat content. However if i had to guess i would put myself at 25%, at least. I have a gut and moobs. I have since...maybe 14 years old. But i have had 2 relationships. and in both i never weighed less than 260lbs. What i have found is that it depends on your relationship with who you are asking out. If you are friends for a while first, then your odds go up dramatically.

I'll rather just lose the weight than lower my standards dramatically.

I won't date someone if their weight keeps them from doing activities and I have to take care of them and they are too big for most places.

I am married so that is irrelevant. My husband was fat when we met and he started to lose weight for me so I would be more attracted to him physically and he was able to go on some more rides after some weight loss and fit in my car better. His weight didn't keep him from walking and doing stuff but it made it hard to buy him clothes because lot of stuff didn't fit him you find in stores. He had to go to the big and tall section. But thanks to his weight loss, doctors took his feet problems more seriously and found out he had birth defects in them so that was the reason for the pain he is in all the time. He often can't eat because he always has an upset stomach due to pain so that helps keep the weight off.

Regarding moobs, I have bad news for you. Once you have them, you’re stuck with them. Surgery is your only real option.

I water faster for a few weeks and dropped from 185 lb to 148 lb. Previously I’d water wasted from 235 to 152. I’m currently in the 160’s. Not just anyone can do what I did, but a week or two here and there most likely won’t kill you. You’ll shed the fat quickly enough and you don’t have to expend much effort.

If you do that, you then have the task of keeping the weight off long-term because once you stop fasting, the fat will come flooding back. You have to boost your metabolism. Lift weights. Build muscle mass so you can increase resting metabolism. Alternate weight days with cardio. Go for endurance and long workouts. Cross-train and take one or two days a week to rest. You’ll be amazed what your body is capable of.

I’m about to have the exact opposite problem. I’m training for distance running. Just a half-marathon, but still, the training is intense for me. I run 7 miles a day on top of cardio machine and free weights workouts. After the holidays I was in the low 170s and struggled to break 165. I finally got below 165 this week and was thrilled. To refuel and recover, I eat a high carb energy bar (Clif, btw). At mealtimes I eat just about everything in sight. When your workouts have you burning 1500-2000 cal, you’re allowed. The afterburn and even just sleeping becomes part of the workout, not to mention all the adaptation your body goes through.

It takes a toll after a while. You go from being “cuddly” to thin, bony, and emaciated. Even if you’re perfectly healthy, you look like you’re on heroin. So unless you can find a woman who likes the junky look, you don’t really come out any better.

Point being is you can lose weight, work out, have surgery on the moobs, and so on. But as long as you lack balance in your emotional, mental, spiritual, AND physical life, you don’t end up any better. Find that balance within your lifestyle and everything else will pretty much take care of itself.

Sounds like you have the right attitude! If you lowered your standards just because you can't get anyone who does meet your actual standards you most likely wouldn't be happy and if the woman found out you'd probably just make her miserable, too.

I personally wouldn't date someone who is overweight or obese. I put in an insane amount of effort to lose over 100lbs and to keep it that way, so the excuses don't fly with me. Its much more attractive when a man is in good shape, and it assures me he will help instill healthy lifestyle habits in our children if our relationship goes that route.