Insight on social rituals and aggression toward autists

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XenoMind
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16 Jan 2018, 12:09 pm

Konrad Lorenz, "On Aggression". Written in 1963 (!)
I wish I have read this book couple decades ago.

------------------------------------
Human social behaviour is permeated by
cultural ritualization to a degree which we do not realize for the
very reason of its omnipresence. Indeed, in order to give
examples of human behaviour which, with certainty, can be
described as non-ritualized, we have to resort to patterns which
are not supposed to be performed in public at all, like uninhibi-
ted yawning and stretching, picking one’s nose or scratching in
unmentionable places. Everything that is called manners is, of
course, strictly determined by cultural ritualization. ‘Good’
manners are by definition those characteristic of one’s own
group and we conform to their requirements constantly; they
have become ‘second nature’ to us. We do not, as a rule, realize
either their function of inhibiting aggression or that of forming
a bond. Yet it is they that effect what sociologists call ‘group
cohesion’.
The function of manners in permanently producing an effect
of mutual conciliation between the members of a group can
easily be demonstrated by observing what happens in their
absence. I do not mean the effect produced by an active, gross
breach of manners, but by the mere absence of all the little polite
looks and gestures by which one person, for example on enter-
ing a room, takes cognizance of another’s presence. If a person
considers himself or herself offended by members of his group
and enters the room occupied by them without these little rit-
uals, just as if they were not there, this behaviour elicits anger
and hostility, just as overt aggressive behaviour does;
indeed
such intentional suppression of the normal appeasing rituals is
equivalent to overt aggressive behaviour.
Aggression elicited by any deviation from a group’s character-
istic manners and mannerisms forces all its members into a
strictly uniform observance of these norms of social behaviour.
The nonconformist is discriminated against as an ‘outsider’ and,
in primitive groups, for which school classes or small military
units serve as good examples, he is mobbed in the most cruel
manner.
------------------------------------



Dear_one
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16 Jan 2018, 3:09 pm

Good stuff. Usually, teasing is enough to enforce group norms, but for some people, those norms just make no sense, and they then seem like an alien species to the average insecure NT.



League_Girl
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16 Jan 2018, 3:26 pm

I noticed this since I was a kid. If you are different than others, you are picked on and shunned and treated different. Only way to survive it is to copy other people and do what you are told are manners and you know if you don't do them, you are judged and shunned and singled out and picked on. There is a saying, if everyone is an as*hole, you're the as*hole so that was probably why my mother started taking me to a therapist in 5th grade.

What is it like for a parent to find out their kid is often disliked and picked on as a result of it and being treated different? Do they wonder what is wrong with their child and what is their kid doing wrong so they decide on a therapist? I say that could be an eye opening for a diagnoses.


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HistoryGal
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16 Jan 2018, 4:49 pm

School kids are little a$$holes looking for an excuse to be mean.



XenoMind
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16 Jan 2018, 5:17 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
School kids are little a$$holes looking for an excuse to be mean.

Well... according to that book, it's even worse than that. :lol:



League_Girl
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16 Jan 2018, 5:42 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
School kids are little a$$holes looking for an excuse to be mean.



lol true, they also lack filters so that is why they say mean things and will let you know what they really think of you and tell you to go away and if they don't like you, they tell you. Adults are more subtle than that. They won't tell you what they think of you, they are not going to harass you or tell you they don't like you or tell you you are rude or mean or a jerk or that you stink or how bad you are of a person or much your wardrobe sucks.


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Son: Diagnosed w/anxiety and ADHD. Also academic delayed.

Daughter: NT, no diagnoses.


XenoMind
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16 Jan 2018, 5:48 pm

League_Girl wrote:
Adults are more subtle than that. They won't tell you what they think of you, they are not going to harass you or tell you they don't like you or tell you you are rude or mean or a jerk or that you stink or how bad you are of a person or much your wardrobe sucks.

They just stab you in the back when they have a good opportunity.



HistoryGal
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16 Jan 2018, 5:50 pm

Little a$$holes grow into adult a$$holes.



ladyelaine
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16 Jan 2018, 6:02 pm

League_Girl wrote:
HistoryGal wrote:
School kids are little a$$holes looking for an excuse to be mean.



lol true, they also lack filters so that is why they say mean things and will let you know what they really think of you and tell you to go away and if they don't like you, they tell you. Adults are more subtle than that. They won't tell you what they think of you, they are not going to harass you or tell you they don't like you or tell you you are rude or mean or a jerk or that you stink or how bad you are of a person or much your wardrobe sucks.


Parents can teach their kids how to treat each other with respect and be accepting of everyone, but they often don't. Parents don't care how their kids treat other kids as long as their kids are the popular kids in the class.



ladyelaine
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16 Jan 2018, 6:05 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
Little a$$holes grow into adult a$$holes.


Yes they do.



auntblabby
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19 Feb 2018, 3:08 pm

thank got for hermithood :alien: