Do you feel stupid when trying to socialize?

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whatamievendoing
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14 Feb 2018, 11:32 am

I wouldn't say I feel stupid trying to socialize, but I do relate to the fear of failure as far as social interaction is concerned. That's exactly why I try to socialize as much as I can - to overcome it.


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Summer_Twilight
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14 Feb 2018, 11:48 am

I have tried to socialize before and the problem is that I tend to be a magnet for introverts to don't talk much so I have tried to fill the void by talking. Then when I am not around, those people complain. So, I am always watching to see now if I dominate the conversation.



Canary
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14 Feb 2018, 1:24 pm

I feel clumsy. I don't feel like socializing itself is stupid... I do a lot of things I'm not that great at. Some of them I become good at.



LegoMaster2149
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15 Feb 2018, 1:21 pm

Hell yeah. I feel stupid whenever I can't talk to anybody. It also kinda pisses me off, and even makes me jealous of other people that can initiate conversations so easily.

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on February 15, 2018)



andyfzr
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15 Feb 2018, 6:35 pm

I still struggle with this even though I'm alot older now and you would think I would have got used to it. I can never tell if people are being serious or not and usually just pretend I know what they mean when really I have no clue. I always lose my jobs after a while as people just think I'm weird and stand offish. I have a big problem with eye contact and seem to give out all the wrong types of body language. My mouth says one thing and my face and body seem to say something else. If anything I think I get worse rather than better at socializing which makes making and especially keeping friendships hard.



blackicmenace
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15 Feb 2018, 6:36 pm

hurtloam wrote:
YES

I find it really difficult to find things to say. It's even difficult to keep saying things in response to what the other person is saying when they lead the conversation.

I'm so boring. Small talk is difficult.


Not once, have I thought you were boring. I wonder why it is that you think in this manner. I cannot speak for anyone else but myself, but I for one am always interested in what you have to say.


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vest9
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19 Feb 2018, 7:38 pm

Small talk I find hard especially if I sense the other person feels awkward too it just doubles up the awkwardness and I feel even more stiff. I find sometimes if I'm in a positive mood I can do quick interactions in the supermarket really easily and I feel confident communicating. But if I got stuck with no escape having to do small talk with a stranger I'd find it pure hell. great example the hairdressers last week. She did the usual have you got kids, going on holiday where do you work, all I thought was ahhh why is she so nosey I wanted to say I worked for NASA and had 40 kids. I was more interested in the strange clock on the wall I wanted to know about that, I didn't want to have to do small talk. To be honest I don't think anyone NTs included like small talk, to me it serves no purpose its like treading water for several hours and its exhausting!



lambdamoses
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19 Feb 2018, 11:39 pm

I'm not 100% sure that I'm an Aspie since I can't afford a formal diagnosis, but I'm happy to find that I'm not alone in having these concerns. Like often I don't know what to say and the conversation just dropped off when the person I'm talking to does not share my interests. Often I alone talk about things like genomics, programming, or science and religion (basically my special interests) with the person next to me (if I know that he or she is a scientist) while everybody else are talking about more casual things. Back in my undergrad years, I had 3 roommates (actually for quite a while, 4), 3 of whom were Christian life science majors just as I am, and one of them was an economics major and not religious. Then I talked to the 3 life science majors quite a lot, about our research, classes, and science and religion, while I almost never talked to the economics major because I had no idea what to talk about. I still feel so sorry for her after we graduated since she might have felt really alienated (I really never meant to alienate her), but I don't know what to do. Sometimes I attempt to have small talk with colleagues or after church service, but I just look and sound different from people around me (mainly my monotone voice and lack of gestures) and I don't know what to do; often the conversation becomes an interview and I'm usually the one answering questions. I went to my parents' house last summer, and my mom (who is the most social in my family) often said I behaved like a child in social situations, but I insisted that was not the case since I was 22 years old and about to go to graduate school. I still don't understand how I would have been childish. However, I don't always feel alienated or stupid in social situations since there are many people who are very patient and respectful and will talk to me however weird I may be. Most of my friends are nerds (at least all of my college and graduate school friends), but I do have some non-nerd friends from high school who appreciate my quirks and would listen to my monologues.



MathGirl
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20 Feb 2018, 10:01 am

TheSilentOne wrote:
Yes. Sometimes I wonder why I even try and why I never seem to learn from bad experiences.
Yup. I kind of gave up. It's not even that enjoyable. The only non-work or academics-related social things I do these days are participating in a neurodiversity group on campus, running my own ASD support group, and going to another ASD and an LD support group on occasion.


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Syd
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20 Feb 2018, 10:17 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
When I got older, though, I took the attitude of----I'm as viable a person as anybody else. So what if somebody laughs at me. So what if I make mistakes.


Exactly--I don't let others' opinions influence what I do. I wouldn't tell a slow reader to stop reading. I wouldn't tell a lousy singer to stop singing. When an ignorant jerk says something rude to a socially clumsy person, I just feel pity for the jerk more than anything else. It must be difficult to build meaningful friendships when you have such poor emotional intelligence.



hale_bopp
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20 Feb 2018, 2:22 pm

Yes. I see daily mess ups on tte social side of things.



mind_my_palace
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21 Feb 2018, 2:22 pm

Do 'you' feel stupid when trying to socialize with me? Another joke, no?
Why would you feel stupid?
Inadequate, OK. Embarrassed, perhaps. Seriously; it just sounds beyond idiocy.



jlhotard
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21 Feb 2018, 7:36 pm

I don't feel stupid, I just often feel frustrated. For example, I tried to comment on something somebody had the other day to make small talk, but the person just snorted, so obviously I wasn't doing something right.



MathGirl
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21 Feb 2018, 10:43 pm

jlhotard wrote:
I don't feel stupid, I just often feel frustrated. For example, I tried to comment on something somebody had the other day to make small talk, but the person just snorted, so obviously I wasn't doing something right.
Or maybe the person hates small talk, and picked up on how your attempt was unnatural (I assume), and got annoyed that you were forcing yourself to do this annoying thing.

Maybe this would not be common for NTs, but I tend to have that reaction to forced small talk (and can pick up on when it is forced). I hate small talk :evil:


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hale_bopp
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22 Feb 2018, 1:56 pm

Some people I feel like a real loser around. Guy at work is the complete opposite of me and I have to try and talk to him all the time. I clam up and come across as a clear freak. It sucks.