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Tibergrace
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17 Jan 2018, 1:02 am

Do you ever have really difficult therapy sessions that cause you to have a difficult time for days or more?

In my last therapy session (it was Monday) we went over something that we haven't covered yet. It's EMDR therapy, and my therapist basically was gathering information to prepare the actual EMDR session, which will be next session. So basically I spent the entire time trying to talk about a specific aspect of my abuse that has affected my life majorly. Since then I've felt very regressed in regards to my PTSD symptoms. I'm having them crop up more and interfere with life, I've become more withdrawn and untalkative, easier to get irritated, dissociating more, etc.

Coming up with imagery for her to work with was really difficult. It was difficult to get the imagery in the first place, and then whatever would come to me would be really distressing and triggering, violating even. It was imagery I really didn't want to think about and wanted to talk about out loud even less. I didn't want it to be the imagery that embodied the abuse.



bunnyb
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17 Jan 2018, 1:31 am

I'm sorry your having a hard time. I've been there and done that and it's no fun what so ever and I don't see it as helping to be honest.
A few weeks ago I started seeing a clinical hypnotherapist. I initially thought it would be rubbish but my psychologist was concerned because I was dissociating all the time and she felt I should try seeing this guy. OMG he's amazing. I felt BETTER after the session instead of worse which is usually the way I feel after therapy. People who know me have asked what's going on because I'm so different. I've been told I seem like a huge weight has been lifted and that's honestly how it feels. I'm not vibrating with anxiety or slipping into dissociation. I'm just calm. I can even see a future that I want to be in. It may not work for everyone and I'm sure getting a good practitioner is important, but it certainly works for me. I feel like this guy is saving my life so maybe you could consider looking into it.
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.


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Tibergrace
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17 Jan 2018, 7:40 pm

Thanks for the well wishings, and the suggestion. I'll keep it in mind and consider trying it out if I can find a good practitioner that will see me.

After talking with some other PTSD sufferers I think I've realized that, since it hasn't really been that long since my trauma ended, I probably am not ready for EMDR yet, or much of any delving into past traumatic events. I think my therapist didn't realize I wasn't quite ready yet. This is the first time we've actually delved into past events, and she wanted to start on what I felt was the most difficult aspect of it all. According to people I've spoken to, it seems more common to start with the small things and work up to the big ones, so I really think she doesn't realize how not-ready I am.

Honestly I am pretty good at appearing unaffected by things, both due to the aspergers and due to having to do that during my abuse. I also didn't even realize how not-ready I was until this last session - I think the problem is that I have not been actually delving into my past, but rather focusing mostly on the here and now, being distracted by it, etc. Now I see I totally am not ready to be diving into the trauma and trying to reprocess it.



AntisocialButterfly
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21 Jan 2018, 11:55 am

Therapy is often hard. It is worth saying to your therapist if it is all getting too much 'I am feeling very overwhelmed and I can't deal with this right now, can we try again in a bit, but talk about something lighter the next few sessions'. I had to do that once when everything got wayyyy too real and I was not coping in the slightest. It may also be worth discussing with her coping strategies for when therapy gets really intense.

Another great thing a therapist once said to me is 'We deal with this stuff here, however when you leave this room I want you to try and leave all that stuff here, don't spend your whole week thinking about it, but just deal with it in this room.' Obviously easier said than done, however just having someone give me permission to do that helped me leave it behind for a while and live my life more normally in between sessions.

That being said, you can't really escape difficult sessions and the ones that play on your mind all week. I find it best to come home, surround myself with safe things (blankets, a cup of tea, a book etc.) and just let yourself slowly transition into focusing on the present not the past. If the thoughts still won't leave, write it all down. I personally open up a google doc, close my eyes (I can touch type) and write down everything that goes through my head, regardless of if it makes sense or not. I may end up in tears, but often its cathartic and you end up feeling as though you can cope again. Sometimes I take the notes I write into therapy the next week and other times they just end up sitting in my google docs to read over later when I am having a hard time. If its something you struggle to say out loud I write it on paper and burn it (safely) as though almost symbolically letting it go :).

Okay went on for a bit there, but I have struggled so much with this stuff that I feel I should impart some information lol. I hope the next session goes okay!