Looking for a practical online video course

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Hi,

I'm 38, male, married, no kids and recently diagnosed with HFA. It's a relief to understand the source of so much friction between myself and my NT partner. It also explains a feeling I've had and expressed as "missing that day in class when they taught [X]" (making new friends, dating...). I sometimes wonder that I met someone at all, let alone got married.

Overall, I'm quite comfortable with myself, sometimes to the point of arrogance. You could say I think that everyone *else* is on the wrong planet This is part of what is driving my partner away. So my focus right now is to improve my social skills, especially at home.

I haven't found any specialists in my area. Has anyone come across a video series, ideally with practical exercises, for HFA adults?

So far nothing matches exactly what I want (a practical course), but in the meanwhile I've found:

* Videos tab here on Wrong Planet (some on-topic presentation-style videos)
* Love and Autism conference (strongly on topic but videos are presentation-style not courses)
* Autscape conference (has speaker notes from workshops and presentations - best practical resource so far but requires a lot of searching and interpretation)

I'll keep updating this list as I find better resources (and add links when I'm no longer a "new user"). Any suggestions for a practical, course-style video series still welcome and appreciated.

Hi Broddihare,

I think you have touched upon a very important subject here.

I found some very good videos on youtube because I could search for what I specifically wanted.
For example if I wanted to research self-esteem or relationship skills etc.

There are some books but if you are a visual learner, like me, then these videos can be quite valuable, as well as free.
I noticed there are a few guys on there who give some good tips for dating - some are not so good.

A good start is to learn sound listening skills or what they call active listening skills. This is the basics of learning social skills. We all have to start somewhere and being autistic means that some of us have to start again in a different way to interact with others.

Thanks for the advice. I'm not opposed to books, but I have previously struggled to apply self-help advice, and I was thinking a video series would make it clearer how body language is expressed. On the other hand, at the time I wasn't looking for books with HFA/Asperger's in mind, so if there's a "guide to life for HFAs" that might be a good read.

I guess if a series or book doesn't already exist, I could look for specific topics like you suggested. I'd feel better to at least work within a framework rather than deal with topics reactively (today we had a fight about the dishes, look up how to handle chores).

I'm continuing my own research, but any specific suggestions on video series (including paid), books or frameworks are welcome. I'll read up about active listening in the meanwhile!

The dishes fight probably could be understood better by looking up things like sharing responsibility, negotiation skills and assertiveness. Being able to understand both peoples needs certainly helps. Good communication skills start with listening which is why I suggested this.

If you can really hear and understand why your partner is getting upset then you can put your point across in a non-aggressive way and see if you can come to a compromise. Arguments happen when one or both persons are not listening to the other properly. It is hard at first because we are creatures of habit.

My mind works pretty fast so I have to slow myself down to respond to others in a calmer way or else I am at risk of reacting from emotion and throwing out words I cannot take back. Perhaps slowing yourself down in an emotionally heightened situation may help you to start off with, so you can at least have time to think about your next move.

Or if you are completely misreading the situation then I suggest clarification questions. By confirming with the other person if you have got their point of view right. "Are you saying.............or something else?" or "I am hearing you say......... is this right?" are just a couple of examples of how you can know how a person is thinking. We are not mind readers and these kinds of skills can help you to repair relationships and grow them.

Those are some great tips, thanks!

You are welcome.

You may find another thread useful on here. It is not obvious by the title what it is.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=102721&start=2400

I hope this helps.

Try this book:

Journal of Best Practices, written by an Aspie guy to save his marriage.