Are you less shy around other aspies?

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I was reading this article about shyness. I suffer from social anxiety, and I wonder if it is to some extent futile to attempt to be rid of it when interacting with neurotypicals:

(.)psychologytoday(.)com/articles/200001/shyness-the-new-solution

As we know, the inability to participate in small talk successfully can be a symptom of autism, and this might have more to do with a lessened ability to share local social culture with other people than it does with lack of practice, so some autistics are simply less able to do it.

I think autistics could be roughly sorted into three groups when it comes to social anxiety:

1. Those more severely autistic who do not necessarily have a lot of self-awareness and who may not have social anxiety because of that
2. Those who are only mildly autistic and who might learn acceptable social skills with NTs
3. Those in the middle who are self-aware enough to be "able" to become socially anxious but who may be neurologically unable to improve notably

I don't have a lot of experience with interacting with other autistics, so I'm wondering whether befriending them can be a solution? Some do report that they only feel anxious around NTs and not other aspies.

Well, none of my friends in the past have been strictly autistic and not all autistics will be compatible, but just wondering if it can make it easier when seeking new contacts.

Not really. I'm about the same with everyone - I talk whenever I get a chance. But I've noticed that other autistics seem to be more willing to befriend me.

In a sense, I have done a "double blind" scientific test of this on myself (albeit with a very small sample size!)

After I was diagnosed, only two years ago, I discovered that two friends who I have known for decades were also diagnosed, both less than two years before me. And since learning more about my condition, and talking to other friends about it, one other is now seeking a diagnosis.

Before then, as far as I was concerned, all of my friends were just a bunch of "people" who all had different personalities. None of us Aspies had suspected at all that the others had a "condition", let alone that we might have the same one, nor were we especially close compared to with our other friends.

I've been on a couple of meet-ups where I did know in advance that people were Aspies, but I was just as anxious as I would be meeting any stranger I met on the internet. I think I did settle into conversation with some of them a little easier than I would normally. Talking about diagnoses, autism forums we use etc., were quite good "ice-breakers" to get conversation started, and I didn't feel as much pressure to "pass" as I would normally with new people.

I would put probably best fit your category (2), though somewhat limited by sensory overload and executive problems, especially in group conversations or distracting environments. If my experience is anything to go by, social anxiety could still be a big problem even for people who get very good at "passing". It's an incredibly tiring act to keep up, and the fear that the mask might slip due to a lapse of attention is ever present. The social skills may be "acceptable" to the audience, but you're not communicating as your true self, so the tendency is to communicate in a generic, non-committal way to "play it safe". This puts a distance between yourself and your audience that still hinders getting closer to people, I feel.

I'm just as shy with other aspies as I am with NTs. There's no doubt in my mind that I am autistic, but I still don't really fit in with others on the spectrum, and am not necessarily much more comfortable talking to them than to NTs. I would definitely fit into your third category.

No.

I've only known 5 people offline that were on the autism spectrum. Two were/are my girlfriends who I met on this forum & I'm living with my 2nd one. I seen her brother a few times who was diagnosed with Aspergers when he was little. One was a girl I've known alittle bit as a kid & met up with her 1ce or 2wice as an adult. The last was a girl who was about 18 when I was & had more classic autism & had a caretaker follow her around everywhere. I did feel more comfortable & less shy talking to em but some of that could of been due to having similar interests & meeting up in more quiet settings with less people around. It may also be due to relating better since we're both on the spectrum; that was a big reason I got my two girlfriends.

I'm the same with everyone really. It depends on the person. One time I was with a girl with Asperger's, and she talked so much constantly the whole time I was with her, that I couldn't get a word in edgeways. So I felt rather awkward the whole time.