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hurtloam
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20 Jan 2018, 2:59 am

So I did that thing where you don't text anyone for a few weeks and wait and see who gets in touch. Then you find out who your real friends are.

I got one text.

Yey. I have one friend.

Feeling conflicted. I don't really have anything in common with this person and we're not good friends, like we never confide in each other. Mostly because we see things differently and I don't see the point.

We just don't click.

So I'm selfish because I don't really like the one friend I've actually got. Hmmm.

Why would anyone like me. I'm a rubbish friend.



HistoryGal
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20 Jan 2018, 8:52 am

Did same thing awhile back and ended up with two. Both are deep thinkers and have the same first name.



magz
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20 Jan 2018, 9:55 am

I would call this test a plain BS, especially on the spectrum.

I do have friends. Just a few but reliable. They don't bother me with texting for no reason and they don't expect me to do it for them. We can not talk to each other for months and then just start where we left. Only the ones comfortable with this remained but this way I don't need to pretend anything to them. They are real friends.
Obviously, they would fail this test.

We, on the spectrum, are not usual. So we shouldn't measure our friendships by NT standards.


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HistoryGal
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20 Jan 2018, 12:22 pm

I would measure it by NT standards since that is the default wiring.



magz
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20 Jan 2018, 1:49 pm

HistoryGal wrote:
I would measure it by NT standards since that is the default wiring.

If it's neither mine, nor my friend's wiring, why should I?


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Kiprobalhato
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20 Jan 2018, 2:36 pm

hurtloam wrote:
So I did that thing where you don't text anyone for a few weeks and wait and see who gets in touch. Then you find out who your real friends are.

I got one text.

Yey. I have one friend.

Feeling conflicted. I don't really have anything in common with this person and we're not good friends, like we never confide in each other. Mostly because we see things differently and I don't see the point.

We just don't click.

So I'm selfish because I don't really like the one friend I've actually got. Hmmm.

Why would anyone like me. I'm a rubbish friend.



i often feel like doing that same thing, just to see if anyone cares, but i am certain i wouldn't get any messages to speak of and i eventually just give up and reach out a few days in.

sometimes i delete contacts of mine, whom i feel don't really give a s**t about me, only to - again - come to them soon afterwards. i'm sure they don't like it.


out of curiosity, since you say this person has nothing in common with you and you aren't good friends, why do you think se texted you? what was it about...i can't imagine it was something terribly personal.


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AspieUtah
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20 Jan 2018, 4:22 pm

hurtloam wrote:
So I did that thing where you don't text anyone for a few weeks and wait and see who gets in touch. Then you find out who your real friends are.

I got one text.

Yey. I have one friend.

Feeling conflicted. I don't really have anything in common with this person and we're not good friends, like we never confide in each other. Mostly because we see things differently and I don't see the point.

We just don't click.

So I'm selfish because I don't really like the one friend I've actually got. Hmmm.

Why would anyone like me. I'm a rubbish friend.

You aren't rubbish, your so-called friends are.

You want quality friendships (even online), while they want quantity.


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banana247
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21 Jan 2018, 12:00 am

I’m certain that if I tried this, I would just never speak to anyone again. Literally all conversations are initiated by me. Lol. :cry:

I actually have a decent number of “good” friends... friends that have lasted through the years and it’s like no time has passed when we get together, but they don’t stay in touch regularly and aren’t that responsive if I try to initiate. I also can make new friends fairly easily with people who are clever and sarcastic like me but I always have to initiate those interactions too.

But I know that neither type just sits alone all the time! So who the heck are they all hanging out with?

It’s like, I turn to old friends but they’re always too busy with new things and people in their lives, so I turn to new friends too, but THEY can’t care much about me because they are too busy with their prior relationships! So then I turn back to my old friends, and it’s just an endless loop of me trying to figure out who has time for me. Ha. It’s so stupid.



hurtloam
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21 Jan 2018, 3:09 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
i often feel like doing that same thing, just to see if anyone cares, but i am certain i wouldn't get any messages to speak of and i eventually just give up and reach out a few days in.

sometimes i delete contacts of mine, whom i feel don't really give a s**t about me, only to - again - come to them soon afterwards. i'm sure they don't like it.


out of curiosity, since you say this person has nothing in common with you and you aren't good friends, why do you think se texted you? what was it about...i can't imagine it was something terribly personal.


It was. She text me about family issues. Which made me think, "Oh man she thinks we're closer than I think we are." I feel bad about it. I just find her personality annoying. Dont dislike her as a person, She's a very kind and good person, but I only like her in small stints. A coffee once a month is enough for me.

She texts me a lot. Mostly "How are you?" Because I've been ill lately. But it's like every other day. And gets a bit much. I'm still ill pet, give it time.

I just deleted a load of contacts today. Worst one was deleting a particular guy's Mum's phone number. I really got on well with her even before the whole thing with him happened and fell apart. His parents really wanted us to get together. Last time I saw her in person I said hi and gave her a hug and she looked upset and just walked away. 8O



hurtloam
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21 Jan 2018, 3:13 am

banana247 wrote:
I’m certain that if I tried this, I would just never speak to anyone again. Literally all conversations are initiated by me. Lol. :cry:

I actually have a decent number of “good” friends... friends that have lasted through the years and it’s like no time has passed when we get together, but they don’t stay in touch regularly and aren’t that responsive if I try to initiate. I also can make new friends fairly easily with people who are clever and sarcastic like me but I always have to initiate those interactions too.

But I know that neither type just sits alone all the time! So who the heck are they all hanging out with?

It’s like, I turn to old friends but they’re always too busy with new things and people in their lives, so I turn to new friends too, but THEY can’t care much about me because they are too busy with their prior relationships! So then I turn back to my old friends, and it’s just an endless loop of me trying to figure out who has time for me. Ha. It’s so stupid.


Yeah I feel like that too.

One of my old friends said to me, "I keep thinking I should make time for you and I feel bad." But has plenty of time to spend with her new cool friends. I'm not allowed to participate because I'm single and don't fit in with the married people. I've stopped talking to her and deleted her off Facebook. She's not my real friend. I even lived with her in the past
We used to be really close. But I'm just a single loser who doesn't fit in now.



hurtloam
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21 Jan 2018, 3:15 am

AspieUtah wrote:
hurtloam wrote:
So I did that thing where you don't text anyone for a few weeks and wait and see who gets in touch. Then you find out who your real friends are.

I got one text.

Yey. I have one friend.

Feeling conflicted. I don't really have anything in common with this person and we're not good friends, like we never confide in each other. Mostly because we see things differently and I don't see the point.

We just don't click.

So I'm selfish because I don't really like the one friend I've actually got. Hmmm.

Why would anyone like me. I'm a rubbish friend.

You aren't rubbish, your so-called friends are.

You want quality friendships (even online), while they want quantity.


I'm a rubbish friend to the one friend I've got is what I meant. I've explained a bit more in my response to Kip.



Sahn
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21 Jan 2018, 3:50 am

NTs are good at keeping in touch with each other and have ways of expressing enthusiasm and interest for each other that that I just don't get. I find the way they greet each other really shrill, and the way they're excited to be in a group even though they see each other all the time quite confusing. I'm like :| on the outside but really rather :roll: about it!
Maybe its time to visit an old friend. They know that you never get in touch and will be delighted!



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21 Jan 2018, 4:22 am

I'm sorry, but I don't get it. At all. I'm the kind of person who contacts others when I have something to say to them and aside from my mom everyone does the same to me. Why would anyone be upset just for not being contacted in a few weeks? Maybe they just didn't have anything to say to you during that time. Or were these people you're normally in constant contact with? In that case I understand a little better.



hurtloam
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21 Jan 2018, 4:39 am

Fireblossom wrote:
I'm sorry, but I don't get it. At all. I'm the kind of person who contacts others when I have something to say to them and aside from my mom everyone does the same to me. Why would anyone be upset just for not being contacted in a few weeks? Maybe they just didn't have anything to say to you during that time. Or were these people you're normally in constant contact with? In that case I understand a little better.


I'm not really in constant contact with anyone.

Apart from my sister who I text everyday. Who still texts me, but she doesn't count. She and I just text random observations on things and make each other laugh.

I'm always the first to get in touch and ask how someone is or to arrange a meet up. I try and text people every-so-often to touch base. That's the kind of texting i mean.

No one texts to ask me to meet up. It's always me who makes the effort.

Its been a couple of months of me not doing this and no one has text to meet up with me. Its not been just a few weeks of not texting if I think about it. Its been a couple of months. I didn't really do an experiment. I've just been too depressed to make any effort to reach out and I got nothing from anyone when I don't make the effort.



hurtloam
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21 Jan 2018, 4:45 am

domineekee wrote:
Maybe its time to visit an old friend. They know that you never get in touch and will be delighted!


No. I'm always the one who gets in touch. You've misunderstood.

I am getting in touch. When I don't, they don't care. So I don't see the point bothering people who don't really care.



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22 Jan 2018, 5:40 am

hurtloam wrote:
I'm not really in constant contact with anyone.

Apart from my sister who I text everyday. Who still texts me, but she doesn't count. She and I just text random observations on things and make each other laugh.

I'm always the first to get in touch and ask how someone is or to arrange a meet up. I try and text people every-so-often to touch base. That's the kind of texting i mean.

No one texts to ask me to meet up. It's always me who makes the effort.

Its been a couple of months of me not doing this and no one has text to meet up with me. Its not been just a few weeks of not texting if I think about it. Its been a couple of months. I didn't really do an experiment. I've just been too depressed to make any effort to reach out and I got nothing from anyone when I don't make the effort.


Yeah, I think I know what you mean. My mom contacts me on a regular basis, but the rest of the family only when they need something from me... not that I really mind; I do the same to them. That's our way and it works for us. But with friends... I can only think up two people who sometimes contact me without me doing so first. One's a diagnosed and a bit low functioning aspie and the other is very likely to have some kind of... mental handicap? I suppose I somehow attract people like that or something. I too have fallen out of contact with many since I haven't kept it up... I suppose that I'm someone people can hang out with, but only when they don't need to put in any effort. :roll: