is this guilt or mentall illness
at 17 i started dating a older woman (9 years older) and i told her that i was going to marry her and have children with her (i tought it was romantic)...
at 18 i moved to her country and i lived with her for 3 years. i always told her i wanted to marry her and have children those years but i was lying...
at 21 i realized it was wrong and i broke up.
i felt a little sad about the break up but i had no mental problems.
than i read on the internet that it is difficult for a woman over 30 to find a partner and to have children etc...
i start to have serve mental problems i spend the last years feeling 24/7 guilty about what i have done i vomit daily and think about commiting suicide serval times a day.
a year has passed and the guilt hasn´t gone i still spend the whole day obssesing about her.
i know i don´t need to feel guilty because :
i have a iq of 85
she lied about her age
it is obvious that i am mentally not well
i didn´t knew i was doing anything bad i tought i was just in a relationship and didnt want to be alone.
but despite all those insights i feel extremly guilty i too have the feeling the guilt isn´t going away and that is why i want to commit suicide (i spend the last year extremly ill and i can´t spend more years like this).
sometimes i think about just marrying her to ease my guilt but i know that is stupid but i am afraid i will end up dead soon because of the guilt!
i too since a year know that i am mentally disabled (it is pretty obvious i never went to school i have no friend i can´t work i can´t have a normal conversation i was too stupid to realize it)
imagine if you discover you are mentally disabled and did something horrible ofcourse i want to die
I remember this story. You posted it before: viewtopic.php?f=23&t=357822&p=7762876#p7762876
I think our advice and opinions remain the same.
Your feeling of guilt is not normal. I say, like I said before, seek a professional help (therapist) about it.
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Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.
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