Making friends

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I think my biggest struggle with making friends is opening up. I'm not the type of person to talk about my AS and other little quirks to just about anyone - I'm fairly slow to trust other people with my own burdens, and if by any chance I do trust someone with them, I expect them to return the favor in a sense.

When it comes to meeting new people, I generally like to "feel them out" first - see if I feel comfortable around them, and sort of make mental notes of the topics they like to discuss. That said, I'm a firm believer in the notion that the best friendships are formed naturally. I'm not the type to force myself upon anyone if I'm not seeing a friendship forming between us.

they tell me i gave "too much information". they ask questions i do not wanna answer.

they make comments about my posture, clothes, hair, voice. usually not good. but, good or bad, still judgmental.

they say "what" like it's the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me".

they phone call too often, over every slightest thing. or not at all.

they act totally dramatic, like every slightest thing i do that they do not like, is the end of the world.

they ask condescending questions like "why are you not happy?".

they say "cool", as if they are granting me a favor by social approval.

peer pressure.

they won't even refrain from jaywalking, for me.

they let their dogs off leash around me. even in the "on leash" area.

My biggest struggles that I have been told about:
1. Dominate the conversation or talk too much
2. I am too hyper
3. I go into depth on things with people who I don't know very well
4. I am too negative
5. I always share my stories that people aren't interested in
6.I tend to blow up or get too offended if things don't work out
7. I am too self-centered

1. sometimes someone told me i talk too much. "shut up". or "why are you so quiet".
4. the current counselor told me that i tend to be negative and she tends to be positive. as a result, what she says sounds like euphemisms, but they are not.

5. "i don't wanna hear it," someone had the nerve to tell me.
7, "you don't care about anyone except yourself".
it appeared that the speaker cared about a lot of precious lil "people". but everyone he cared about was similar to him. and they cared about him in return. while not many precious lil "people" care about me, and not a lot.

for example, he cared about himself 2500 calories a day. he cared about someone else 500 calories a day. someone else cared about him 500 calories a day. while i care about myself 1500 calories a day. and i care about someone else 3 calories a day. someone cares about me 3 calories a day. when i attempted to "care" about precious lil "people" at volunteer jobs, they totally told me off. they were pretty angry about things that i did not do. or they blew things i did do grossly out of proportion.

the speaker is in the majority while i am in the minority. he did not realize he was homophobic, cisgender, neurotypical.

not only does he not care about anyone different from them, but anyone different from him has no rights or emotions.

that's all there is to it.

it is totally not an even playing field.




"selfish", someone had the nerve to tell me. they were just trying to guilt trip me to do what they wanted.

Shortuglybaldman, I volunteered at a convention over labor day weekend last year in tech-ops and we happened to have a panel with an actor from the Smallville series. Being that I was into the Superman movie with Christopher Reeve, I asked him a question based on that.

Little did I know that when I went up to ask my question, I formed a line and that angered the husband of a wife with a medical condition in the ADA specialized seating area. After the panel ended, he came up and yelled at several tech-ops and myself about how I am "Selfish person and that I ruined the panel," because his wife needed to get out due to some series medical condition. Why did I ruin the panel? Because I formed the line and he didn't like it.

I have a difficult time making friends as well. Lately, I have been feeling very lonely because of that. I have a really hard maintaining conversations. If the other person does not actively pursue a friendship with me, then I do not know if or how I should pursue friendship. I also have difficulty determining what other people want. I can't tell if they want to be my friend or not. I often feel as though other people do not understand me and I do not understand them and I am not sure how to bridge that gap. You're not alone in thinking that making friends is difficult.

Summer twilight

Sometimes, someone had the nerve to tell me that I was "selfish".

When I was 14, my precious lil "mom" had the nerve to tell me that I was "selfish" for taking the bus home after tennis practice.

Forgot the context, but it might have been because she wanted me to do something for her instead.

Manipulation

Anyone can call anyone or any "selfish"

The dictionary does not contain an exhaustive list of examples

But, according to your post, a stranger told you you were "selfish". You do not have to interact with the stranger regularly

"Ruined the panel" exaggeration but not "lying"

Precious lil "people" sometimes get too extreme when they are emotional. And they are often emotional

High energy precious lil "people" get on my nerves