Making friends

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I've made myself look like an idiot so many times because I tried too hard to make friends that I've pretty much stopped bothering to make any more than I already have, which isn't a whole lot.

I can relate to much that has been said in this thread, and I'm so glad to learn I'm not alone in this. This has really been bothering me a lot over the past couple months. I have a really hard time relating to anyone lately, at work, at Meetups from meetup.com, and even with my family. I feel terribly lonely.

Precious lil "friends" have had the nerve to cancel plans at the last minute, for every slightest excuse

They tell me that they will phone, and they do not

Ha. One of them phoned me when I was in the men's bathroom and she was in the women's bathroom and she was going next door....

They acted like their actions were normal, good, justified

I find it especially difficult finding friends who have similar interests that I have. I haven't met many people who really like history or documentaries, and that is basically what makes me who I am. Another problem I have is maintaining topics about things that I don't really talk/think about, and I also have some trust issues when making friends. I also keep holding back to tell them that it isn't easy to talk to others like everyone else, as well as my jealousy which stems from that. I am getting better at my social skills, but those are basically the things that makes it hard for me.

-LegoMaster2149 (Written on January 30, 2018)

If a person cancels plans on me repeatly, then I quit trying to make plans with them. There is no point in making plans with people who aren't interested in socializing with me.

I can't trust people either. People's nefarious intentions make it hard to trust them. A lot of women like to gossip, create drama, and screw each other over. Most men are only interested in hooking up and finding mistresses and side b*****s.

Even though I am a guy myself, that's another thing I don't like about some guys, from what I can see they tend to sexualize women, instead of some human beings. It makes me angry and sad just thinking about it.

I have only had that issue a couple of times but the worst one was when I was 18 with a childhood friend who had long lost her interest in being friends but led me around.

One time she promised to sleep over and bailed twice and postponed three times, three days in a row. The last time she had her mother blow me off while making plans with her boyfriend and his friends and ran off.

Last summer a close male friend promised to have a cook-out at his apartment pool while quietly running them over by making plans with his girlfriend but didn't tell but rather led us on until no one could make it. It was "That's okay, I have a date anyway."

Lady Elaine

Define "repeatedly"

There is no written agreement a priori, like at work

The current counselor has a policy that clients can cancel two times, in one year, with 48 hour notice

Otherwise it is all over

As a result, at least two times, I went to counseling even though I was sick

It's a delicate balance between knowing when to be more anal retentive and when to be more flexible

Because they acted like they were perfectly reasonable

It was their entire attitude



Someone else and I agreed to meet, nine days later

And I offered her a FaceBook request

She took it, the night before

And I immediately typed, are you still going

9:42am she answered yes

We met , as arranged, at 11am

My phone doesn't have Facebook messenger app. It costs too much

So seriously I am reluctant to arrange social plans with anyone

The potential inconvenience and disappointment is not worth it

Greed versus fear

Cost benefit analysis

I was part of a singles' Sunday School group at another congregation years ago which was very cliquish. This one time, there was a New Year's party at the church and I happened to be there along with several members of this sunday school group. One of the members asked a whole group to join her downtown in my city for a festive event and I said yes too because I assumed they asked me. I got:

"Well, we are going to be there a long time and can't give you a ride because I am going to have a full car. You'll have to ask your family member," so I had to say "No" and found other plans.

I found out later that they only stayed down there for the countdown before going to the apartment of one of the small group leaders to watch movies all night.

.

Last edited by valley on 30 Jan 2018, 6:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I have read all the post and all are relatable. The struggles of making friends and keeping up with social interactions. Also the frustration of not being able to follow the differences in what people say, their body language and then what the say behind your back.

I can't quite describe the feeling right but I just wanted to know if it was a common feeling and how people coped?

I have been living away from home now for just under 3 years and almost all that time I have felt alone whilst being surrounded by "friends" I have always tried to involve myself in group activities even if I find them hard and try to talk about others interests.

When I am not at work I can find I haven't talked to anyone face to face in days

I have learned that when people are phony, don't look at the mouth but their eyes. If they are closed then they are truly sincere but if their eyes are a blank stare, they are lying with their body.

My problem is, I'm weirder and my sense of humour is more surreal I like weird children's jokes (what do you call a bear with no ears a buh) puns and high brow edgy ironic surreal memes, and i quote them in a weird voice (image). I make really weird tones and pitches in my voice when I'm excited

Many do not accept me because I am different from them. They are in the majority and I am in the minority. Even old and educated, doesn't matter. They have an "in" group and if you are different, they don't accept you. Even if they tell you they "care" about you.

Micromanagement

They want to do different things than me. There is no happy medium

They refuse to compromise

I think my biggest struggle with making friends is opening up. I'm not the type of person to talk about my AS and other little quirks to just about anyone - I'm fairly slow to trust other people with my own burdens, and if by any chance I do trust someone with them, I expect them to return the favor in a sense.

When it comes to meeting new people, I generally like to "feel them out" first - see if I feel comfortable around them, and sort of make mental notes of the topics they like to discuss. That said, I'm a firm believer in the notion that the best friendships are formed naturally. I'm not the type to force myself upon anyone if I'm not seeing a friendship forming between us.