Charming single guy after 30 = likely sociopath.

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23 Jan 2018, 5:35 pm

There are people who think like that including here in WP , as the title indicates, they think if a guy is good-looking and charming yet never had a relationship before 30 then he's more likely to be a sociopath à la Georges Sodini way.

Is it true that a single guy, and in particular a virgin/zero-relationship experienced guy in his 30s, is more likely to be violent against women?

let's look at some facts and debunk this stupid myth once and for all:

Quote:

Worldwide:
Thirty-five percent of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence, according to the United Nations.
According to a Global Study on Homicide, of all women who were the victims of homicide globally in 2012, an estimated half were killed by intimate partners or family members.
United States:
Each day - Three or more women are murdered by their boyfriends or husbands on average, according to the American Psychology Association.
Each year - Over 10 million women and men are victims of intimate partner violence, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.
Between 1994 and 2011, the rates of serious intimate partner violence perpetrated on women fell 72%.
According the Center for American Progress, "More than half of all women killed by intimate partners between 2001 to 2012 were killed with guns.
18.3% of intimate partner violence victims received assistance from a victim service agency in 2015, according to the Bureau of Justice Statistics.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline (and loveisrepect, its project for teens and young adults) answered 323,669 calls, chats and texts in 2016.

As you can see, a large portion of crimes against women are actually committed by the victims' partners. These men are not single, they're either boyfriends or husbands.

So the likehood of an adult man with relationship experience to turn out to be a lunatic murderer isn't really less than the likehood of a non-experienced single man to turn out to be like Sodini.

Yet people seem to forget how common domestic violence (including killing and rape) is when they associate the forever single men to Sodini.

SSJ4_PrestonGarvey
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23 Jan 2018, 11:21 pm

Great post I agree!

I do not understand how being single/no experience at 30 or older is an indicator of being probable sociopath and likely to commit acts of violence.

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auntblabby
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23 Jan 2018, 11:40 pm

it seems to me that sociopaths are precisely the types of people to get first dibs at attractive mates. that is what I noticed when I was in the army.

sly279
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24 Jan 2018, 3:23 am

auntblabby wrote:

it seems to me that sociopaths are precisely the types of people to get first dibs at attractive mates. that is what I noticed when I was in the army.

Cause they good at pretending , being charming, and pretray img the type f guy slot of some want. They not held down buy morals.
We talking about none killing ones right?

Sabreclaw
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24 Jan 2018, 4:01 am

Is it a common perception? I've only seen that sort of mentality from WP members, never seen it IRL.

honeymiel
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24 Jan 2018, 6:27 am

I've never heard of this before. Usually the stereotype of single male over 30 is Peter Pan Syndrome

Sociopaths and narcissists seem to have an easier time with relationships, albeit short-term and unstable ones

The_Face_of_Boo
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24 Jan 2018, 6:49 am

Sabreclaw wrote:

Is it a common perception? I've only seen that sort of mentality from WP members, never seen it IRL.

Now you're saying it, you're right - I've only seen this sort of thinking online, maybe it's common in US? I've never seen it IRL either.

But who knows what women talk about guys behind our back.

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24 Jan 2018, 10:20 am

I don't think this way and I think that there aren't many others who do, either. I think I remember a conversation here that had something to do with this... from what I understood the bottom line people were making was that if a guy is handsome, charming and seems to have his life together yet is still single then there's probably a good reason for it. One of the options suggested was that he might be sociopath, but there were other options too, such as the guy might have recently broken up, he might not have any interest in relationships, he might be homosexual and in a closet, he might actually have a relationship but is keeping it a secret, he might not have time for a relationship or maybe he isn't really so charming once you get to know him and that's why women don't want him (in other words I'm saying that there's a possibility he's a jerk.) The guy might also just have high standards; it's not just some women who have those.

So no, it's not a huge red flag if a very charming guy (or woman) is single after 30 because there are plenty of reasons for a situation like that.

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24 Jan 2018, 10:29 am

Fireblossom wrote:

I sometimes fear those outlooks, especially since I am approaching 30 though I have had a relationship before.

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24 Jan 2018, 10:54 am

Now that I think about it, the stereotype I hear about both men and women over thirty who aren't in a serious relationship most often is that they probably have commitment issues... how did this not cross my mind before?

whatamievendoing
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24 Jan 2018, 10:56 am

Fireblossom wrote:

or maybe he isn't really so charming once you get to know him and that's why women don't want him (in other words I'm saying that there's a possibility he's a jerk.)

Funny, then, that women seem to prefer dating the obvious jerks.

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Marknis
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24 Jan 2018, 11:04 am

whatamievendoing wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

or maybe he isn't really so charming once you get to know him and that's why women don't want him (in other words I'm saying that there's a possibility he's a jerk.)

Funny, then, that women seem to prefer dating the obvious jerks.

Something that still boggles my mind to this day. I actually saw some guy punch his girlfriend in the face and she didn't seriously try to make him go away.

When I was told things like "Nice guys finish last.", it made me fear I would have to start doing things like calling women "b*****s" and physically harassing them or else I was doomed to loneliness forever. I can understand that being desperate and lonely being nice isn't cutting it is unattractive but do I have to become some loud obnoxious jerk?

Fireblossom
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24 Jan 2018, 11:15 am

whatamievendoing wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

or maybe he isn't really so charming once you get to know him and that's why women don't want him (in other words I'm saying that there's a possibility he's a jerk.)

Funny, then, that women seem to prefer dating the obvious jerks.

Their idea of jerks is probably different from yours... I mean if they are jerks with similiar behaviour to these guys and don't see any problems in their own actions then it's logical that they don't see anything wrong with what the guys do, either.

kraftiekortie
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24 Jan 2018, 11:16 am

"Nice guys finish last" doesn't mean you punch a woman in the face, or call her a "b***h." That would be a stupid interpretation.

It just means you can't let people take advantage of you.

I'm not a believer in "nice guys finish last," by the way.

whatamievendoing
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24 Jan 2018, 11:21 am

Fireblossom wrote:

whatamievendoing wrote:

Fireblossom wrote:

or maybe he isn't really so charming once you get to know him and that's why women don't want him (in other words I'm saying that there's a possibility he's a jerk.)

Funny, then, that women seem to prefer dating the obvious jerks.

Which is exactly what worries me. They're unknowingly leading themselves into unhealthy relationships by the look of it, and that's only going to damage both sides further in the long run.

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Marknis
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24 Jan 2018, 11:26 am

kraftiekortie wrote:

I wouldn't do that. I don't ever want to become like the redneck and gangsta bullies at school. I want to prove them wrong more than anything else.

Something I learned the hard way and I think something young aspies need to be told.

Why is that?

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