First Post; Rant (just ignore)

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, here it goes.

Here is a little bit about me:
•I go to college, am a full-time student, and live on campus.
•I am 20, but will be 21 in less than 2 weeks.
•I have a poor social life and have never been in a relationship.

You would expect that a woman at my age would have a great social life and goes out with her friends every week or so. Like, something as small as going out to eat or walking through a mall. I should be doing these things, but I'm stuck in my dorm room every single day, especially on the weekends. The last time I have ever hung out with anyone was over eight months ago. I know this is extremely humiliating for anyone my age, and I am so ashamed of myself for having gone that long without spending time with anyone outside my school. I tried so many things just so I could make friends- join clubs, download every social and dating app on my phone... doesn't work. I have been struggling to make friends ever since I was in elementary school. I did move from school to school prior to 3rd grade, so I obviously wasn't able to maintain any friendships. I still don't, even though I've lived in the same state for 12 years. I consider myself a freak because I can't get anyone to hang out with me. I get told I'm not one, but it's true. My Asperger's makes me so awkward I can't strike up a conversation, I am not as attractive as everyone, I am weird in the bad way, and I probably don't have any common interests with anyone. My self confidence is SEVERELY impacted from the loneliness, and I never go a day loving myself. If no one wants to hang out with me, then I know everything about myself is what's wrong with me. I feel like a monster. An animal in my own isolated zoo exhibit. The thought of turning 21 scares me. I don't feel that way. I just want to be a normal, happy person who's surrounded by loving friends. It's just never going to happen. I am almost at the point of going insane. I've been so lonely for so many years. It's like being in a deep hole and never being able to climb out of it. I am completely worthless.

I am sorry you are going through this as I know what it's like to be an outsider. It also sounds like you are doing everything right but can't seem to connect with anyone. Though I am in my 30's, I struggle to connect with people too.

For instance, I struggle to keep female platonic friendships which only last for 8 years or less because most of them had a higher priority to have a guy on their arms and just lose interest in me. I also seem to bond with others but they seem to get to know another person and then I get left out. Other times I get along with the people but they always invite each other to things all the time right in front of me.

I have never had a significant other either but I have had crushes on guys who I thought were interested in me but were not along with putting all eggs in one basket all the time and getting upset when they would date or seem interested in other people.

Regardless, there isn't anything wrong with you but what's wrong with the other people for not wanting to get to know you or even help you out.