18 Year Old Autistic Daughter Obsessed with 15 Year Old

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modernmax
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29 Jan 2018, 1:13 am

RetroGamer87 wrote:
^ Wait, so it's legal for 15 year olds to have sex with each other but it's illegal for 15 year olds to look at porn?

Do they really think the consequences of a teenager looking at a Penthouse magazine will be worse than consequences of sex, such as unintended pregnancy?


It's not illegal to look at porn as a minor lmao. If an adult shows it to a minor porn they would be arrested, but nobody has ever gone to jail for looking at legal porn.


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GCAspies
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29 Jan 2018, 11:28 am

AlyssasDad wrote:
My high-functioning yet emotionally/intellectually delayed autistic daughter has found a boy that likes her.

The boy is also special needs but to a much lesser degree and he seems like a nice kid -- soft spoken, well-behaved.

The problem is that he's 15 and she just turned 18. Legal ramifications aside, she's obsessed with him -- as in she has gotten up to leave the classroom without permission if she sees him in the hall, butted into conversations when he was talking with his case manager at school, refused to get on the school bus leaving school until she could talk with him (they aren't in any classes together).

Her case manager at school is going to talk with her and I'm, of course, not allowing any dating to occur and she doesn't have access to a phone at home (unless we give her the phone) to trying to call him over and over. So far, he hasn't complained nor have his parents.

I'm not sure how to get her to understand the legal problems she could have if she was to be involved with this boy. I only wish he were older as he is a nice kid and I think would treat her well (from what I know so far, caveat emptor).

Any ideas on how to get her to realize that the age difference is such that she can't be dating him? The problem is that this is the first time a boy has shown interest in her so she doesn't want to give him up (you know, there won't EVER be ANOTHER ONE! :P )

All I've read online is about 18 year old BOYS dating 15 year old GIRLS and, of course, that's a BAD idea too, not to mention illegal almost everywhere (I think/hope). Not much on the opposite.

- AlyssasDad

If you know of a police officer/public safety officer who is trained in the area of autism, this might be a good person tot alk with your daughter. She needs to understand the legal ramifications of what could happen due to the age differences. Thinking "jailbait" here, no matter how much is thought otherwise.


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kraftiekortie
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29 Jan 2018, 11:41 am

There are NO legal ramifications, if the sex is consensual, and it happens in DC. Are they both DC residents?

I guess I should research the statutory-rape law in Virginia and Maryland......

I researched it.

In Virginia: Sex between your daughter and the boy would be illegal, and would be prosecuted under "Promotion of Juvenile Delinquency," which is a class 1 misdemeanor.

In Maryland: Sex between your daughter and the boy would be legal. It is covered under a "Romeo and Juliet" provision.



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29 Jan 2018, 12:30 pm

Have you tried talking with your Daughter about this. Perhaps her inner-self has found someone that she can relate to and that accepts her for her. Maybe she feels like he fills some emotional need, you know like a friend.

The age difference is hogwash. My Wife wasn't even born when I was 18 and we've been together 31 years.


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29 Jan 2018, 12:35 pm

Disconaut wrote:
When I was 18, I lived four hours from home, paid my own rent, and worked full time. Is your daughter actually high functioning, or is this just something you're telling yourself? Like I said - I'm considered high functioning and by 18, dating was a breeze and my parents certainly weren't involved in that aspect of my life whatsoever. So your daughter is an adult, and you don't "allow" her to date, she isn't "allowed" to have a phone, and she has a "case manager". Either she's not high functioning at all, or you're overstepping what you are legally allowed to do.

I don't really know what to tell you. Personally I see nothing wrong with a 15 and 18 year old dating. The real issue to me is a country where kids are at risk of jail time for exploring their sexuality, and a society where parental involvement in the dating lives of their nearly grown children is acceptable.


More power to you.


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29 Jan 2018, 12:36 pm

PIforyou wrote:
Have you tried talking with your Daughter about this. Perhaps her inner-self has found someone that she can relate to and that accepts her for her. Maybe she feels like he fills some emotional need, you know like a friend.

The age difference is hogwash. My Wife wasn't even born when I was 18 and we've been together 31 years.



I also think you should talk to your daughter and ask her questions. It might be fun to see things from her perspective.


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GCAspies
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29 Jan 2018, 1:04 pm

CockneyRebel wrote:
Disconaut wrote:
When I was 18, I lived four hours from home, paid my own rent, and worked full time. Is your daughter actually high functioning, or is this just something you're telling yourself? Like I said - I'm considered high functioning and by 18, dating was a breeze and my parents certainly weren't involved in that aspect of my life whatsoever. So your daughter is an adult, and you don't "allow" her to date, she isn't "allowed" to have a phone, and she has a "case manager". Either she's not high functioning at all, or you're overstepping what you are legally allowed to do.

I don't really know what to tell you. Personally I see nothing wrong with a 15 and 18 year old dating. The real issue to me is a country where kids are at risk of jail time for exploring their sexuality, and a society where parental involvement in the dating lives of their nearly grown children is acceptable.


More power to you.

My mom told me as I was approaching 18 that she did the best she could to raise me and that although I will "make many mistakes later in life that I would learn from them and become a great man". I have made many mistakes and yet became a great man. If I had a daughter who was 18 (autistic or otherwise) and she was interested in dating someone who was 15, there is nothing I can do about that because she is 18 in the eyes of the law and legally an adult. However, if that person is living with me and decides to make an unwise decision by being intimate with a minor, I reserve (1) the right to kick this person out of my house and (2) the right to inform the police if the act took place in a state where having sex with a minor is illegal. If a person is old enough to make a decision by doing something he/she will later regret in life, that person is old enough to live on his/her own (although I can still love that person for a bad decision made).

My wife and I have told our oldest two grandchildren that we will pay for their wedding if they wait until they are 30 and will tell the other when she is old enough to understand. However, my wife and I know that teenagers make mistakes. Teenagers may want to get involved intimately with others, but do not have the "life experience" and are not old enough how to deal with events like this. If a teenager wants to be intimate, said teenager better be prepared to deal with the consequences if said intimacy ends up in a pregnancy.

So, while we are all different in how we would handle a situation like this, this is my $.02.

Coming from an autistic adult's point of view,
Scott


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modernmax
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29 Jan 2018, 9:35 pm

GCAspies wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
Disconaut wrote:
When I was 18, I lived four hours from home, paid my own rent, and worked full time. Is your daughter actually high functioning, or is this just something you're telling yourself? Like I said - I'm considered high functioning and by 18, dating was a breeze and my parents certainly weren't involved in that aspect of my life whatsoever. So your daughter is an adult, and you don't "allow" her to date, she isn't "allowed" to have a phone, and she has a "case manager". Either she's not high functioning at all, or you're overstepping what you are legally allowed to do.

I don't really know what to tell you. Personally I see nothing wrong with a 15 and 18 year old dating. The real issue to me is a country where kids are at risk of jail time for exploring their sexuality, and a society where parental involvement in the dating lives of their nearly grown children is acceptable.


More power to you.

My mom told me as I was approaching 18 that she did the best she could to raise me and that although I will "make many mistakes later in life that I would learn from them and become a great man". I have made many mistakes and yet became a great man. If I had a daughter who was 18 (autistic or otherwise) and she was interested in dating someone who was 15, there is nothing I can do about that because she is 18 in the eyes of the law and legally an adult. However, if that person is living with me and decides to make an unwise decision by being intimate with a minor, I reserve (1) the right to kick this person out of my house and (2) the right to inform the police if the act took place in a state where having sex with a minor is illegal. If a person is old enough to make a decision by doing something he/she will later regret in life, that person is old enough to live on his/her own (although I can still love that person for a bad decision made).

My wife and I have told our oldest two grandchildren that we will pay for their wedding if they wait until they are 30 and will tell the other when she is old enough to understand. However, my wife and I know that teenagers make mistakes. Teenagers may want to get involved intimately with others, but do not have the "life experience" and are not old enough how to deal with events like this. If a teenager wants to be intimate, said teenager better be prepared to deal with the consequences if said intimacy ends up in a pregnancy.

So, while we are all different in how we would handle a situation like this, this is my $.02.

Coming from an autistic adult's point of view,
Scott


Wow you would ruin your kids life for being with someone a couple of years younger then them? You have the right I suppose, but that's still pretty messed up.

I'm gonna say again that even if this relationship is or becomes illegal, nobody cares about it. If the boy was older then it would be a different story. But I can guarantee you that in cold, hard reality, nobody is going to get in trouble here. Their dating can be allowed or not allowed by their parents, but legally nothing will happen.


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06 Feb 2018, 11:17 pm

modernmax wrote:
GCAspies wrote:
CockneyRebel wrote:
Disconaut wrote:
When I was 18, I lived four hours from home, paid my own rent, and worked full time. Is your daughter actually high functioning, or is this just something you're telling yourself? Like I said - I'm considered high functioning and by 18, dating was a breeze and my parents certainly weren't involved in that aspect of my life whatsoever. So your daughter is an adult, and you don't "allow" her to date, she isn't "allowed" to have a phone, and she has a "case manager". Either she's not high functioning at all, or you're overstepping what you are legally allowed to do.

I don't really know what to tell you. Personally I see nothing wrong with a 15 and 18 year old dating. The real issue to me is a country where kids are at risk of jail time for exploring their sexuality, and a society where parental involvement in the dating lives of their nearly grown children is acceptable.


More power to you.

My mom told me as I was approaching 18 that she did the best she could to raise me and that although I will "make many mistakes later in life that I would learn from them and become a great man". I have made many mistakes and yet became a great man. If I had a daughter who was 18 (autistic or otherwise) and she was interested in dating someone who was 15, there is nothing I can do about that because she is 18 in the eyes of the law and legally an adult. However, if that person is living with me and decides to make an unwise decision by being intimate with a minor, I reserve (1) the right to kick this person out of my house and (2) the right to inform the police if the act took place in a state where having sex with a minor is illegal. If a person is old enough to make a decision by doing something he/she will later regret in life, that person is old enough to live on his/her own (although I can still love that person for a bad decision made).

My wife and I have told our oldest two grandchildren that we will pay for their wedding if they wait until they are 30 and will tell the other when she is old enough to understand. However, my wife and I know that teenagers make mistakes. Teenagers may want to get involved intimately with others, but do not have the "life experience" and are not old enough how to deal with events like this. If a teenager wants to be intimate, said teenager better be prepared to deal with the consequences if said intimacy ends up in a pregnancy.

So, while we are all different in how we would handle a situation like this, this is my $.02.

Coming from an autistic adult's point of view,
Scott


Wow you would ruin your kids life for being with someone a couple of years younger then them? You have the right I suppose, but that's still pretty messed up.

I'm gonna say again that even if this relationship is or becomes illegal, nobody cares about it. If the boy was older then it would be a different story. But I can guarantee you that in cold, hard reality, nobody is going to get in trouble here. Their dating can be allowed or not allowed by their parents, but legally nothing will happen.


I think the implication was that he would 'reserve the right' to seek out legal ramifications depending on the circumstances and severity of the situation. Not that those things are an automatic 'go to jail' card

And tbh, if we look at how the legal system works, there is a high likelihood that even if she did have sex and did get caught, they'd have a hard time prosecuting her simply because she is autistic with an intellectual delay.
Those things are considered a defence in many situations. Not to encourage law-breaking, but some people legitimately don't and can't understand the consequences of their actions



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06 Feb 2018, 11:32 pm

AspieSingleDad wrote:
So nobody has heard of the Romeo and Juliet law? If there is three years or less difference in age, it's not illegal even if one's a minor and the other is not. Not sure if this applies in all states, so you should check the law in yours. That said, I really don't see 3 years as a big age gap in this case. Both kids are basically in the same age group. Lord knows how many 18 year old boys are dating 15 year old girls. Having the reverse shouldn't make a difference.

There I go, throwin' out the controversial opinion in opposition of others in the forums. Take it for what it's worth.


^^ I was wondering the exact same thing. Ran a "find on page" and discovered you'd already raised the point.

So here's a fairly comprehensive link that explains that law ... state by state. There are still penalties, depending, but they are modified or reduced, the record is expunged afterwards, etc. State by state variations.

I'm not advocating for or against anything here; but it is always good to be well informed.

https://legaldictionary.net/romeo-and-juliet-laws/


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18 Feb 2018, 11:43 pm

In lots of states the law will not do anything if the teens are within 3 years of each other. I know because I researched it abit when I was 20 cuz my 1st girlfriend who I met online was 15. I never considered anything more than a friendship with her till she admitted she liked me.


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AlyssasDad
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19 Feb 2018, 7:09 am

Hello and thanks to all that have responded to the topic.

Thankfully, my daughter seems to be less obsessive about this boy lately. We are fine with her being friends with him and he seems to like her too but emotionally they each aren't ready for a "relationship" although age-wise you would think so. It's more like two twelve years old liking each other if that makes any sense.

Live long and prosper...

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21 Feb 2018, 7:42 pm

The relationship would be legal in DC and Maryland. In Maryland, because it is covered under a "Romeo and Juliet" provision.

It would be illegal in Virginia---a Class 1 Misdemeanor.

In my state, it's legal. I looked it up, and did thorough research.

I'm not advocating for the relationship, by the way. I'm just speaking purely about the legal aspects.



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09 Apr 2020, 7:34 pm

modernmax wrote:
Oh for the love of God, she's 18 years old! With some guidance she is well more than old enough to date. Please let her out of the protective bubble you have her trapped in.


Chaperoning might be an idea along with very structured dating until the boy is older. Just don't let them be "alone".
A lot of communication has to happen between parents from both sides as well. Better for the boy to be at your house - you don't know who might be at the boys house - maybe a not so nice person. If they go out, maybe the two moms or two dads can chaperone. You have to keep them both safe - its a dangerous world for NT's not to mention how incredibly dangerous it can be for us who are on the spectrum.



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17 Apr 2020, 1:55 pm

What’s the legal age of consent where you live?

It’s 16 in Canada so she would only have to wait until his next birthday to consider dating while avoiding any legal ramifications.

But if it’s higher, simply tell her that it’s a matter of the law that they can only remain friends until he reaches X age. If they want to explore dating after that, they can. But until then that’s the law - not your rules - the Law.

Seems pretty simple. Maybe she will comprehend & accept this just fine and remain friends with him? And then maybe they’ll just be friends. Or date in the future. Or have a falling out and not even talk to one another anymore. Etc.


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19 Apr 2020, 7:13 pm

You guys realize this thread is more than 2 years old now, right?


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