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18 Year Old Autistic Daughter Obsessed with 15 Year Old

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Chronos
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27 Jan 2018, 6:12 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
whatamievendoing wrote:
do make sure they don't start having sex



that would be




very hard



to ensure.


Not really. The dates just have to be chaperoned.



bobaspie2015
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27 Jan 2018, 6:36 am

Have patience and let them just be friends as in a platonic manner.
Just think of it this way; if they were to fall in love and marry at a legal age then; when the boy is 90 your daughter and him would be married for 75 years.
Just a thought. :D



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27 Jan 2018, 7:47 am

Hopelessly3 wrote:
is she planning to attend college?

does she have any friends or interest groups / hobbies?


No, unfortunately she's only interested in rock music and the singers (all boys).



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27 Jan 2018, 7:50 am

Kiprobalhato wrote:
with an age gap that wide i would worry about him being too immature for her, but i don't know if/how her autism would affect that.

with similar age diffences and an older male, they seem to usually (kind of) be on equal footing since teenaged girls are, in my experience, more mature than similarly aged boys, but maybe 3 years is a bit much to be on equal footing.

have you met him? what do her friends think if applicable?

as far as i know it's only illegal if they have sex. when i turned 18, my girlfriend was still 15 for a month before she turned 16, nobody i knew had a problem with it, 14 and 17 is certainly too weird.


Yes, I've met him and as I said he seems like a well-behaved nice kid. Thankfully, he's not head over heels crazy about her. Yes, only illegal if they have sex which I don't think would be the issue right off but I can't rule it out entirely as kids these days.



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27 Jan 2018, 7:55 am

Disconaut wrote:
When I was 18, I lived four hours from home, paid my own rent, and worked full time. Is your daughter actually high functioning, or is this just something you're telling yourself? Like I said - I'm considered high functioning and by 18, dating was a breeze and my parents certainly weren't involved in that aspect of my life whatsoever. So your daughter is an adult, and you don't "allow" her to date, she isn't "allowed" to have a phone, and she has a "case manager". Either she's not high functioning at all, or you're overstepping what you are legally allowed to do.

I don't really know what to tell you. Personally I see nothing wrong with a 15 and 18 year old dating. The real issue to me is a country where kids are at risk of jail time for exploring their sexuality, and a society where parental involvement in the dating lives of their nearly grown children is acceptable.


Your definition of high-functioning is different than mine. As I said, my daughter is emotionally and intellectually delayed but she is high-functioning in the sense that she doesn't need assistance from anyone to do everyday things. She is however, more like a twelve or thirteen year old in her thinking and so it's unlikely for her to fully understand the ramifications of could happen to her if the two of them were to have sex and then the boy's parents decided to pursue an assault case against her (since she's the "adult" in the situation). All she knows is that this boy seems to like her, she's crazy about him, and wants to have her first "real" high school boyfriend. I have legal guardianship since she's not fully able to understand financial and medical decisions for herself.



AlyssasDad
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27 Jan 2018, 7:58 am

bobaspie2015 wrote:
Have patience and let them just be friends as in a platonic manner.
Just think of it this way; if they were to fall in love and marry at a legal age then; when the boy is 90 your daughter and him would be married for 75 years.
Just a thought. :D


That's basically what I plan to let it be - a platonic friendship and they can go to group events just as she does with her other friends (some are boys too but older ones and she has no interest in them romantically).



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27 Jan 2018, 8:06 am

modernmax wrote:
Oh for the love of God, she's 18 years old! With some guidance she is well more than old enough to date. Please let her out of the protective bubble you have her trapped in.


For the love of God, eighteen does not make someone instantly an adult at the stroke of midnight on their eighteenth birthday. Law-wise, yes, but in terms of emotionally and intellectual development, sometimes not. I do not have her in a "protective bubble" as I would be happy for her to date someone around her age at the same level of emotional and intellectual development. If she were to date some guy that wasn't emotionally/intellectually delayed, I believe it's possible he might take advantage of her and make demands.

I guess when I'm saying high-functioning, I'm saying that she's able to attend to her daily needs not in the sense of having an adult attitude.



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27 Jan 2018, 6:49 pm

I think it should also be noted that the AOC in D.C. is 16, so they're aren't too far off. I don't know if or what the R and J law is, but being completely real here, I doubt there would be any legal issues. The police aren't going to arrest a girl for being with a boy 3 years younger than her. It's just not very likely at all.

That said it is still his parents', and to some extent your decision to allow them to date. I would say a talk or two with him and his parents would be in order.


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27 Jan 2018, 7:06 pm

She seems, to me, like she has sort of the "mind" of a 15-year-old, so she feels an affinity for people of that age, rather than people of her own age. I was rather like that when I was a child/adolescent. Most of my friends were two years younger than me in those days.

A problem: she makes impulsive decisions based upon the presence of the boy. She refuses to get on the bus because of the presence of the boy.

Yep. I would have a counselor or somebody of that ilk talk to the girl. Try to offer her some "perspective." Be an "objective party" to this.

I would monitor them, closely.....but don't let them know that you are monitoring them.

Yes, sex is a possibility. But I don't sense that it is a probability in this instance. I sense that the boy is "young for his age, too," and might not be "ready" for sex. I wasn't "ready" for sex until I was 15, even though I pretended to be.

Still, one never knows. So keeping an eye on them is essential.

As for the legal ramifications in DC: It's legal for a 15-year-old to have sex with an 18-year-old. It's illegal for a 14-year-old ("under the age of 15") to have sex with an 18-year-old. It's the same thing in New York State, by the way.

Still, I would very strongly advise against those two having a sexual relationship.



Last edited by kraftiekortie on 27 Jan 2018, 7:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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27 Jan 2018, 7:26 pm

Tell her to wait. When he's 18 and she's 21 no one will bat an eye.


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Romansky123
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27 Jan 2018, 7:33 pm

Well the best way that you can handle it in my opinion is to try and divert her attention does she have any other interests or hobbies things she likes to do her infatuation well most likely pass in time.


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27 Jan 2018, 8:52 pm

honeymiel wrote:
Even the most severely handicapped in society are still human beings who experience sexual romantic attraction.

Unless they are asexual and/or aromantic ;)


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27 Jan 2018, 11:17 pm

SabbraCadabra wrote:
honeymiel wrote:
Even the most severely handicapped in society are still human beings who experience sexual romantic attraction.

Unless they are asexual and/or aromantic ;)


Lmao. You try to be inclusive and it's never enough :lol:



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28 Jan 2018, 3:19 am

SabbraCadabra wrote:
honeymiel wrote:
Even the most severely handicapped in society are still human beings who experience sexual romantic attraction.

Unless they are asexual and/or aromantic ;)

I read that as aromatic :D


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Kristaok
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28 Jan 2018, 3:53 pm

If she doesn't realize that dating a younger guy is considered statutory rape she's more than likely not high functionining.



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28 Jan 2018, 6:45 pm

So nobody has heard of the Romeo and Juliet law? If there is three years or less difference in age, it's not illegal even if one's a minor and the other is not. Not sure if this applies in all states, so you should check the law in yours. That said, I really don't see 3 years as a big age gap in this case. Both kids are basically in the same age group. Lord knows how many 18 year old boys are dating 15 year old girls. Having the reverse shouldn't make a difference.

There I go, throwin' out the controversial opinion in opposition of others in the forums. Take it for what it's worth.