Feeling so done with society & workplace BS

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Elfie_Espeon
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29 Jan 2018, 5:38 am

Hi all,
So I have Asperger's, GAD and clinical depression (all diagnosed).
I'm 25, hold a diploma of health science, I have a decent amount of working experience, 2 good references and know how to market myself to employers.

I have not had much difficulty finding/attaining employment in the past... HOWEVER holding a job for any longer than a few months has been a massive issue for me. I either end up quitting due to not being able to handle the anxiety and stress of the workplace/my boss being an ass hole or I get "let go" because I don't get along with my coworkers properly and I'm pretty weird (due to social barriers).

I'm at the point where I've been unemployed for around 10 months now because I can't deal with hospitality anymore (too noisy and stressful) and I'm too afraid to apply for any decent jobs because I know I'll just screw it up again and be jobless again in a few months time.

I'm always an anxious wreck in the workplace, I feel like an alien/imposter desperately trying to fit in and hide the fact that I'm different....
I often feel like all my neurotypical coworkers are watching my every move, just waiting for me screw up and are only pretending to be nice to me.... I always feel like everyone only keeps me around because they haven't found an excuse to get rid of me yet...

So i guess... does anyone have any advice/ideas for holding down a job long term? :/


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MrsPeel
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30 Jan 2018, 7:12 am

I've found different workplaces can have vastly different atmospheres. So just because you've had work before that didn't suit you, because of the people or the environment, doesn't mean there are no jobs out there that you could be successful at.
My suggestion would be to try and maintain confidence that there's something for you out there and keep trying. You might just need to check out the work environment first, as much as you can, and use any interviews to work out whether the boss seems an understanding sort, before committing yourself.
And trust yourself - in the right environment, you won't screw up.



Esmerelda Weatherwax
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30 Jan 2018, 10:12 am

What kind of work are you doing? I trained in the sciences but worked in a healthcare allied field. Changed jobs several times; managed to stay employed and ultimately retire. Here are the things that worked for me:

I got lucky at the start, because I went directly into a technical writing job. That meant that I had contact with co-workers and supervisors, but time alone every day was designed into the job because otherwise I could not get the writing done. I even managed to run a department without losing my mind - mostly because the people were wonderful and all writers are introverts to some extent, so it's not "odd".

I moved into a project management/paralegal type of work after that, but in the same field, because that work was also writing-intensive (more alone time!). I can't work from home - it's not that I lack discipline to do it, rather that I have to have regular human contact or my speaking skills evaporate in a matter of days. I did well at this and refused promotions (already did that. Managing people is a serious commitment and most people suck at it because they're in it for the $ and their egos. Problem is, if you do it right, it takes all you've got).

Just so you know, I worked among snakes the entire time (when I headed the department, there were no snakes among my staff, but all kinds of creepos in other areas wanted to take over the group - mostly, again, for ego). It seems to me that hierarchies attract predators of all kinds, and predators do not like Aspies; we see through manipulative people (at least, in my experience, most of us see through most of them and the rest of us just "don't get" what their games are about) and that messes up their game.

So you have to look at work as just a job. It's not a family, it's not your home away from home. You put in hours and effort, you get out money and healthcare and whatever other perks (transit subsidy? Parking?) your employer offers. Your satisfaction will come from you knowing you did the job well - your employer will want to keep you down, keep your income down, so they will rarely if ever give you full credit or deserved praise. Learn to know in yourself that you have done well.

And seriously - look for the specialty jobs, the ones they need done, that need smart introverted types to do them. I don't know how these are advertised anymore; it was easy when I was young, because it was all in print media, or via headhunters. (If I had it to do again, I might have gone into science journalism, but looking at the layoffs in that field, it's probably well for me that I didn't.)

The point of all this me-blathering is to get you thinking about parallel types of jobs in your field by sharing real examples. I hope it helps.


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kraftiekortie
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30 Jan 2018, 10:16 am

Yes, I know this will seem like "simplistic" advice. But, I have found that "simplistic advice" often can be as useful as advice which takes into account "all sides" of a situation.

Basically, one has to let the "assholery" slide off one's back at times. It's an inevitable part of work life, and of personal life, too.

I was a recipient of it last week. Somebody ratted on me for something petty. I was called into the office, and the boss and I had a "little talk." Nothing disciplinary came of it---but I am sure the person who ratted on me wanted me to get "written up."

I've been going through this crap for 37 years now.



Esmerelda Weatherwax
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30 Jan 2018, 10:43 am

Oh, I hate that.

Someone tried to get me in trouble once because I didn't answer my office door when they knocked.

My poor supervisor... I helpfully explained to him that I knew who had reported this. Then I explained that the major surgery I'd had three months previously had left internal adhesions which caused me crippling, disabling pain when the barometric pressure changed abruptly, and that at the moment the tattletale knocked, I was on the floor of my office, curled in a tight ball of sobbing pain, and she could HEAR me crying, and I TOLD HER what was happening and that I'd be on my feet in about five minutes once the pain ended (which it always did).

I suggested to him that perhaps SHE should be written up for vindictiveness, at the very least, since I had spoken to her through that closed door and informed her of the problem AT THE TIME, and she not only failed to assist me, she tried to do me FURTHER harm.

Funny, he never ever ever ever gave me any negative feedback again. Wonder why? :?:

PS, I'm fine now, but anyone who has major thoracic or abdominal surgery does have a risk of this. It's well known, and shame on them, because we were all in a healthcare related field and there was no excuse at all for her reaction.

PSS, apparently something got back to my would-be backstabber, because she tiptoed around me after that, until she eventually found another job and left.


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"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
-- Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


kraftiekortie
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30 Jan 2018, 10:52 am

You're a smart chick, Esmerelda. And you, definitely, established a track record with your boss which enabled him to trust you when you offered the explanation.

I know who ratted on me, too. But this boss didn't want to hear about that. All he wanted to do was to "caution" me, so to speak. I think the boss knew who ratted, too. I sense that the boss is actually afraid of this person.

So I just let it go in my mind, after a couple of days of stewing. What's the use of getting all pissed off, and ruining your day? I didn't get written up---so no harm, no foul.

The last time I was written up was about 1991. And that was for meowing in the hallways of the courthouse.



Esmerelda Weatherwax
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30 Jan 2018, 10:59 am

^^ Absolutely agree, Kraftie. My situation required the response I gave, because it was beyond wrong and this person was trying to damage not only me, but my working relationship with a boss I'd known for years.

Yours was wrong too, but required a more measured response, which you gave. (Edit in: oops. I was totally calm when responding, don't want to give a wrong impression. The emotion I showed was flabbergasted astonishment that Person X - whom I named - responded that way, given my through-the-door-while-on-the-floor explanation to her.)

One piece of advice from this former paralegal-equivalent: contemporaneous handwritten notes, if you think there's any chance your "fan base" will try to cause you further problems. Kept in a file at home.


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"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
-- Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


kraftiekortie
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30 Jan 2018, 11:19 am

Yep....a "paper trail" is always a useful thing.

I hate having to do this sort of thing, but it's necessary in this era of "political correctness" and mania for litigation.



kraftiekortie
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30 Jan 2018, 12:33 pm

OP:

I wish I could tell you that the nature of jobs was different. But it's really not.

Most places, in my experience, aren't too bad; even in those places, though, there is some irritating things that happen.

How does your anxiety manifest when you're on the job?



Elfie_Espeon
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30 Jan 2018, 7:44 pm

Thanks for all the advice guys (and gals.... And cats XD)

Tbh my anxiety is probably my biggest barrier atm, it kinda manifests itself into serious paranoia and I feel like I'm on the verge of a panic attack when I'm around other people at work/uni (I often sit in the bathroom at work just to get away from everyone and calm down).
I've just started on some new meds for anxiety though... So hopefully they help me out.

I'm thinking of going back to uni and finishing my degree, swapping to med lab science so I can get a job in a hospital lab... Might suit me better?


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Esmerelda Weatherwax
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30 Jan 2018, 11:26 pm

My guess? A pathology lab, as long as there isn't too much time pressure.

Actually you might look into audiology - being in Australia I *hope* you're not subject to the obscene gouging that US students now face - audiology is a very low stress job - there just aren't very many emergencies that require an audiologist; most of the work is routine and by appointment. And (at least in the US) it pays quite well.

:shrug: might be worth looking into


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"I believe you find life such a problem because you think there are the good people and the bad people," said the man. "You're wrong, of course. There are, always and only, the bad people, but some of them are on opposite sides."
-- Terry Pratchett, Guards! Guards!


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06 Feb 2018, 5:12 am

Elfie_Espeon wrote:
Hi all,
So I have Asperger's, GAD and clinical depression (all diagnosed).
I'm 25, hold a diploma of health science, I have a decent amount of working experience, 2 good references and know how to market myself to employers.

I have not had much difficulty finding/attaining employment in the past... HOWEVER holding a job for any longer than a few months has been a massive issue for me. I either end up quitting due to not being able to handle the anxiety and stress of the workplace/my boss being an ass hole or I get "let go" because I don't get along with my coworkers properly and I'm pretty weird (due to social barriers).

I'm at the point where I've been unemployed for around 10 months now because I can't deal with hospitality anymore (too noisy and stressful) and I'm too afraid to apply for any decent jobs because I know I'll just screw it up again and be jobless again in a few months time.

I'm always an anxious wreck in the workplace, I feel like an alien/imposter desperately trying to fit in and hide the fact that I'm different....
I often feel like all my neurotypical coworkers are watching my every move, just waiting for me screw up and are only pretending to be nice to me.... I always feel like everyone only keeps me around because they haven't found an excuse to get rid of me yet...

So i guess... does anyone have any advice/ideas for holding down a job long term? :/


What kind of job do you want?