How to understand non-verbal cues and rules?
How do people understand non-verbal cues? I am trying to make friends but once the non verbal cues come into the mix I am really baffled, like people being annoyed or bored with you fold their arms and close themselves off yet sometimes people that are thinking about something might do the same thing.
Since I don't understand body language, I can't project the same one to express anything! Like "being more open" I have no idea how to do that. People avoid me a lot so I must be doing something wrong but if I ask, most people give me a vague answer. Then there are unspoken rules, like when to talk to people, when are you talking to them too much, when do they want you to go away, when...okay I can keep going on and on.
Anyway, have any of you figured it out? Can you explain it because I keep screwing up somewhere. Sadly this problem seems to follow me from in person to online as well...
_________________
Autism is a disorder not a personality trait!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference."
If you talk a lot, people will keep interrupting you so that's a time to stop.
1. If you are negative, people will walk away
2. If you tend to talk about your interest all the time, they walk away.
The best thing to do is to ask the person what their interests are, doing a little research on that and then the next time you see them, talk to them about events related to topics of interest.
Another thing I have learned is that making friends happen when you get busy in the middle of an activity like volunteering somewhere and happen to meet someone who I have a lot in common with. For instance, I made friends with a married couple and their three children because the husband has Asperger's and the wife has ADHD like me next to being nerds.
I'm surprised you are having this problem online because you don't monologue, and your posts are easy to read. Do you leave people waiting a long time for a response, or is it that others are not responding?
In person, I try to follow a equal talking strategy, as in we take turns to talk roughly for the same amount of time. This works well for me (when I remember to use it) with work colleagues as if someone doesn't say much to me then I match this and don't annoy them. If someone talks a lot, then I know I can talk a lot too or I can just listen to them, it's my choice.
When I see someone unexpectedly I try to ask how they are before they ask me as otherwise I get distracted by answering the question. I am still working on this by writing down some good questions for people if I know I might see them. A good question would be to ask my Mum, when I next see her, if she's learnt anything new about her health (she had some problems and tests a few months ago) When I next see a friend I am going to ask about her husband and then what her grown up children are doing.
The body language and facial expressions baffle me too. I leave people alone if they go quiet but I don't know if that's right or wrong.
_________________
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Petition against Amazon selling 'make downs extinct' t-shirts. And other hate speech paraphernalia.
In person, I try to follow a equal talking strategy, as in we take turns to talk roughly for the same amount of time. This works well for me (when I remember to use it) with work colleagues as if someone doesn't say much to me then I match this and don't annoy them. If someone talks a lot, then I know I can talk a lot too or I can just listen to them, it's my choice.
When I see someone unexpectedly I try to ask how they are before they ask me as otherwise I get distracted by answering the question. I am still working on this by writing down some good questions for people if I know I might see them. A good question would be to ask my Mum, when I next see her, if she's learnt anything new about her health (she had some problems and tests a few months ago) When I next see a friend I am going to ask about her husband and then what her grown up children are doing.
The body language and facial expressions baffle me too. I leave people alone if they go quiet but I don't know if that's right or wrong.
You would think it wouldn't be that way online but people type differently and I think even though it is just words, people still use hidden language. Being online you still have to follow hidden rules and for instance like on a dating site, having to figure out the way people type and what something mean to one person might not be the same for another.
It's harder to explain how I have trouble online but I know I still have trouble...or maybe I'm just over thinking things.
_________________
Autism is a disorder not a personality trait!
"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
and Wisdom to know the difference."
In person, I try to follow a equal talking strategy, as in we take turns to talk roughly for the same amount of time. This works well for me (when I remember to use it) with work colleagues as if someone doesn't say much to me then I match this and don't annoy them. If someone talks a lot, then I know I can talk a lot too or I can just listen to them, it's my choice.
When I see someone unexpectedly I try to ask how they are before they ask me as otherwise I get distracted by answering the question. I am still working on this by writing down some good questions for people if I know I might see them. A good question would be to ask my Mum, when I next see her, if she's learnt anything new about her health (she had some problems and tests a few months ago) When I next see a friend I am going to ask about her husband and then what her grown up children are doing.
The body language and facial expressions baffle me too. I leave people alone if they go quiet but I don't know if that's right or wrong.
You would think it wouldn't be that way online but people type differently and I think even though it is just words, people still use hidden language. Being online you still have to follow hidden rules and for instance like on a dating site, having to figure out the way people type and what something mean to one person might not be the same for another.
It's harder to explain how I have trouble online but I know I still have trouble...or maybe I'm just over thinking things.
I misunderstood, sorry, I thought you meant on here. I haven't tried online dating but I gave up Facebook because of misunderstandings I very rarely text.
_________________
climate change petition, please sign
Petition against Amazon selling 'make downs extinct' t-shirts. And other hate speech paraphernalia.
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