why I want to kill myself

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Because it is always the people who lack passion who win. The only people I like are the mad ones, the ones eager to learn, eager to love, eager to burn, burn, burn into the night like a Roman candle.

Now someone please pass me the cyanide.

That really isn’t true.

Many people who burn the candle at both ends become successful.

It’s just that the process towards success is harder.

When you say "always", if that statement contains one exception, the whole statement is false

Having said that, it appears that your statement is much closer to accuracy than, maybe, it morally ought to have been

Yeah I get frustrated often and extremely

When I was 16, a counselor had the nerve to tell me that the reason why junior high school students bullied me was because they were jealous that I did better at school than them and if you work hard "you can be whatever you want to be when you grow up"

But plenty of children 18 drop dead. Poverty, crime, disease

That is not their fault

They could not have prevented it

They do not have a chance to grow up

Much less be whatever they want to be



So whatever



Seriously though. A fifth year electrical engineering undergraduate told me that if she studied as much as me, she would have gotten straight A's

That did not stop me from flunking out

It looks like most Chinese cisgender females my age are much skinnier than me, and they eat more

It appears that, in those ways I am doing or I did the best that I reasonably could have done, given the circumstances.

The barbers had a sign "I am a hairdresser, not a magician"

"You can't make a silk purse out of a sows ear"


The story of my "life"

I feel suicidal again today. The psychopaths are winning.

What is leading to your despair?

There's nowhere for me to go where I can just be myself. I don't belong anywhere.

I know the feeling all too well.

That’s why I feel delight more in Nature and Knowledge than in People.

Thanks kraftie for your support, I am going to try to bury my head in a book for a while.

Books have been my salvation.

I am fee!ing suicidal right now. I wish it wasn't so hard to find someone who cares. I am tires of feelings like I have to fight to survive just walking down the street. It ain't nice feeling alone.

What caused this feeling?

I think it’s time for a good book again....

I can relate to this struggle. As I approach 50, sometimes I still feel like a dead horse that just keeps taking that beating over and over of getting punished by anxiety over assorted social failures that seem to keep on popping up at me....but I keep on going and I have good days again. Personally I never could quite believe that suicide would provide true escape. I'm non-religious, though sometimes intrigued by the idea of reincarnation, but even Science teaches that there is no creation or destruction of matter. So likewise I believe there is no disappearance of a thing, there is only transmutation...so my thinking is now why take the chance on having to start over and end up here where you left off. To me, that feels like the more depressing prospect than staying here and working and sweating through it. The very laws of Nature prove that persistence and work are likely to yield growth and rewards.

Would anyone miss me if I died tonight?