I don't have any goals

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It's a new year but I don't have any goals for it. I just get up to eat, go to work and grind my life away until I get off, eat again, try to decide if I want to do something entertaining or take a chance on socializing to the point it burns me out, and stay up late wondering why my life is so messed up until I go back to bed. It's a vicious cycle but I feel like I can't break out of it because my attempts to get out of my rut all ended in failure or disappointment no matter how hard I tried. I feel like since I turned into an adult without accomplishing certain expectations that my life is fixed and nothing can change it.

Everything I did failed, whenever I did anything, I ended up thinking why the f**k did I bother, and then I would tell myself off for being stupid enough to think I might get something right when I should have just accepted that I was better off not bothering.
I didn't exactly cure myself of this but I did sort of progress from it after I read something I think by Dyson (he's an inventor) It was about how many times you fail against how many times you succeed. Some people are successful 1/2 of the things they try, some people 1/20, some only 1/50, it's genetics, fate, God, whatever. It's unfair but it is only an a block to succeeding if you see failing as a bad thing. People who see it as an inevitable part of success, try more things even if they only have a 1/50 success rate. If they attempt 25x more things than the person with a 1/2 success rate they have as many successes. More importantly they don't feel bad or reflect negatively upon their failures even though there are more of them too.

When I try something I now write it down, I then report on whether it went well, or s**t, then I keep track, some things start well and go badly, and visa versa. I find my ratio is better than I had thought, but it also proved that the more things I try the more things I succeed with. I still get upset initially over some of my failures but I have found this approach very beneficial.

Marknis

Likewise I ain't got no goals either.

And no job.

It is too hard to determine what is reasonable as a goal. For example, I talked to the current counselor about how getting a job could be a goal. She answered, would a volunteer job count?

Its like, what? I have already had plenty of volunteer jobs. They got nowhere. The ones in my field might be an exception.

But maybe I am unemployable

The goal has to be hard enough to challenge but not high enough to discourage

The other thing, is apathy. Is that goal worth that amount of energy?

For example, after wasting six years on a BA, I still have yet to get a job above minimum wage. So, was college worth it, as a goal, financially? No. Did college broaden my horizons, more than working at Mc Donald's could have,? Yes


.social goals are like, whatever. Anyone could reject you for an unlimited number of reasons. Those reasons are not necessarily your fault. Those reasons are not necessarily justified.

I am staying up late again ruminating on my past. This vicious cycle gets me nowhere but I can't break from it.

No goals here either, but.... I question exactly why that even matters. What would having "goals" get me, exactly? Anxiety about goals, probably. And a lot of wasted time.

Frankly I've always thought this idea of having goals for a given year to be completely ridiculous. A year is a VERY long time. Who knows what could happen in it. Any "goals" you might have could turn out to be irrelevant in the face of new developments, as happens often for many.

Besides, some goals people come up with... they dont always think them over so hard. They come up with these goals because they have this bizarre idea that they're SUPPOSED to. Not for an actual practical reason. And then they dive into it, aaaaaaand... the regret comes later, the escape from the situation they just jumped into comes MUCH later, as once you're deep enough into something it can take some time to get out.

Dont try to have goals for the sake of having goals. Dont do things for reasons like that. Have a goal because it makes practical and logical sense to do so (for example, if you are both unemployed and also NEED a job, the goal of "get a job" would make sense). Dont think you need to add goals just because you see other people do it (never think that way about ANYTHING, period. It's nothing but trouble).

in SMART support group, goals have to be specific, managable, attainable, realistic, timeable

so. not all goals are good.

some goals are good.

sometimes something comes up and you have to change your goal

but that does not mean the goal was bad

I've never scored a goal while I played hockey.....

Marknis

The current counselor told me, to come up with a mantra for obsessions.

Whenever I obsess about homophobic precious lil "people" that had the nerve to tell me that it is "lying" for me to ask them to call me "he" instead of "she", I think "here and now"

Sometimes the mantra helps a little

Diversion could help too

Video games, as long as it's worth the cost benefit analysis

There's nothing that says people must have goals, nor that they must be big goals or anything like that.

It's nice to have goals, though, IMO.

Based on this post alone, I'd say it'd be an excellent goal to set to try different ways to break your cycle & get out of your run than the ones you've already exhausted. That's a goal worth pursuing, as even unsuccessful attempts are successes in their own right, because that means you've successfully tried something new AND successfully ruled it out as a potential winner in the game of breaking this cycle & moving forward. Sometimes not succeeding IS success and ought to be celebrated, because it means you Tried something, made an effort, were willing to fail another time if that's what it takes, learned that it didn't quite work out the way you wanted, and then could put that method behind you & move forward with another.

That's the sort of path most "successful," people follow. Very few people get super lucky and end up shooting a hole-in-one and accomplishing what they set out to instantly. Most struggle, have setbacks, endure failure after failure, until one day something works!

It's the same for health as it is in business/finances/career/sports etc. Sometime we just have to do the best we can and "fail forward," as they say. I know that I tried several things over many years to deal with my own depression/anxiety & other symptoms and some of them worked to varying degrees, and some of them flat out didn't and made things worse.. but eventually I was willing to try more things, different things, and finally found a few things that truly worked far better than all the others combined.

Same same for other areas of health, too, not just mental health. I've been dealing with various skin conditions for more than half my life and have received several different diagnoses & treatments from several different doctors. Each time it's made sense, so I've gone with it. Sometimes they've been flat out incorrect, but each time they've done their very best with what they know, and as have I. I've recently received a few different diagnoses for one singular skin condition (weird) but each time it's made more sense than the last and the change in treatment protocol has made ever more sense, so, I continue to just go with the flow and do what makes the most sense to do. I'm using this as another real world example of persistence in dealing with one's own health concerns. Just because a doctor isn't able to nail it on their first attempt doesnt' mean you as a patient ought to give up hope on healing! Try & try again.. because you're worth it!

the closest thing i have to goals:

do fewer things i regret

gorging (eating) less often



but nothing cumulative, like get a job, get a masters degree, get married, have children,

not ambitious enough

too lazy

but whatever