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Joe90
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14 Feb 2018, 3:45 pm

Here are reasons why I despise Asperger's (some of these things are caused by ADHD too):-

-I whined and cried a lot as a child, causing my mum grief

-I was socially isolated when I was an adolescent

-I could be so playful and happy as a child, but then also miserable and whiny

-My mum has cancer, and they say stress from over the years can cause cancer, so....

-I shy away from wedding invitations, and people think I'm being unfriendly by not going, even after explaining about my social anxieties

-I have an extremely low tolerance to pain, causing me to avoid any more smear tests and other important tests that could save your life

-Because of my Asperger's I struggle with full time work, meaning that I will never afford to pay in a pension, and so when I'm old I'm going to be poor and uncared for and just die alone, lonely and frightened

-I can't go out in public without getting funny looks from strangers, even though I know I don't do anything to look different (I am trendy and know how to act normal)

-My whole school life was ruined because of my fear of the school bell ringing, so I spent a lot of time avoiding being near a bell when it was due to ring, which got in the way of my social life

-I have to remain on meds to keep me from having rage outbursts

-I have too many pathological fears that rule my life (fears that can't be overcome or reasoned with even if you face them to overcome them)

-My excuse to not go out to bars is 'I have social anxiety', while others my age have excuses like 'I have work tomorrow', 'I have no money' or 'I have kids'. Otherwise they would be out at the bar



...And loads more. How could anybody be proud of any of that?


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bobaspie2015
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14 Feb 2018, 7:06 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Here are reasons why I despise Asperger's (some of these things are caused by ADHD too):-

-I whined and cried a lot as a child, causing my mum grief

-I was socially isolated when I was an adolescent

-I could be so playful and happy as a child, but then also miserable and whiny

-My mum has cancer, and they say stress from over the years can cause cancer, so....

-I shy away from wedding invitations, and people think I'm being unfriendly by not going, even after explaining about my social anxieties

-I have an extremely low tolerance to pain, causing me to avoid any more smear tests and other important tests that could save your life

-Because of my Asperger's I struggle with full time work, meaning that I will never afford to pay in a pension, and so when I'm old I'm going to be poor and uncared for and just die alone, lonely and frightened

-I can't go out in public without getting funny looks from strangers, even though I know I don't do anything to look different (I am trendy and know how to act normal)

-My whole school life was ruined because of my fear of the school bell ringing, so I spent a lot of time avoiding being near a bell when it was due to ring, which got in the way of my social life

-I have to remain on meds to keep me from having rage outbursts

-I have too many pathological fears that rule my life (fears that can't be overcome or reasoned with even if you face them to overcome them)

-My excuse to not go out to bars is 'I have social anxiety', while others my age have excuses like 'I have work tomorrow', 'I have no money' or 'I have kids'. Otherwise they would be out at the bar



...And loads more. How could anybody be proud of any of that?

Hmmm you sure do focus on negative stuff rather than positive stuff.



kraftiekortie
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14 Feb 2018, 7:50 pm

Don't blame yourself for your mother having cancer, Joe. Please don't.

For all the trouble I caused my mother, she should have cancer all over her body by now.



bobaspie2015
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14 Feb 2018, 8:16 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Here are reasons why I despise Asperger's (some of these things are caused by ADHD too):-

-I whined and cried a lot as a child, causing my mum grief

-I was socially isolated when I was an adolescent

-I could be so playful and happy as a child, but then also miserable and whiny

-My mum has cancer, and they say stress from over the years can cause cancer, so....

-I shy away from wedding invitations, and people think I'm being unfriendly by not going, even after explaining about my social anxieties

-I have an extremely low tolerance to pain, causing me to avoid any more smear tests and other important tests that could save your life

-Because of my Asperger's I struggle with full time work, meaning that I will never afford to pay in a pension, and so when I'm old I'm going to be poor and uncared for and just die alone, lonely and frightened

-I can't go out in public without getting funny looks from strangers, even though I know I don't do anything to look different (I am trendy and know how to act normal)

-My whole school life was ruined because of my fear of the school bell ringing, so I spent a lot of time avoiding being near a bell when it was due to ring, which got in the way of my social life

-I have to remain on meds to keep me from having rage outbursts

-I have too many pathological fears that rule my life (fears that can't be overcome or reasoned with even if you face them to overcome them)

-My excuse to not go out to bars is 'I have social anxiety', while others my age have excuses like 'I have work tomorrow', 'I have no money' or 'I have kids'. Otherwise they would be out at the bar

What if we looked at it from this angle.
Here are reasons why I love being an Aspies (some of these things are caused by ADHD too):-

-I whined and cried a lot as a child, Mom still loved me.

-I was socially isolated when I was an adolescent so I created my own entertainment.

-I was so playful and happy as a child.

-My mum has cancer, and I love her and support her in every way.

-I shy away from wedding invitations and such because I am not fond of being around crowds of people.

-I have an extremely low tolerance to pain, but as I mature I am sure that will pass.

-Because of my Asperger's I struggle with full time work. I need to find a position where I am comfortable with. Perhaps it may be a work for home position.

-When I go out in public I get funny looks from strangers, poor buggers, they are so narrow minded.

-School life was a bit of an issue because of my fear of the school bell ringing, so I simply blocked my ears when they did ring.

-My medication keeps me calm.

-Like all people, I have some fears. Hey! But s**t happens.

-I avoid going out to bars and I am so grateful as such. Live plays are so much more interesting.



kraftiekortie
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14 Feb 2018, 9:20 pm

^^^^That's really pretty good....

Didn't know you had it in you LOL

You said it better than I could say it.



naturalplastic
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14 Feb 2018, 9:39 pm

Take "autism", and substitute "club foot".

Lets say that you had a club foot.

But for some reason it wasn't obvious that you had club foot. A doctor had to examine you to find it.

So....would you have a problem 'accepting' your diagnosis of having a club foot?

What would be the alternative to "accepting" it?

You would be lame and walk funny. But you would have no explanation for your funny walk and inability to run. So folks would assume that your inability to run is due to a flaw in your character. you're just a lazy malingering bastard because you refuse to walk normal.

So...which is better? Being a lazy malingering bastard? Or being a regular person who happens to have a club foot?



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14 Feb 2018, 10:04 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Here are reasons why I despise Asperger's (some of these things are caused by ADHD too):-

-I whined and cried a lot as a child, causing my mum grief

-I was socially isolated when I was an adolescent

-I could be so playful and happy as a child, but then also miserable and whiny

-My mum has cancer, and they say stress from over the years can cause cancer, so....

-I shy away from wedding invitations, and people think I'm being unfriendly by not going, even after explaining about my social anxieties

-I have an extremely low tolerance to pain, causing me to avoid any more smear tests and other important tests that could save your life

-Because of my Asperger's I struggle with full time work, meaning that I will never afford to pay in a pension, and so when I'm old I'm going to be poor and uncared for and just die alone, lonely and frightened

-I can't go out in public without getting funny looks from strangers, even though I know I don't do anything to look different (I am trendy and know how to act normal)

-My whole school life was ruined because of my fear of the school bell ringing, so I spent a lot of time avoiding being near a bell when it was due to ring, which got in the way of my social life

-I have to remain on meds to keep me from having rage outbursts

-I have too many pathological fears that rule my life (fears that can't be overcome or reasoned with even if you face them to overcome them)

-My excuse to not go out to bars is 'I have social anxiety', while others my age have excuses like 'I have work tomorrow', 'I have no money' or 'I have kids'. Otherwise they would be out at the bar



...And loads more. How could anybody be proud of any of that?


Because not everyone has all those aspects, but also they may view some of them differently.

For example:

-social isolation: Something I've learned over the years: LOTS of people are jerks. Lots of them are also pretty "fake" in terms of interaction. I realized quickly that I wasnt missing out on much... yet I WAS avoiding unnecessary idiocy. So I've never seen this as a problem in my case.

-Playful & happy VS whiny & miserable: That's childhood for you. Dont think THAT one is just an autism thing. Kids tend to be moody, with rather explosive emotions at times. There's a reason why parents often seem run-down.

-cancer from stress: ....I dont believe that for a second. Instead of just listening to "what they say" when it comes to stuff like this, look up real evidence of it (from truly reliable sources... which isnt easy to find. The internet is NOT going to be one of those sources).

-Wedding invitations: You know, I've gone to exactly three of these: One was my mother and stepfather, second was my father and stepmother, and the third was my brother's. These are the only people I've ever made exceptions for. My extended family is HUGE. Weddings happen often. I dont go to any of them. Why? Dont want to. I'm not going to be social there, and frankly, they take too long. And I know my presence is not required for it to be a good time for everyone involved. I dont do parties, so why would I do weddings?


-Low tolerance to pain: Hm, now this one has always been tougher to deal with. Though, enough exposure to pain (I have nerve/tendon issues that can get nasty) has given me more resistance to it. Not just that though, but also sheer stubbornness: When it gets bad, I get irritable, and that means I'm going to bloody well REFUSE to let it control me, purely on sheer principle. This is something that anyone can learn to do, but it's going to depend on your personality to some degree.

-funny looks from strangers: Based on what you say, there are two possibilities here: 1, This is all in your head, as your perception... which tends to be not "filtered" in those with autism... is causing you to notice WAY MORE than most people would (who outright would not be aware of any "looks" they're getting), and you're actually doing a fair job of seeming normal as you say, or 2, you're NOT seeming as normal as you think, and it's something you can work on to fix, if you really want to. I, personally, have simply never cared. Normal is boring. I dislike "boring".

-School bell thing: I'll just put it this way: Autism isnt the only thing that can cause school to be an endless hell. NTs go through alot of that crap too, whether you realize it or not. If it hadnt been one thing, it might have been another. In my case, school was when I started to really realize just how bad some people could act... I quickly realized, I wasnt missing out by not getting involved with total jerks. I was as anti-social as they come, and that was fine by me. I knew alot of people, ALOT of them, that did NOT have autism, and did not have sensory issues... but they had it worse than I did. Simply because school is school.

-Meds: Feh. Lots of people are on meds. I'm on meds. But it's not just autism that keeps me on them. Meds are an unfortunately annoying fact in the lives of MANY people. But if they do their job, then they are a benefit.

-Pathological fears: Again, not just an autism thing. Lots of people have fears of all sorts of things, and some of it can be REALLY irrational. An otherwise totally, absolutely normal person might flip the hell out if they see a tiny spider in their room, despite it being literally harmless (and freaking tiny). Or stuff like that.

-Bars: ....this matters why, exactly? I know society emphasizes bars, but has it ever occurred to you that you dont actually need to go to them? There are SO many other places you can socialize. It is, in fact, possible to meet people without alcohol ever being involved. Dont just automatically go with what the "norm" is. Go with what actually works for YOU. I *never* go to places like that, but that only led to me finding other, more interesting types of places and events that actually suit me, and THAT has led to some lasting friends. Wheras at bars, I'd have just met drunken idiots. No thanks. I really feel like I dodged a particularly horrible bullet on this one.

-Job: I havent worked in 10 years. This is the one I dont have any thoughts on. Frankly though, I HATED every job I've ever had. Well, I say "havent worked" but I've done contracted game development recently. Which wasnt something I expected, or ever trained for. Sometimes, opportunities come in very unexpected ways. Dont think that traditional 9-5 jobs are the only type of job. The stuff I do isnt scheduled, and is basically "when I bloody well feel like it". But for the guys I contracted with, they dont care: They only care that the results are good. How or when I get those results, is not their concern. You might find that there really are things like this out there. Maybe try looking at entirely new types of things. I mean, I can do this stuff, but much like you, a very typical scheduled full-time job was utterly out of my grasp. Impossible. But still, I have this other thing now.



Understand, I'm a *very* negative person. I call myself "Misery" for a reason. But even I can see positives as well as negatives, when it comes to autism. What are the positives for you? It might do you some good to sit down and think about that a bit.



bobaspie2015
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14 Feb 2018, 11:13 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
^^^^That's really pretty good....
Didn't know you had it in you LOL
You said it better than I could say it.

LOL, I am getting so used to you now; yet I have this feeling I may be falling in love with you ..... not. hahahha.



kraftiekortie
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14 Feb 2018, 11:43 pm

I am only the Wolfman.

I thought what you said was really good.

No irony.



bobaspie2015
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15 Feb 2018, 12:32 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
I am only the Wolfman.
I thought what you said was really good.
No irony.

Yes I do understand and I am only having a bit of fun with you. All in a jovial way.
Thank you for the compliment.



Joe90
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15 Feb 2018, 4:00 am

Quote:
When it gets bad, I get irritable, and that means I'm going to bloody well REFUSE to let it control me, purely on sheer principle. This is something that anyone can learn to do, but it's going to depend on your personality to some degree.


It's so hard to explain to people how some things physically hurt. I am squeamish when it comes to things being inserted into certain areas of my body (ie, smear tests), and it's not just something that will sort itself out if I 'relax' and 'not let it hurt'. Really, nobody understands.

Quote:
2, you're NOT seeming as normal as you think, and it's something you can work on to fix, if you really want to. I, personally


Uh, I hate it when Aspies say this. Other Aspies seem to think just because you're on the spectrum you lack self-awareness. I have been working on how to look normal for years, and I feel normal too when I'm walking along minding my own business. I just hate feeling like the center of attention in public. If you want I'll PM you why I feel like this, as I don't want to hijack the thread.

Quote:
-Playful & happy VS whiny & miserable: That's childhood for you. Dont think THAT one is just an autism thing. Kids tend to be moody, with rather explosive emotions at times. There's a reason why parents often seem run-down.


It wasn't just a typical kid thing. My behaviour was sometimes so bad, that my mum thought about sending me away to a children's home for badly behaved kids, but she tried to be strong so she didn't do that. But I caused a lot of grief. When I was in one of my miserable modes, I used to want control of my environment and so would cry at everything if I didn't get my own way. And this was when I was 8, not 2.


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15 Feb 2018, 5:30 am

Joe90 wrote:
It's so hard to explain to people how some things physically hurt. I am squeamish when it comes to things being inserted into certain areas of my body (ie, smear tests), and it's not just something that will sort itself out if I 'relax' and 'not let it hurt'. Really, nobody understands.

Quote:
2, you're NOT seeming as normal as you think, and it's something you can work on to fix, if you really want to. I, personally


Uh, I hate it when Aspies say this. Other Aspies seem to think just because you're on the spectrum you lack self-awareness. I have been working on how to look normal for years, and I feel normal too when I'm walking along minding my own business. I just hate feeling like the center of attention in public. If you want I'll PM you why I feel like this, as I don't want to hijack the thread.

Maybe people are staring at you because you're doing a good job and they find you attractive?

Yes things hurt. I squeezed out a 10 and a half pound baby. That hurt a lot. But you get through it and you get over it.


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15 Feb 2018, 7:33 am

Joe90 wrote:
It's so hard to explain to people how some things physically hurt. I am squeamish when it comes to things being inserted into certain areas of my body (ie, smear tests), and it's not just something that will sort itself out if I 'relax' and 'not let it hurt'. Really, nobody understands.

You get the scary 'have a smear or you die' letters, me to. The problem is they are not aimed at us they are aimed at Miss busy and sexually active (sorry if I've misunderstood you) We are a very low risk. We have been discussing this.

https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopi ... &e=7820003



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15 Feb 2018, 12:38 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Quote:
When it gets bad, I get irritable, and that means I'm going to bloody well REFUSE to let it control me, purely on sheer principle. This is something that anyone can learn to do, but it's going to depend on your personality to some degree.


It's so hard to explain to people how some things physically hurt. I am squeamish when it comes to things being inserted into certain areas of my body (ie, smear tests), and it's not just something that will sort itself out if I 'relax' and 'not let it hurt'. Really, nobody understands.

Quote:
2, you're NOT seeming as normal as you think, and it's something you can work on to fix, if you really want to. I, personally


Uh, I hate it when Aspies say this. Other Aspies seem to think just because you're on the spectrum you lack self-awareness. I have been working on how to look normal for years, and I feel normal too when I'm walking along minding my own business. I just hate feeling like the center of attention in public. If you want I'll PM you why I feel like this, as I don't want to hijack the thread.

Quote:
-Playful & happy VS whiny & miserable: That's childhood for you. Dont think THAT one is just an autism thing. Kids tend to be moody, with rather explosive emotions at times. There's a reason why parents often seem run-down.


It wasn't just a typical kid thing. My behaviour was sometimes so bad, that my mum thought about sending me away to a children's home for badly behaved kids, but she tried to be strong so she didn't do that. But I caused a lot of grief. When I was in one of my miserable modes, I used to want control of my environment and so would cry at everything if I didn't get my own way. And this was when I was 8, not 2.



-The pain bit: No, I understand more than you might think. I have nerve/tendon issues. Most people dont actually quite grasp just what I mean when I rant about that. I have had days where the pain is so bad that I cant walk. Think about that. That's a pain that lasts FOR DAYS, not for a few minutes or hours, that is so nasty and unrelenting (and resistant to medication: I could take four Advil at once and it would have literally no effect. Nowadays I have pain meds that could knock out an elephant, and.... sometimes, that's still not enough) that you can barely even get around (or drive a car). For DAYS. Now, physical therapy has helped a bit with that (though the therapy also hurts, because of course it freaking does), but.... it's still pretty freaking bad (and when it happens, it still lasts days). But ya deal with it enough, and one way or another, eventually you're going to start to resist. And frankly, part of it was that I just got outright tired of it. I basically decided "BAH SCREW THIS I'M GONNA DO STUFF ANYWAY" and have forcibly kept going that way since. It's not that it stops hurting because I ignore it or something. Pain doesnt work that way. It's that I simply keep freaking going anyway, because I refuse to be beaten by that crap. Again, anyone can learn this, but it's not easy.

-Normal VS not: When I said that, I meant it more as one of the logical possibilities. Even someone who is *really* self aware can make this mistake. Something that even many truly intelligent people never quite get: When you're too close to something, you CANT FULLY SEE IT. This isnt an aspie thing. This is an EVERYONE thing. That's why I list it as a possibility that should be explored (because it's ALWAYS a possibility, period). Never, ever think that this one cant apply to you. You might be surprised what kind of damage that view could do.

-Chaotic childhood: even that, though, is still not purely an aspie thing. I've known some kids that are, frankly, utterly bonkers.... and I dont mean at 2 years old.... and they are NOT on the spectrum. There's this one kid in my extended family... again, he's no toddler... who would try to get his way by shrieking. Not crying, not yelling. Actual shrieking. If someone was watching TV and wouldnt change the channel? He'd scream. No words, just screaming as loud as possible until he got what he wanted. No, I dont know why. Again, he's not on the spectrum. If you really observe kids, you might be surprised to find out JUST HOW LOOPY they can be, including those that look otherwise calm. It's something that I personally didnt really notice when I was a kid myself (again, the "too close to it" thing... it's hard to notice something as "loopy" when it's a normal part of your day). But when I really think about it, and look back, and think of some of the things I saw kids in school do? Oh yeah. Some of them were freaking nuts even if I didnt spot it for what it was back then. And again, I dont mean preschool or something.

Frankly, I dont know how parents handle it. ANY parents. I'm so freaking glad I'm not a parent. I'd have gone crazy myself, if I was.



My point is... these problems arent exactly unique to you, AND they arent exactly unique to those that are on the spectrum. One way or another, you CAN get through them. However, the moment you start genuinely believing you cant? You've already lost. Your outlook and attitude is a HUGE part of all of this, whether you realize it or not.



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15 Feb 2018, 2:20 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I am only the Wolfman.

I thought what you said was really good.

No irony.


Ya mean "no sarcasm". Not "no irony". (ie you're not joking. You really mean it. ergo you are not being sarcastic.).

To Bob: I agree with Krafty that what you said was really good. Inspiring even. And I am not being...sarcastic! :D