Why does it seem like all women successful?

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kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2018, 4:18 pm

But you are successful, Ms. Dragon. You've got a biology degree. You earned that. It's very demanding coursework--the sciences.

I wish I knew you in person, so I can really encourage you. It bothers me that you feel the way you do.

And you too, Sly. You're not the ugliest man in the world---far from that. You look sort of like my motorcyclist friend from long ago, from the late 70s. You've kept a job for a while. Keeping even a part-time job for a few years counts as an accomplishment.

I don't think Sly will glory in your so-called "lack of success." I don't think it will help Sly one bit.

I'm upset that you both feel the way you do. I'm not very diplomatic. I might not be using the "right words."

It's just upsetting. Because I know both of you have potential.

Conceding defeat never helps......



sly279
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17 Feb 2018, 7:52 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
But you are successful, Ms. Dragon. You've got a biology degree. You earned that. It's very demanding coursework--the sciences.

I wish I knew you in person, so I can really encourage you. It bothers me that you feel the way you do.

And you too, Sly. You're not the ugliest man in the world---far from that. You look sort of like my motorcyclist friend from long ago, from the late 70s. You've kept a job for a while. Keeping even a part-time job for a few years counts as an accomplishment.

I don't think Sly will glory in your so-called "lack of success." I don't think it will help Sly one bit.

I'm upset that you both feel the way you do. I'm not very diplomatic. I might not be using the "right words."

It's just upsetting. Because I know both of you have potential.

Conceding defeat never helps......



Not being the ugliest man doesn’t help. I’m still ugly. No women will date me.
Just like your not the worst man in the world isn’t a compliment

How? Any teenager is epexcted to work a part ime job in high school. There aren’t any women who will look at that and coo all over me and say what a successful man he can barely manage a task teenager do. I’m 30. My life has been over for years this is just existing nothing less. I’m on a life coma, time to pull the plug.



kraftiekortie
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17 Feb 2018, 7:57 pm

I like you Sly. I don't want you to go, man.



sly279
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17 Feb 2018, 8:08 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I like you Sly. I don't want you to go, man.

You pr fern I suffer for many more years of this hell?



hale_bopp
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18 Feb 2018, 1:54 pm

Hey Sly. I know it looks that way at times. But believe me, even if it looks like someone has their life together, looks can be deceiving. Very, very deceiving.

If you’re happy living the way you are you probably have your life more together than you think.

I hope you are feeling okay. You’re not a loser. You work, don’t commit petty crimes, pay your way etc.



sly279
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18 Feb 2018, 8:08 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
Hey Sly. I know it looks that way at times. But believe me, even if it looks like someone has their life together, looks can be deceiving. Very, very deceiving.

If you’re happy living the way you are you probably have your life more together than you think.

I hope you are feeling okay. You’re not a loser. You work, don’t commit petty crimes, pay your way etc.

But they say they have theirs together and thus is why they won’t date me cause I don’t habe mine together and never will.

How so?

I’ve been feeling worse this month, bday and vday, and I’ve been rejected by 10ish women this week.



katdances
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20 Feb 2018, 12:34 am

sly279 wrote:
hale_bopp wrote:
Hey Sly. I know it looks that way at times. But believe me, even if it looks like someone has their life together, looks can be deceiving. Very, very deceiving.

If you’re happy living the way you are you probably have your life more together than you think.

I hope you are feeling okay. You’re not a loser. You work, don’t commit petty crimes, pay your way etc.

But they say they have theirs together and thus is why they won’t date me cause I don’t habe mine together and never will.

How so?

I’ve been feeling worse this month, bday and vday, and I’ve been rejected by 10ish women this week.


Hey, maybe they say that just to "attract" the stability they can't bring for themselves. I do think that's very important. That even though everything seems to be wrong, if in the end you're satisfied with yourself that's way more stability that others do have. Let me tell you, some people work so hard to make it seem like everything is perfect, just no to phase the idea that their lives are far from it or worse, to make others think they got it better than them.

When was your birthday? I stopped enjoying them after my 21st and only decided to enjoy my day last year. I didn't ask for much, I just wanted a cute and yummy cake + swimming training + direct family dinner with everyone actually getting along. I was lucky to get two of that (I went swimming the next day and it was tough though, it was one of those weeks where my routine was needed) How's yours been? As far as vday I never celebrated since I've never dated anyone, so I don't even try. While it was tough in my teen years and my 20s because everyone seemed to have a great time with their s/o and not "having" someone was looked down on, nowadays I'm just happy if friends and family do have someone to enjoy it with and sort of make them realise how lucky they are that they do. I also take it as a day to take care of myself, indulge a bit if possible. No clue if anything of this can relate to you, but society has us so used to put such importance on special dates that it can be too much pressure, when it doesn't have to be that way.

Plus, anyone that says that you will never have your life together, doesn't deserve your time.



katdances
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20 Feb 2018, 12:47 am

sly279 wrote:
katdances wrote:
Hey just to update on the unsuccessful women thing, I just lost my job so how unsuccessful is that for you?

You’re probably find another. All successful people fall at some point
Would you date a permanent loser who works part time retail and can’t afford a car?

Your still way more successful then me. Sorry you lost your job I guess.



I really hope to get a job soon, but it took me a year and a half to find and get the job I just lost, so that's been freaking me out all weekend. But I didn't want to be there anymore, it wasn't good for me.

Well, you might be calling me a loser too then (?), I worked part time on an oral contract with no benefits paid for 2 1/2 years. No car, no permit because I've no money to own or maintain a car so why get one. But people do consider as a plus that one's been able to maintain a job for more than one or two years so I'm trying to be positive. Don't get me wrong, half my day has been me worrying about how I'm going to pay bills and a loan in two months and half of it went to think in nothingness.

If I get along with a guy, I would date him. I guess connecting with someone is more important to me than having things. But I do like someone that has drive to try to achieve their goals, whatever those are. I never really get along with anyone anyway.



kraftiekortie
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20 Feb 2018, 11:41 am

You are going through a lot, Katdances.

If you feel tempted to give up (which is inevitable), you might have to "will yourself" not to.

I wish the pursuit of jobs was the same as it was in the old days----but it is not. It just takes longer for someone to get a job than it did in the old days.

Have you gone on Indeed.com?



sly279
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20 Feb 2018, 10:52 pm

katdances wrote:


I really hope to get a job soon, but it took me a year and a half to find and get the job I just lost, so that's been freaking me out all weekend. But I didn't want to be there anymore, it wasn't good for me.

Well, you might be calling me a loser too then (?), I worked part time on an oral contract with no benefits paid for 2 1/2 years. No car, no permit because I've no money to own or maintain a car so why get one. But people do consider as a plus that one's been able to maintain a job for more than one or two years so I'm trying to be positive. Don't get me wrong, half my day has been me worrying about how I'm going to pay bills and a loan in two months and half of it went to think in nothingness.

If I get along with a guy, I would date him. I guess connecting with someone is more important to me than having things. But I do like someone that has drive to try to achieve their goals, whatever those are. I never really get along with anyone anyway.


Took me 3 years to find a job. And it’s a min wage retail job. :(
It’s tough.

I don’t call people losers or other mean things. I also don’t care about if a woman works, has a car or lives alone. See thsts how I feel. I can’t afford to maintain or insure a car. I’ve never had anyone be like good job keeping a job for 2 years besides here. They just like youved worked the same min wage job for two years what a loser? But that’s probably only towards men. Men are expected to have good jobs and keep finding better jobs neber to stay in the same job more then a year.
See if I had a gf I’d help he her bills out of my savings. Hope you can figure it out. I’ve had some close calls and I might lose my ssdi this month :(. Happy birthday from the gov. I get 505 from it. It’s stressing me out not knowing.

But if you saw him on a dating site or if he messaged you would you consider dating a guy who works part time min wage and doesn’t drive? Women won’t even get to know me they refuse to. So no chance of them seeing if I’m a good guy who they’d get along with. So you want a guy with ambition:( so does every woman sadly. Maybe my goals is just to live and have a relationship and see where life takes us. :cry:



sly279
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20 Feb 2018, 11:07 pm

katdances wrote:

Hey, maybe they say that just to "attract" the stability they can't bring for themselves. I do think that's very important. That even though everything seems to be wrong, if in the end you're satisfied with yourself that's way more stability that others do have. Let me tell you, some people work so hard to make it seem like everything is perfect, just no to phase the idea that their lives are far from it or worse, to make others think they got it better than them.

When was your birthday? I stopped enjoying them after my 21st and only decided to enjoy my day last year. I didn't ask for much, I just wanted a cute and yummy cake + swimming training + direct family dinner with everyone actually getting along. I was lucky to get two of that (I went swimming the next day and it was tough though, it was one of those weeks where my routine was needed) How's yours been? As far as vday I never celebrated since I've never dated anyone, so I don't even try. While it was tough in my teen years and my 20s because everyone seemed to have a great time with their s/o and not "having" someone was looked down on, nowadays I'm just happy if friends and family do have someone to enjoy it with and sort of make them realise how lucky they are that they do. I also take it as a day to take care of myself, indulge a bit if possible. No clue if anything of this can relate to you, but society has us so used to put such importance on special dates that it can be too much pressure, when it doesn't have to be that way.

Plus, anyone that says that you will never have your life together, doesn't deserve your time.


Aka they want to date up. If a guy does that he’s called a mooch.

It’s next Monday.
Vday was horrible. Work was decorated up for it and everyone was talking about theirnplans and kissing each other.



Nickchick
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22 Feb 2018, 8:49 pm

sly279 wrote:
kraftiekortie wrote:
Oh come on Sly, stop it.

You know there are many unsuccessful women around.

And guess what. Just like you don't want somebody criticizing you, the unsuccessful women don't want that, either.

I’m not criticizing them. I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t have her life together.
I don’t het how almost all the women where I live all have good jobs, nice car and their own place.
Is the system just more geared towards women being successful?

I know there’s some here on wp who might but even then their few.

I feel so depressed I just wish I could find a woman who’s unemployed, doesn’t drive and lives with her family

Is what so many women say true are men just lazy? I’m not lazy but they see me as such.



I always thought it was the other way around but even so. You just described me. Well I have a job now but it took me 6 years out of college to get it and it's almost the bottom of the barrel.
Even though I'm a unique person I'm sure there's more women in a similar situation.


sly279 wrote:
lostonearth35 wrote:
Would you date a man who works retail, doesn’t own a car and rents with family?
Mind you they don’t even know I rent with family, or ther I only work 15 hours. For all they know I work full time or could be a manager.

The likelihood of me wanting to date a man seriously like that is small but only because the type of men (artsy/creative) that attract me wouldn't be doing things like that. They unfortunately for me tend to be successful but there was one guy I sorta dated in high school that did work in the grocery store and he lived with his dad. He also walked everywhere so at the time I was with him he never had his license let alone a car of his own. I fell pretty hard for him. He wrote a few poems/prose and liked to draw. We broke off because he was unemotionally available I guess. I still love him despite that.
So it depends. The right woman would date you if she felt that emotional/mental connection with you.


sly279 wrote:
yellowtamarin wrote:
I haven't asked them, but one was recently dating such a guy. She suspected he was aspie.

And I would. I drive, but I don't earn enough to support myself and I sometimes live with my mum. I'm not really sure how you are defining success, but I'd say I succeed in some areas and not in others, by my own standards. I've dated guys who don't drive or are unemployed. Probably both at the same time, can't recall.


Why’s she stop?

You’d date a loser? Why not get a successful real man?

Successful is good paid job, nice car, own place, etc aka having your life together as people say. I have non of those. Which means I’m not a real man. If I was a woman I’d likely be fine but as a man it’s simple unacceptable to women.

I dont know what to do. Well I know what I need to do but I can’t yet do it as I fear pain and he’ll.


Not at all. It doesn't matter if you are a man. Did you know Jim Carrey lived out of his car for a long time? He entered the game pretty late.
Conversely there are plenty of times someone will have it all and they will lose it on a dime often through no fault of their own.
I get what you're saying though. A lot of women look at what you don't have but those aren't the type of women you should be looking for. You should be looking at women who would want you for you.


I haven't got through everything you said but you do sound a lot like me. I'm in a different situation. The difference is I can settle but I don't feel that's right and I do feel like a failure too much of a failure to attract a man I would want but that's just me that's just how I feel it doesn't make it true and similarily to you that's just how you feel. It doesn't make it so. I don't know your whole story but I bet there's a lot of things you've accomplished in your life. You say you work at retail right? That is an accomplishment in itself. Just getting a job to begin with is a struggle and you did it. You should be proud you are no longer unemployed.
Part time is also beneficial because you have more time to yourself. Yeah it sucks money wise but if you can't handle full time then why go for it?
I know you're saying in your case that it's the women that are feeling this way not you but even just feeling that women will always feel this way about you is not the way to be. From what I have read from you I think you are starting to believe that what they are saying is true about yourself. Yes the reality is the woman you have encountered did not like that about you but as I say you need to consider you didn't want those women anyway and you shouldn't give up.



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25 Feb 2018, 3:50 pm

Nickchick wrote:
I always thought it was the other way around but even so. You just described me. Well I have a job now but it took me 6 years out of college to get it and it's almost the bottom of the barrel.
Even though I'm a unique person I'm sure there's more women in a similar situation.


Sorry for delay hope you didn’t think I was ignoring you. Just had t had time to reply with work.

Other way around?
How’s it bottom of barrel if it requires college degree?
I’d hope so but there’s doesn’t to be many and the ones there are won’t date me in the same situation ast them:(

Quote:
Not at all. It doesn't matter if you are a man. Did you know Jim Carrey lived out of his car for a long time? He entered the game pretty late.
Conversely there are plenty of times someone will have it all and they will lose it on a dime often through no fault of their own.
I get what you're saying though. A lot of women look at what you don't have but those aren't the type of women you should be looking for. You should be looking at women who would want you for you.


I haven't got through everything you said but you do sound a lot like me. I'm in a different situation. The difference is I can settle but I don't feel that's right and I do feel like a failure too much of a failure to attract a man I would want but that's just me that's just how I feel it doesn't make it true and similarily to you that's just how you feel. It doesn't make it so. I don't know your whole story but I bet there's a lot of things you've accomplished in your life. You say you work at retail right? That is an accomplishment in itself. Just getting a job to begin with is a struggle and you did it. You should be proud you are no longer unemployed.
Part time is also beneficial because you have more time to yourself. Yeah it sucks money wise but if you can't handle full time then why go for it?
I know you're saying in your case that it's the women that are feeling this way not you but even just feeling that women will always feel this way about you is not the way to be. From what I have read from you I think you are starting to believe that what they are saying is true about yourself. Yes the reality is the woman you have encountered did not like that about you but as I say you need to consider you didn't want those women anyway and you shouldn't give up.


0.o
Jim Cary is the exception not the norm. Few people have made it big from. Ring poor but they are tiny compared to those who stay poor and the rich who came from rich. So it’s just as possible as winning the lottery, I wouldn’t count on either happening.
But there aren’t any single women who’d want me for me. Women like that all got together with other men back in high school and stay with them. Leaving the rest who want a real man and thus haven’t hooked up with anyone. Most women today don’t want to day a man for who he is but rather what he offers. It’s a sad superficial world. I only hope they get w guy who doesn’t like them for who they are but how they look.
Such people deserve each other and in 30-50 years as they age their divorce.
Superficiality doesn’t last forever.

What kind of man do you want that you too failure to get?
I haven’t accomplished much in the eyes of the nt superficial world. I should have a middle class job, House I’m paying off, two cars, a wife and 2-4 kids by now according to society. I work a teenagers job and I can’t even handle that so I work it part time :(
How’s that an accomplishment?


Being as pretty much all single women in my state believe it and say it no can I not believe it’s true? To do otherwise would make me just as crazy as the flat earth people.
There’s a few married women who say otherwise but they married and so don’t matter, also being married it’s likely they lying to make me feel better, they don’t have th option to be asked out by me nor have to consider reality of dating someone like me.
Similar to if I said I could survive in Africa, but I’ll neber be put to test that. It’s easy to lie and say you’d do something knowing you’ll never have to do it. Like people saying “oh if I was there I’d dine this____” then if someone is like ok I’ll send you there, they like” oh I would but I’m too busy to go and I have to meet so,wine etc,” any excuse they can come up with. So these women with their well off husband or boyfriend can say all they want that they’d date a loser, but they didn’t date a loser, so likely it’s a lie to make me feel better and get me to shut up. Some few women did date a loser but they’d in a relationship so again doesn’t help me. I’m left with the women who don’t find any guy good enough to date. Most women in their 20-40 who are single are cause they like it or there’s no men they deem good enough to date them who are also single. Those men have plenty of women to choose from, they can date women in the same situation as them all the way down to homeless women. And such men are few in the first place. Doesn’t help bunch of such men have multiple gfs. There’s already way more men then women and some men date or marry 2-10 women at once. :cry:
Saw this one guy who’s in a threesome relationship with two women, both women who are nerdy.

I dont know what dondo besides give up, it’s hopeless and I’m turning 30 tomorrow my life is over.



katdances
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27 Feb 2018, 4:44 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
You are going through a lot, Katdances.

If you feel tempted to give up (which is inevitable), you might have to "will yourself" not to.

I wish the pursuit of jobs was the same as it was in the old days----but it is not. It just takes longer for someone to get a job than it did in the old days.

Have you gone on Indeed.com?


I've always had this feeling that since other people go through way more dense issues than mine, I shouldn't feel like I'm going through a lot. You might be the second person to ever say that to me. I'm not sure that I am though and I've been feeling sort of ok since the last time I was here. It just felt weird reading this.

Give up how? If anything the only thing I'm giving up is the will to keep working at my current job (last day should be in mid March) because honestly I've had it and just want to be over with it. Give up like not wanting to be in this world anymore? No, that's not me, thankfully. I worry too much to give up that way, I would be acknowledging failure got the best of me, so no way. It's just a tough time.

I haven't heard of indeed.com but I've used other type of sites for job search and already applied to a few of them, haven't heard anything yet which is nerve racking but it's nothing new.

Tomorrow I have the last negotiation meeting about my compensation. According to that I'll be a nerve rack for the foreseeable future or at least be able to live my life as if nothing happened for a few months. My brother says I have the upper hand. I think that's what's made me feel ok for the past few days. I'm being positive about it but now I'm nervous. I just want it to be over and move on already.

Sorry I didn't answer, I closed the tab without realising like a week ago and forgot to log in again.



Nickchick
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28 Feb 2018, 5:07 pm

sly279 wrote:
Nickchick wrote:
I always thought it was the other way around but even so. You just described me. Well I have a job now but it took me 6 years out of college to get it and it's almost the bottom of the barrel.
Even though I'm a unique person I'm sure there's more women in a similar situation.


Sorry for delay hope you didn’t think I was ignoring you. Just had t had time to reply with work.

Other way around?
How’s it bottom of barrel if it requires college degree?
I’d hope so but there’s doesn’t to be many and the ones there are won’t date me in the same situation ast them:(



I feel like it's the men who are more successful because of the gender discrimination that goes on. Women have a hard time getting into higher positions but I know at this point in time even men have trouble with success these days but for a long time it's been more common with women. Now it might be equal.
It doesn't. I just meant that it took 6 years out of college to even find a job. My degree is utterly useless.

sly279 wrote:

0.o
Jim Cary is the exception not the norm. Few people have made it big from. Ring poor but they are tiny compared to those who stay poor and the rich who came from rich. So it’s just as possible as winning the lottery, I wouldn’t count on either happening.
But there aren’t any single women who’d want me for me. Women like that all got together with other men back in high school and stay with them. Leaving the rest who want a real man and thus haven’t hooked up with anyone. Most women today don’t want to day a man for who he is but rather what he offers. It’s a sad superficial world. I only hope they get w guy who doesn’t like them for who they are but how they look.
Such people deserve each other and in 30-50 years as they age their divorce.
Superficiality doesn’t last forever.


I can think of more I'm sure. That was definitely just the biggest example. Sure there are a lot of people who stay poor but there are plenty that came from more humble beginnings too. There are many celebrities that aren't like Paris Hilton. They had to work for it. There may be a lot of rich celebrities as well but they can lose it as easily as they gained it.
Well you basically admitted you don't want them anyway. As you said such people deserve each other. I do see what you're saying though. You have trouble finding the good ones but I'm sure they are out there.

sly279 wrote:

What kind of man do you want that you too failure to get?


A creative type. Either a musician or sometimes they write. At best those types are hard to latch onto because even when they are not successful they are in a sense emotionally unavailable so if you have too much baggage they won't be able to handle it. That's what happened with the guy I dated from high school. He wrote poetry and drew me a picture. I'm sure he did like me but I screwed it up by being awkward and I think sometimes he sensed there was a lot of baggage there.

sly279 wrote:
I haven’t accomplished much in the eyes of the nt superficial world. I should have a middle class job, House I’m paying off, two cars, a wife and 2-4 kids by now according to society. I work a teenagers job and I can’t even handle that so I work it part time :(
How’s that an accomplishment?

Me too but you know what I have life experience that the general public does not always have and through it I am sure I have obtained wisdom. I'm sure you have too.
It's an accomplishment because so many people today are having trouble finding a job at all even neurotypicals.
Not being able to handle full time work may not be an accomplishment in itself. However, to have the sense to know you can't is something to be admired. You're only taking on what you can handle which proves that you want to be the best employee you can be and not be a burden on others.



sly279 wrote:
Similar to if I said I could survive in Africa, but I’ll neber be put to test that. It’s easy to lie and say you’d do something knowing you’ll never have to do it. Like people saying “oh if I was there I’d dine this____” then if someone is like ok I’ll send you there, they like” oh I would but I’m too busy to go and I have to meet so,wine etc,” any excuse they can come up with. So these women with their well off husband or boyfriend can say all they want that they’d date a loser, but they didn’t date a loser, so likely it’s a lie to make me feel better and get me to shut up. r.


It can be true so sometimes they may be lying but sometimes they might be telling the truth. You can say something that you've never done if you know yourself well enough so these women that are with a well off partner may date a "loser" if the loser had attributes that attracted them. Their partner might have been a "loser" when they first started getting attracted to them.


sly279 wrote:

I dont know what dondo besides give up, it’s hopeless and I’m turning 30 tomorrow my life is over.

I've been thinking about giving up myself but we can't. As hopeless as it is right now it can get better. Life wasn't meant to be easy and most things that are easy aren't worth it.
I know love is one of those things though where you can do all you can and still fail but that's when you work on being the best you you can be and the right woman will come along. But if you just sit here feeling sorry for yourself then no it's not going to happen. Forget about women for a second. What job do you want and would feel comfortable in? If it's not the one you are in (most likely not but I don't know) then you need to keep going for the one you do and you can probably do that job part time or maybe if it's your dream career you can actually do it full time. Once you are doing what you want to do in life that is when the woman is likely to appear. She may appear before but if you keep doing the same thing and expecting a change then she is less likely to.
I'm not saying you can't be discouraged but you have to put forth effort into your future while feeling that way.



sly279
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Location: US

28 Feb 2018, 6:05 pm

There’s no job I’d want to do thst I can do.